What is it about writing that makes us reluctant to admit to doing it?
You’d think I could easily explain that I’m a writer by now. But usually a couple of times a week someone either asks me what I do or something similar. And I choke EVERY time.
Yesterday, it was the mother of a child that my daughter has recently started playing with. We were at the bus stop, waiting for our girls to come home from school.
“Do you have any plans tomorrow?” she asked.
And, yes, I have a book signing at an outdoor festival that’s taking up a good chunk of my Saturday afternoon. But I’ve really only talked to this lady twice and she has no idea that I write.
“I…yes, I think there’s something on the calendar. I haven’t really looked at my day planner,” I said weakly.
Which means, of course, that later I’m left wondering why I avoid talking about my books and writing in face-to-face exchanges. And I’ve also missed an opportunity to sell a book or spread the word about my signing. And, believe me, I can use all the help I can get when it comes to signings! Otherwise I’ll be sitting at the table daydreaming and surreptitiously jotting down notes for the next book because no one is there.
Why I think I usually don’t mention my writing:
It’s not what people are expecting to hear when they ask what I do. And I like filling expectations.
It leads to an avalanche of further questions, which I’m usually uncomfortable answering. “Where do your ideas come from…?” or “I have the best idea for you to write about!”
They have the most startled look on their face when I tell them…they’re not sure what to say.
It sounds like I’m bragging.
Dropping a book signing into conversation sounds contrived, not casual.
Although much of my life involves interaction with other writers, I only know a few writers in my non-virtual life. So, although sometimes I feel like everyone writes because it’s such an important part of my life…actually very few people write. It’s unusual enough to stop a conversation in its tracks. No one has ever just gone right on with the conversation: “Really? That’s great. Hey, do you think the kids would like to see the new movie that’s out?..” Nope! It’s always more like, “Whaaa?? Why didn’t you tell me you’re an author? When did your first book come out? Five years ago?!?”
Sometimes I’m good to mention it. If I’m in a situation, like a party, where I know I’m going to be meeting people for the first time then I’m prepared. I’ll be as chipper as possible and say, “I’m a writer. I write mysteries.” I’ll say this in a practiced, casual way, but it still leads to a series of questions: are you published? Who is your publisher? Can I get your book at the library? At the bookstore? Do you write under your own name? What’s your name again?
This might be a reason why I don’t go to many parties. :) Or, I just completely avoid the question by answering that I’m a stay-at-home mom. Until the party’s hostess comes over and fusses at me, “No, you’re not! You write books!”
If I have my business cards with me, I can handle the situation easier. Otherwise, I’m going to get out of that conversation as fast as I can.
I know there are at least two outgoing people who read this blog and are excellent at marketing (Diane and Marvin, you know I mean you!) Any tips on face to face promotion or at least just mentioning writing?
Elizabeth – First, I wish you well at your signing – I hope it goes beautifully :).
About the face-to-face thing? I’m not much more of a fan of it than you are, but I’ve found that it helps to do it one person at a time. I do the self-promotion thing a lot more easily and with a lot less reserve if I’m just chatting with one person. It feels less like selling that way.
Just blurt it out and then turn your head away fast in case the world ends. :)
It’s because you are so humble and good and think it might be bragging -this may be why you have a problem with admitting you are a writer. But you have worked hard for the honor of authorship.
Like yourself, I’m an introvert. I communicate far better through the written word than the spoken word. That being said, I have to put on a hat of an actor. This works for me because I know after the two hours is up I can take the hat off. If I had to leave it on I would freak out and curl up in a fetal position on the floor.
So my suggestion is to put on an actor’s hat. Prepare and say your lines (delivery is the key), and take confort you can take off the hat at the end of the event. There is comfort in knowing the actors hat has a definitive beginning and ending. Hope this makes sense.
Stephen Tremp
Interestingly enough, I’m generally an introvert, but when it comes to my book, and my writing, I turn into an instant extrovert. I love introducing myself as a writer, and talking about my book. I don’t think of it as bragging, I think of it as sharing my passion with others (and I hope it comes across as such!).
Have a wonderful book signing today!
I tell people I’m a writer. I usually hand them a bookmark if they ask questions. As long as they ask first, I don’t mind, and I’m comfortable enough with joking about the inevitable, “Have I heard of you?” response. Since my books are so hard to get, I don’t imagine that any of these encounters end up in sales, but some day, just maybe, I’ll have a mass market book and they’ll remember my name. I figure a bookmark might keep my name in front of them longer than a business card.
Yesterday we were in a furniture store, and after I handed the bookmark to the clerk (who was asking all sorts of general questions hoping she’d land the job of furnishing the house we haven’t found yet), she turned to another salesperson and said, “Another writer. Isn’t that cool.”
Stephen has the right idea. Step outside your “at work writing” self and become a proud writer for a few minutes.
I’m with Ingrid! And here’s why – I know this wonderful musician – her name is Rita McNeil and she’s a major talent in Canada. She writes amazing songs and sings with a powerful crowd stopping voice. When you meet her though, she is meek and has a tiny little voice. She’s shy and hates the limelight. Another musician I know told me that it makes her furious because it is a BAD example to younger musicians who then believe it isn’t ok to shine a light on your work. I agree. It isn’t about you – it’s about the work you do – that you are rightfully proud of. If it was your child you would speak of that child with pride – you’d want that child to have every opportunity to advance, wouldn’t you? Yes, you would. When people ask me what I do – I say writer and psychotherapist and believe me if you think writer gets strange looks try being a psychotherapist! I get lots of weird responses – people thinking I’m watching them and analyzing them and I am – for my books not my therapy!
Good luck today at the book signing. People are thrilled to meet REAL writers, I know I am.
I always introduce myself as, “Hi – my name is Marvin D Wilson, multi-published, award-winning author … why should I give you the time of day?”
Lol, yeah right. Loved your muse on this subject … I’m not quite that rude or arrogant, not hardly – but I’m not at all uncomfortable with letting people know I write for living. At my age, I’m past apologizing or feeling uneasy about almost anything I say or do. Life is too short.
Best wishes for a great signing!
Marvin D Wilson
I feel pretty much the same Elizabeth. I love the tips from Marvin & Diane! I hope to have this problem someday :)
I hope you have a great signing today.
Loved your article. Only my son and husband know I write…well, and everyone that reads my blog.
And I’ve said this before, I don’t like the looks people give me when I tell them. One person I knew somehow found out and after denying it at first, I finally admitted to it – like it’s a crime – and from then on, she treated me differently.
Perhaps, like Stephen said, we’re introverts, we don’t need people to validate our reasons for writing.
Just my opinion.
ann
You are so right. You don’t even have to have something as exciting as a signing to have that awkward flood of questions, all about things you don’t want to talk about.
Right now I’m trying to decide if I want to go to my favorite place to write today, because there is a group of other people there who INSIST on interrupting to ask about what I’m writing and how long I’ve been writing and what I’ve published and tell me all about how they never read themselves.
(It does get easier if you are tired and out of sorts and annoyed. “Yeah, I’m writing a novel about you, so what? I’m on deadline here.”)
I never let on that I write, but that is because I don’t yet think of myself as a writer. But I would have thought you would be far more comfortable telling people what you do considering you are so good (and successful) at it.
And Jan, I loved your comment about how it is not good to be modest – never thought of it quite that way.
This is totally a psychological block. You ARE special because you’re a writer. It’s uncomfortable to be SPECIAL. It’s different. You don’t really want to be different every time you meet someone. We’re trained to conform, yet we are all unique. I have a wall hanging that says: Why try so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out.
Embrace who you are. You are special and your books/writing are great!
Wishing you great success with your book signing today.
I’m with you, admitting you’re a writer is difficult sometimes. I tend not to do it. Since I write technical non-fiction books, when someone asks what I write and I tell them, their eyes glaze over and they move quickly away.
Wishing you many sales at your book signing.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Have an excellent signing! Since I’m not published yet (on sub to publishers) I don’t have that problem yet. I’ll let you know when I get there ;)
I’m not comfortable saying it yet either, Elizabeth, so you’re not alone.
LOL! Thanks so much, Elizabeth!
Nope, I have no trouble whatsoever when people ask me what I do – “I’m an author and a professional speaker” just roll off the tongue. Yes, I am an extrovert, but I am proud of what I do for a living. Most people have no problem stating they work at a bank or do construction or whatever – why should it bother me to state what I do? Don’t be afraid to tell people, Elizabeth! Tell them what you do or what is happening when they ask. You are not boasting. Boasting is when you tell people without being asked.
And yes, people’s responses are sometimes odd. But remember, most people have no conversation skills whatsoever! They have never learned the art of asking proper questions or showing geniune interest. I have to remind myself of this often, as it tends to annoy me when I state what I do and there’s no response. Goodness, if someone told me that, it would really catch my attention and I’d ask questions!
And yes, I’m bold – if that person does ask a question after I’ve told him or her, I reach for a bookmark or business card and hand it to them! (Which one depends on where his or her interest lies – author or speaker.) And I’ve sold many a book on the spot due to my boldness.
So start practicing and respond with confidence – “I am an author!”
And good luck at your signing – hope the spring weather doesn’t keep people away.
Tell people you’re an assassin. Then after their eyes finish bugging out, tell them that you’re just kidding–you’re a writer. But say it with a twinkle in your eye, so they’re not sure what you really do.
In fact I think many people write (at least according to Danish statistics), but not many are able to sell their novels or stories. And I know that if you tell people you are a writer, you will get the same questions again and again, but that is just because people don´t really know what your working day is like, or – though they have vague ideas about writing that novel themselves – have never really sat down to do it. So I am sure most people are genuinely curious when they have a chance to talk to a *real* writer.
On pondering this, I think there is one other reason I am loath to mention my writing in casual conversation: People get nosy about what I’m writing NOW.
There are times when it is good to talk about a project, but there are times when it is very very bad. Stories can be like a morel mushroom mycelium, growing underground, delicate and fragile, and if that growth is interrupted…. no mushrooms.
Of course, you can (and should) switch over to talking about something you finished, but depending on how the conversation got started, it may be too late.
Hey Elizabeth,
I must have messed up posting earlier.
Surrounded as I am by indifferent if not downright hostile people, when I have to say anything at all about writing, I emphasize the negative aspect. “I’d love to go to the park this weekend, but unfortunately I have talk at a library, and I’m no good at ….”
The hostile are gratified by my discomfort, and the indifferent have a chance to be an expert: “I had to present one time and….”
Stephen
I understand how you feel. The title of my blog is called ‘My Writing Masquerade’. It pretty much sums up how open I am with people in the real world about what I do. :)
Margot–That’s a good way of looking at it. If I’m prepared to mention the writing, I can usually handle one person. I just need to stay prepared! Who knows when it will come up?
Stephen–Good point! I’ve never thought about that. If I focus on the fact that I’m just saying my piece and then I’ll be done, then maybe it’ll go easier. It’s not like it’s going to be some ongoing conversation (hopefully!)
Teresa–Maybe blurting it would be the best way. I’m sure I usually look totally stricken when it comes up…maybe I should just pull that band-aid off quickly.
Ingrid–I wonder if that’s because you’ve written a really personal book that can be useful to other pet owners? I think the fact that I’ve written books that are purely for entertainment might mess me up.
Jan–That’s a very good point, Jan! I think I might be better with younger people…kids, teenagers. I think I’m good with aspriing writers…it’s mostly regular people who freak me out. But you’re so right–if I claim it better than I do, then maybe I can show people it’s okay to be proud of being a writer or an artist. I’ll work on it!
I got the most BEAUTIFUL photograph from you yesterday, Jan. Gorgeous snowy tree. Thank you so MUCH! It’s going on my wall.
Marvin! You crack me up! I know you’re not uncomfortable and that’s why you and Diane never cease to amaze me. Life IS too short…you’re so right.
And sometimes? I wonder if it’s my age that’s tripping me up. But I’m turning 39 next week, soooo…time to give the immaturity stuff up. :)
Ann–Oh, I know. I’ve had people ask me, “You’re not taking notes or anything, are you?” with nervous laughs. The darned thing? Yes, I AM taking notes!! And yes, you’ll probably be in my book in some incarnation. Especially if you’re obnoxious. :)
Rayna—I’ve had friends fuss at me for not promoting around town more. It’s just hard. I’m working on it (the signing today, for instance.) And I think Jan had a VERY good point…I’ve never thought of it that way.
Mary–Thank you!! You’re absolutely right. This block has gone on way too long. I love your plaque. :)
Helen–I get the same reaction sometimes, too. :) The funniest reactions tend to be from men. They are just *completely* gobstruck for some reason. And then when I say ‘mysteries,’ they’ll say, “Like Tom Clancy?” Well…nooooo…..
Terry–I can see you being that way–just briskly professional. It’s a good thing to be! I do need to order some more bookmarks. I’ve got the postcards, the business cards…out of bookmarks. Bleh.
Heather–Good luck with the publishers! I hope it works out. I’ll commiserate with you
Alex–I’m glad I’m not the only one. I had an old editor for my first book (not “Pretty”) who’d scold me–“I’ve never seen a writer who didn’t love talking about their book!” I’d say, “Well, you’ve met one now…”
Diane–Thanks so much! I think you’re right…most of my anxiety is centered on what the other people will think. Instead, I need to NOT worry about them…I can’t control their reaction. And I need to practice. And I somehow need to drum up some confidence. Working on that…
Jemi–Marvin and Diane are the PROS!
The Daring Novelist–Yes!! I met one of those at the signing today. “Oh. I don’t read.” And she was a teacher!! Frightening.
Mason–Thanks! It went really well, actually–my friends, Jim and Joyce Lavene, were there and I hadn’t realized they’d be there with me. It made it a perfect afternoon!
Stephen–I think I’m more surrounded by people who are just completely stunned. Which is really odd to me, since it’s such an accepted norm among the writing community! But you’ve got a good idea…if I’d talked (honestly, actually) about how nervous I was about the signing, I wouldn’t have felt like I was bragging about it.
Alan–Now *that’s* a great idea! After that, anything will sound normal!
Dorte–You know, you’re right about that. Some of the people that I tell about my writing will tell me that they WANTED to write a book…and then they’ll ask me questions. *Those* are the people I don’t mind…the aspiring writers. Actually, I’ll talk their ear off and stuff their hands full of websites and blog sites! *They* end up running away from *me* instead of vice versa. :)
The Daring Novelist–Ohh…yes. I know exactly what you’re talking about. If someone asks what I’m working on and I tell them and their reaction is boredom or disinterest, it’s REALLY hard to slog through the first draft. I don’t even tell my agent or editor what I’m writing until it’s time to hand it in.
TK Richardson–Good! Glad I’m not the only one!
I completely understand your hatred of questions. I would absolutely despise it if someone told me what to write!
Ellawind–And I know they don’t mean a thing by it…it’s just me!
I had a signing today as well. :) Giving people my business card that has the cover of my book on it is a real ice-breaker. I don’t like sitting behind a table either. Too antsy I suppose. I hope your signing went well. :)
Kathi–It did…because I had author friends there! :) I didn’t know they were going to be there and I was *so* glad to see them!
I understand the idea that people would think you were bragging by describing yourself as a writer. It seems like a glamorous yet intellectual ‘job.’ And that’s the problem. Most people don’t consider writing a job, and so they envy you for doing something they wish they could (i.e. doing something they love, making $$$ without working hard, etc). That’s simply not true. Writing is hard. It’s like owning your own business b/c at the end of the day, you decide whether you sit your butt down and write. But don’t let them make you feel bad about what you do. It’s a job like anything else and, in fact, it’s your job to tell people about it.
Hope that wasn’t harsh–just voicing an opinion! Us aspiring authors get both the envy (oh, lucky you, you like writing) and the disdain (how long have you been working on that book? so you haven’t been published? ever consider a backup plan????). very frustrating!
Hi Elizabeth–I tried to comment on the next entry about the links, but couldn’t–great entry, but please explain the comment thingie?
To Writing your feelings:
I am afraid you have a point: some people glorify the life of a writer.
Fortunately some of these people do try to write a story or a novel, and when they send it in and receive their first rejection, they learn something about reality.
Conda–Ohhh….did you have a problem with it? It’s an experiment…that may not work out! The Open ID is probably what you’d use if you have a Gmail account or Blogger account….like I do. Then you put in your blog’s address and password and sign in that way. It should remember you the next time. If it doesn’t…shoot me an email. I’m just seeing how it works out and I might ditch it!
writingyourfeelings–I think you put this well. It’s the kind of job that SEEMS one way, but is really very different. And you’re so right—part of my job IS promotion. A BIG part of my job. And I need to reconcile myself to the face to face part of it.
Dorte–Oh, definitely! We’ve all been stomped on, rejected, kicked around….sigh. It’s still the best thing ever, though. :)