I had an unusual week for me in that I was in my Doctor Mom role the entire week. Ordinarily, I do a bang-up job being Doctor Mom—for three days. I’m the Best Mom Ever in my children’s eyes, the house still seems reasonably intact, and I still manage to look spiffy enough to make a quick run to the grocery store and not look like something the cat dragged in.
Not so much this past week of nursing Mr. H1N1.
For one thing, the dynamics have changed a little bit. The last time my son was this sick was several years ago. Then he wanted to be pampered and have me check up on him frequently. He even rang a little bell when he needed me.
No more! This was more the scenario with my twelve-year-old:
Me: “How are you feeling?”
Him: “Fine.”
Me: “Really? Because you’re covered with sweat and you’re sitting here in nylon shorts with no shirt. And it’s a chilly day. That’s not really all that normal for you.”
Him: “I’m fine.”
Me: “Let’s take your temperature. You’re flushed! And your eyes are watery!”
Him: “Mom. I. Am. Fine.”
Although his temperature was 102.
He was unhappy with my nursing attempts until I went more with the flow. He clearly wanted to be left alone and crawl into a hole and die. He did not want his mother hovering over him at all times. I was not ready to accept that he had changed and needed some more breathing space.
My characters sometimes want me to go with the flow, too, and accept some changes. Are yours the same way? (Non-writers will think that statement a little wacky.) Sometimes I get a character in my head. He’s a Walter. He looks like a Walter, talks like a Walter. He’s an accountant or an engineer and somewhat overeducated.
Suddenly, Walter wants to be an animal rights activist. No, no, no, no. I’ve already mapped Walter out. He’s busily crunching numbers during the murder—and very greedy and killed for money.
But then it turns out that Walter doesn’t want me hovering over him, expecting him to behave a particular way. No, Walter is having a mid-life crisis and wants to rediscover his childhood love of animals by becoming an activist. And, by the way, he’s in love with the murder victim’s wife. So there!
Walter’s alter ego can be doodled on scratch paper. It can go on a separate Word file that never sees the light of day. But it needs to happen.
Sometimes we should just go with the flow. Accept a few changes along the way. Not expect someone to be a particular way all the time…even for characters.
I owe it to the story. And, possibly, to Walter.
Elizabeth – I’ve had the same kind of “Dr. Mom” experience you have! My daughter used to be very much the same way when she was twelve… I’m glad your family’s made it through this bout with H1N1.
I also know exactly what you mean about characters doing their “own thing,” despite what we may have planned for them. I’ve had that happen to several of my characters. I’ve found if I just step back and let them tell their own stories, I write better. They don’t like it when I’m too directive.
I hope your household is all recovered from the H1N1 experience. My husband hasn’t been twelve for a very long time, but that’s exactly how he acts when he’s sick.
I had one character who was determined to be mysterious, not only to the reader, but to me. He refused to be controlled or directed. When I finally gave up on trying to fit him into my idea of his role, it was as if I was “channeling” him, and the stuff he came up with was sooo much better than what I had in mind.
Glad to hear everyone’s on the mend :)
I love when the Walters of the world take over! For me, it means they’ve moved from characters to people. That’s another statement that probably sounds wacky to non-writers…
Although you had excellent blog guests, I am glad you are back and that everyone is well.
Your post is so true. Just like I argue with “Mondays” I am sometimes too interfering with my characters. Just like my children, I need to let them be who they are.
Yep. Definitely. I mean, who knew my Randy the consummate cop was also a gifted pianist. Or that Blake had unresolved issues with his late father?
If I try to flesh out my characters too fully too soon, the magic is gone.
If my characters get too far out of line, I just threaten them. Then they’ll usually toe the line.
And by “characters,” I mean my children.
Kids certainly grow up fast! Mine are younger than yours, but there are already at the let me curl up in a corner and leave me alone stage. Glad to see you back and blogging!
Those unruly characters. Thanks, Elizabeth for the post.
On my first manuscript, I experienced a lot of stress when a character darted off in direction different from my careful outline. Of course, things wrapped up better than I had originally dictated. Now, I outline less and trust my inner goofy genius (for which I feel I can take no credit) more.
It can be a powerfully entertaining thing for readers when characters run amuck.
Such a great analogy!
I revert to being a child when I get sick. I want my mom–as long as she doesn’t make me go to the doctor! I hope your son is better!
This is so very helpful to me, Elizabeth, because I am having my first experience with “others” giving me guidance and direction with the writing. Glad everyone is healthy now. Keeping fingers crossed it stays that way.
karen
I love fictional characters that are so strong that the writer has to accommodate!
I have problems with a story when I do NOT go with the flow. Much in the way your son did not respond to your early attempts, I suppose. In fact, I’ve abandoned a few story ideas b/c the characters never took over. And it was my fault really: I didn’t let them.
It is harder as a mother, though, because our children change so rapidly. The way they act a month ago is not the way they are today. And we must change with them – even though we are much more set in our ways and we need them to still be babies!
We wouldn’t create art if it didn’t imitate life.
Michele
SouthernCityMysteries
BTW, what is up with all you early risers? Where are your children pulling on your pajama pants and blocking the shower door as you scream for “just 5 minutes!” I don’t get a sane moment until at least 8:30.
Jealously,
Michele
SouthernCityMysteries
Hope your son’s bout with the H1N1 beast is finished or nearly so.
I know exactly what you mean about characters with a mind of their own – and they must be listened to – they will not go amicably into roles we see them in, but hey – it gives them dimension and adds to their personalities, right?
Nancy, from Realms of Thought…
Oh, boy. I’m having this same conversation right now with one of my characters. He was supposed to come and go. Not get too involved. He saw things differently. This time, I’m glad I listened to him.
Going with the flow is great advice. Sometimes it’s hard for me to make myself listen to my characters, but when I do they always turn out more interesting.
Glad your son is better. Hope you and the rest of your family are able to avoid that nasty virus.
First I’d also like to extend my thoughts and hope that your son is indeed improving – and that the rest of your family is feeling healthy!!
I love your “Walter” story…Again, more insight for me! You really have to (for the sake of the character and the book) listen to your characters?
I would have never thought or imagined that it “works” that way sometimes. Interesting…
I sometimes wonder what non-writers would think if they could hear us…what do you mean your characters won’t do what you want; you’re the one writing them? *heavy sigh* It’s impossible to explain.
Elspeth
Don’t worry, Mom – you’re still needed! You son’s just hit that independent stage.
Good to hear the son is on the mend.
My younger one wants to be cuddled all the time when he is ill, and sometimes I wish it would end – but if that is going to be replaced with a ‘get lost Dr. Mom’ phase, I may as well savour this.
And yes, characters are people too – they never behave.
Margot–So it’s a 12 year old thing? I’m ready for it to be over!
My characters don’t like much direction either. Oh well..makes the story better.
Nancy–My son is at school today. YAY! And the character thing–absolutely…it makes them pop off the page more.
Jane–It’s a pain when it wasn’t outlined that way, but usually ends up making the story more interesting.
Annette–Ha! My husband is actually the opposite and likes to be babied when he’s sick. I don’t know which is worse. And you’re right…we’re *channeling* these characters. They are in control sometimes.
Crystal–Doesn’t that sound NUTS? I can’t really explain it. Maybe writers are actually crazy. We’ve certainly gotten that rap..and I can see why! :)
Diane–Thanks, Diane. I guess things will eventually shift the other way around.
Jemi–We all sound so odd when we talk about what our characters do, but they DO these things. And it’s not our idea. They do become real, somehow.
Rayna–Enjoy it! The next thing you know, you might get spurned. Sigh.
Journaling Woman–I just realized I have a doctor’s aptm this morning. Argh!!!! I’m arguing with my Monday, too.
So glad to hear that your son is on the mend, and you weren’t H1N1’ed.
In February, my sons were nailed with one of those lovely 2-day intestinal bugs. Since they’re both teenagers, they didn’t want Dr. Mom. Gladly, I handed them the chamberpot (ie. bucket) and let them manage. They even washed their sheets in bleach when it was over. Somewhere down the road, their domestic partners will be very happy with them.
Every book I write, there’s at least one character who doesn’t do what I expected him/her to do. I’ve learned that having a conversation with that character early in the rebellion stages helps me understand what’s going on, makes the character much more three-dimensional, and strengthens the book. You gotta go with the flow.
Suzanne Adair
http://www.suzanneadair.com
Hope the family is coming out from under the H1N1, Elizabeth.
Totally understand how characters can change on you. I recently had one insist she was not 18. Turns out she’s 16.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Terry–Exactly. And they get boring. Which isn’t fun to write *or* read.
Alan–Fortunately, he FINALLY went to school today. So violence wasn’t necessary. I’m not sure if I would have been threatening HIM, or if it would have been the other way around.
Janel–In some ways, it’s kind of nice, once you get used to it. Not as much work!
Helen–Can I do that? I’d be 29 again. :)
Glen–It IS stressful. It really is. Because it’s not part of the plan. But it’s almost always better when they’re unruly, isn’t it?
Kristen–I’m probably more like my son…not that I’m allowed to get sick! That was made clear to me in no uncertain words. :)
Karen–I’m so excited about your new project! Glad those characters are talking back to you….always a good sign.
Dorte–Sometimes they get TOO strong. I’ve had some side characters to think they’re the main character. “Get your OWN BOOK,” I tell them. Shesh!
Michele–You know, that’s true. If the characters are behaving TOO well, it’s usually a bad sign.
It’s really hard to believe how fast these kids grow up! It’s a little sad.
As far as getting up–I’m an insomniac. :) Sometimes I’m ALWAYS up! But I do always get up at 5:00 a..m, regardless. And drink lots and lots of coffee. :)
Good stuff here. I agree people, including characters in books, can and SHOULD change.
Marvin D Wilson
Marvin–True. Because *people* change. And we’re creating *people*.
Carol–Those trouble-making characters! But it sounds like he had a good idea.
Elspeth–They think we’re insane. And sometimes I wonder if they’re right. I guess we get away with it since we put it on paper…
Good to have you back, Elizabeth. Kudos to your stand-in bloggers.
Yep, seems Riley is getting older, more independent and, well, aware of what he wants…remember the clothes episode? So, that happens. I think it’s a good thing. You’re making the adjustments right along with him. It’s all good.
Best Regards, Galen.
Imagineering Fiction Blog
It’s hard to accept the way our children pull away as they get older, so different than when they were young and we were the center of their world. I hope your son’s feeling better and I’m glad to see you back. You had some great pitch hitters sitting in, I’ll have to say! I’m good at going with the flow, in life and in writing, raising five kids prepares you for the unexpected.
Suzanne–Ugh. Stomach bugs! I bet you were happy to give up your Dr.Mom duties with that stuff. Sheesh!
Rebellious characters–yes, that’s definitely what’s happening!
Galen–Adding up the evidence, it’s true! He’s growing up. Sigh. I’m working on the acceptance part.
Elizabeth–I did have some great pitch-hitters, didn’t I? You may have to become my mom consultant, since you’re raising five children! Wow.
Absolutely right on, Elizabeth. I’m dealing with a similar topic in my post tomorrow — stories that jump the rails and characters who take over. This is fun stuff.
Hope your little guy is feeling lots better now. This H1N1 is sure tough on kids.
Great post. I recently changed a character because he felt wrong. I started thinking- really? would he say or do that? Instead of trying to force it, I too went with the flow.
Carolyn–That’s so true. Forced just feels wrong, doesn’t it?
Patricia–It’s definitely hard on them. Which is odd…usually these things are harder on us! I hope your grandson is better.