My now eight year old daughter was in preschool for a couple of days a week to give me a break—and some time to do some writing. This always seemed to work out well for both of us.
Except when she was two. That’s when separation anxiety kicked into high gear. Her poor teacher that year was a sunny, small, smiling, blonde mother of two. Mrs. Heinz would greet my daughter in a cheerful voice. My daughter would scream bloody murder and cling to me in a way that necessitated her being pulled off me like a banana peel.
I promise that there was nothing sinister about this lady, the school, or the classroom, which was very open and well-monitored. Mrs. Heinz was the very definition of ‘benign.’ The only scary thing this teacher was doing was separating my daughter from me at a time she couldn’t tolerate separation.
Most of us have, at some point, to write a scene that’s either very tense or frightening.
How do we pull our readers into the scene? We want them to feel caught up in the action and definitely want them to keep turning the pages.
We want to put the reader in the protagonist’s shoes:
Have the character display nervousness or disquiet before the scary things even happen. Maybe the scary part hasn’t really started in your scene—but you can set the stage by having the protagonist looking behind them, jumping at small noises, etc.
The reader needs to know what’s at stake: The character’s life? The character’s job? Nuclear holocaust? Getting dropped off at a preschool program? Obviously, the higher the stakes, the more tension for the reader.
Make sure the character uses his senses and relays that information to the reader. What does he hear? His own heartbeat? Footsteps running behind him? Maniacal laughter? What does he see? Nothing, because the lights are off?
Make them feel what the protagonist is feeling: chill up the spine, hairs standing up on the back of the neck, heart thumping, sweat dripping down the side of the face.
Build suspense. I took a film course in college and learned about parallel editing there. That’s when you cut between a shot showing the bomb with the timer counting down rapidly and a shot of the FBI agent running desperately up the staircase to stop it. Although it’s a visual device, the technique can be useful in fiction, too. You can cut back and forth between the thing the protagonist is afraid of and the frightened character.
Books and movies that scare me also feature nightmarish setbacks…the protagonist tripping over a root as he runs through the woods, the gun that isn’t loaded, etc.
My daughter, six years ago, was able to convey a great deal of foreboding and dread (and heaps of guilt) by shrieking at the very sight of poor Mrs. Heinz. Although I didn’t share her feelings about the teacher, she did an effective job of transferring her emotions to me. :)
Which is exactly what we want to do to our reader if we’re writing a frightening or tense scene.
How do you write page-turning scary or stressful scenes?
I’m really glad I read this blog post! I teach a Sunday school class with 1 and 2 year olds and most of them inevitably scream bloody murder when their parents try and hand them over. I never really thought about using these pint-sized kids and their over-the-top reactions to create more intensity in my stories.
Usually when I try and build suspense I tend to really slow down the scene. I make each second feel like minutes.
Building suspense is the hardest part I think. Giving just enough to keep the tension mounting without giving away too much of the climax. I’ve only written suspense in short bursts; one short story, but several scenes within larger novels. Its fun to do.
I like your points. They make a lot of sense.
……..dhole
To write tense scenes I get in the scene and use my senses. Not too long ago I wrote a story at midnight with the lights out. Since I am a spooked kind of person this really help set the tone (in my mind) for the story.
I like your suggestions for creating suspense, especially the unforeseen setbacks. Of course, you could always throw a screaming 2-year-old into the scene to amplify the tension.
Brilliant post. It is so hard to get suspense right, and effectively building up suspense often seems to be in the tiny details. And can’t we all learn something about building up suspense from the little ones!
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Elizabeth – Bulding suspense is, I think, one of the most important aspects (along with solid characters and a strong plot, of course) of a high-quality mystery novel. Without suspense, the reader isn’t invested in the story. So I agree 100% that it’s very important that there be a sense of suspense.
When I write, I build suspense by an unfolding of events that the reader just knows is going to end badly. I do that with foreshadowing sometimes, and sometimes I share what the characters feel (a buildup of anger, let’s say).
Scary doesn’t really happen in my novels. Stress… I try to focus on the details.
Excellent post. I’ve used a lot of these techniques. They all work great. Your poor daughter. And you, with all that transferring of guilt. Does she remember this now?
My son did the same thing when he was two. One of the hardest parts of motherhood, in my opinion. Doing something for me that was hard on my child, even knowing the child would be fine.
I am cutting and pasting this into my “Elizbeth” writing tips folder. Thank you.
Karen
Hmmm. I’m a great fan of Alfred Hitchcock, but I’m more into suspense than into scares.
Comedy, of course, is a form of suspense, and I am very into that. When you think about it, most of Hitchcock’s techniques were closely related to comic timing theory too.
As someone further up said, I think when you want to create any kind of anticipation – positive or negative – you slow things down a little. Dwell on things. When people are scared, of course, they are very focused, so you can play with that focus to create distraction and diversion, as well as shock and surprise.
The main thing is to be careful not to try the audience’s patience too much. Tension is like a rubber band, stretch it too far and it breaks.
I don’t believe I will ever master scary well. Tension I can ramp up. I like to create uncomfortable situations placing polar opposites in close proximity.
I just love your analogies! With them you always have such wonderful advice and knowledge to share!
I try mentally “acting out” the scene. I put myself in the characters’ shoes and try to feel what they’re feeling. If it’s a scary scene and I start laughing (has actually happened), I know I’m doing something wrong.
God bless preschool teachers!
Some good points here – I simply love writing scary scenes because setting up all the atmosphere is such fun. The same goes for a good mystery or romance too!
I think you’ve hit the main points…I try to use senses as much as possible… something’s a bit off and my character knows it. Sounds, moved objects, darkness… all scary. I was reading a book yesterday and the writer, Stephen Booth, was amazing at creating suspense…
ann
I got it!
How to strike fear in the heart of every Southerner:
Put snow in the forecast. :0)
Coming from a mystery writer, this feels like I have the secret to writing suspense now!! Cool. thanks for posting this ;)
Also, my daughter was the same as yours, only we had just moved from the UK last fall, and everything was new to her. School was terrifying for her, especially since we had homeschooled her big sister. It took her nearly 4 months to stop crying when I dropped her off. And she spent the first few classes crying through from the moment I dropped her off until I picked her up. So heartbreaking.
1 – I find it difficult to build suspense since – yes, I’m writing with a pace in my mind and reading it back at the pace, but will the reader follow that pace or does s/he have their own super fast pace at which they read, demolishing the buildup? How do I make sure they’re reading at the right pace? … Does that make sense?
2 – I always worry doing setbacks since I always fear the cliche. And I know cliche is a horrible word to use in general… But I’ve been through beginner screenwriting classes. :) Writing setbacks make me nervous that I’m going to get a roll of the eyes.
building tension is difficult
a goos sense of foreshadowing can help
I haven’t written a suspense thriller yet, it’s not my genre. But it IS a fave genere of mine to read, and these tips are very good. I bookmark and/or copy and paste posts like these into a special file for the day when I might possibly try my hand at a thriller.
Marvin D Wilson
I guess the scary scenes in my book are anytime the main characters climb into their fighter to face the enemy, as death could be the result. The fast paced action of flying, dodging, firing, etc. gives it tension.
Donna–Thanks! It is a challenge, isn’t it? I limit it, myself–although I’m writing mysteries, I usually have just 2-3 really tense, suspenseful scenes. It’s hard to maintain the tension…and my genre doesn’t support extended suspense.
Emmie–See? It’s not you at all! :)
And great point about making time stand still. That’s sort of the way it is in real life, isn’t it? The tense, suspenseful times drag on and on.
Rayna–Thanks so much! I really appreciate it. :)
Teresa–I don’t think I’d have been able to go to sleep afterwards! That’s really using method-writing to your advantage…great idea!
Alan–Your words made a chill go up my spine!
Crystal–Thanks so much!
Anita–That’s a very good idea. I know what you mean about not eliciting the right emotions. I’ve gotten some funny funeral scenes before…I decided to just leave them that way and ramp up the humor of it instead of changing it back.
dirtywhitecandy–It IS fun, isn’t it? Especially from the safety of our own home! :)
Ann–I think I’ve read something by him recently too. I do really like the lead-in period for building up uneasiness.
Margot–Sort of a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ thing? I like that…the reader can see it coming, building up and creating tension.
Kristen–I think it’s the small details of life that *cause* stress–good idea for channeling that.
Carol–She has only happy memories of preschool! In fact, a couple of weeks ago she said, “I wish I was back in preschool! No homework. I LOVED preschool.” And I said, “Really? Because I beg to differ…” :)
Andy–And in a way…we KNOW that they’re putting the book down because the phone is ringing, or their wait for the doctor is over, or their lunch hour is up! But we can only do what we can on our end–if we make it exciting enough, they’re going to race through it on their end, when they have a chance.
I think there’s a reason why setbacks are basics in suspense..and why they’re cliched. Because they work! But you’re very right…use it in moderation or else we won’t get it past the editors.
Lee–And some editors aren’t wild about foreshadowing…but I like it. I guess everything in moderation?
Karen–We never get rid of the guilt, do we? Sigh! But you’re right…it’s good for mom and child.
The Daring Novelist–I think it’s definitely a thin line. Although I roll my eyes in the movies when the bad guy I THINK is dead comes leaping up off the floor at the protagonist…it still scares the fool out of me. I think the main danger lies, as you mentioned, in making sure we don’t frustrate our readers or get them irritated with us. It has to be a lighter-handed approach.
And I LOVED the way Hitchcock mixed horror, suspense, and humor. He really set the gold standard for everyone else. And now we all look derivative!
Tamika: And those ARE really stressful situations…family gatherings with people who have a history together. Those can be scarier than anything coming at you from the dark woods!
Marvin–I bet you’d do a great job with a thriller. I’ve got files like that too…for ‘one day.’ :)
Kristen–Tell me about it! We’re soooo sick of snow in the South, aren’t we? And it’s coming down in droves so that we all have to run to the store for bread and milk! :)
Carolina–Thanks! :) And…oh, I know what you mean! When you pick them up and they’re hiccuping from crying so hard. So sad!
Alex–You really have built-in situations that naturally generate fear, suspense, and tension…then you get the opportunity to build on that, too. It could get intense!
My heart races when I’m reading something tense or suspenseful – and when I’m writing it as well. So far, I’ve been using this as a guide to see if it works :)
I have some tense moments, but nothing really scary. I usually hone in on the character’s feelings and actions to show anxiety.
Lots of wonderful advice as usual, Elizabeth!
I left you an award on my blog :)
You always come up with the best analogies. I love the visual of “her being pulled off me like a banana peel.” I try to throw something unexpected into a suspenseful scene, but I like your other suggestions and will keep them in mind for future use.
Wonderful ideas and reminders. I have a scene in my finished novel that’s still bugging me and your mention of the cuts back and forth you learned in film writing may help me fix it. A character’s truck is being forced off the road by another, and I want to show events in both vehicles as it’s happening. Hmmm.
Diane–Zeroing in on the characters is a great way to pull readers into the scene.
Jane–The unexpected! Yes, the unpleasant surprises are fun, too.
Kathy–I think it’s a cool device. You could even have a short scene set apart with double-line breaks where you’ve got the sinister, unknown person in the truck and look at things through *his* POV (coldly sinister? Icily determined? Amused?), then have a scene through the protagonist’s POV with all the terror.
When my daughter started kindergarten the teacher told me she stood by the door for two weeks. Broke my heart.
I agree about building the scene with clues that add tension and it should be seen through the eyes of your protagonist. Great post.
Jemi–You know you’re writing a good scene if your heart races as you write it! That’s terrific!
Lorel–Thanks so much!
Kathi–A little foreshadowing or setting the stage is always good, isn’t it?
Oh, that makes me sad! She stood by the door! But….they never remember it years later. Thank goodness! That would eat me up.
I introduce conflict or a situation where time is running out. I let the reader know what’s going on and let the suspense build quickly rather than slowly or shocking them with an unexpected scene with no warning.
My readers know these scenes will occur many times. So I feel a one chapter or one page of buildup is enough. Forget the foreplay. This is not a love scene. Let’s get it on. Bif, boom, bam.
Stephen Tremp
Good discussion topic and the commentary is also educational for me.
I can relate to the preschool drop-off for a young one–it can be tense at times.