Unfortunately, my son’s technology teacher got very frustrated with his 7th grade class Monday.
One of the students hadn’t followed directions and printed out 8 sheets on the computer printer instead of the 2 that the teacher instructed.
The teachers are allotted a certain number of paper reams per quarter. The student who didn’t listen understandably upset the teacher.
To my irritation, though, he punished the whole class. It was probably one of those “straw that broke the camel’s back” things. I’ve met this teacher and thought him a pretty nice guy.
To add to my irritation, his punishment was for the class to write.
Wonderful. Great way to foster a love of writing in the next generation. It couldn’t be math problems instead? (Now I’m risking upsetting the math types here….but there are only 2 math lovers that I’m aware of who read this blog.)
My son came home in a really frustrated mood and told me he had to write a five page essay on three computer-related questions.
The questions? They could be answered in ten or fewer words—they were basically vocab terms for Microsoft’s Excel software program.
“I’ll never be able to get five pages from these questions!” He was swamped with other work….he’s in honors courses….and didn’t really have the time to suddenly write an essay for an elective course.
“Well…..you can. It’s completely possible. It won’t be good writing, but this isn’t Language Arts,” I said.
“How?”
“Picture the most boring person you’ve ever known. Think of a topic that’s dear to their hearts. Envision them blabbing on and on and on about their love for this thing while you’re desperate to get away from them. That’s the kind of writing you’ll need to do.”
The beginning: I recommended he start off with a couple of paragraphs about Excel itself and why it’s important. And list allll the people who find Excel useful: accountants, students, stock brokers, etc. Then list all the ways they could find it useful.
The middle: I recommended he define the vocabulary word. And then elaborate on why the item in question is a useful feature in Excel. Give several examples that don’t cover new ground but reinforce the feature’s benefits. Do the same with the two other questions.
The end: Wrap it up with a drawn-out closing, overstating the obvious. Repeat some of the same points in the summation.
There would be no subtlety in this essay. He would be spelling it all out, word by word. He would pretend that the person reading it had never heard of the Excel spreadsheet program—or, possibly, a computer– and would explain, in dreadful detail, all the different ways that different types of people could benefit from using this software and these particular features of it.
I read it after he wrote it. It was gosh-awful, which is exactly what it needed to be, under the circumstances. It’s probably an A paper, despite its intrinsic hideousness. I’m so glad I’m not this teacher, reading a total of 150 pages of that drivel from this one class.
The odd thing I found is that my son was elated. He hadn’t realized it was even possible to elaborate to that extent on a topic. I hastened to tell him never to do it with a Language Arts essay.
If I were editing that bloated monstrosity?
He used approximately 1250 words to explain something that easily could be stated in 100 or fewer words. I’d have slashed most of the text as unnecessary.
The beginning was unwieldy and verbose. It dragged on and on. It didn’t zone in to a tight focus on the subject (these few features of the software) but prattled on about the big picture (the entire spreadsheet program and its benefits.) In a murder mystery, this would be the equivalent of talking about the importance of the justice system instead of focusing on a soon-to-be occurring crime.
He assumed his reader had no experience with his subject matter (the only way to squeeze out a big word count was to over-explain.) Yet he knew the paper was going to a technology teacher. We know our audience and need to make sure we don’t talk down to them or over-explain.
He used an information dump on a topic, categorically listing aspects of the program that could be useful. In a normal paper or manuscript, there’s no need to overstate descriptions or to sum up. If you’ve described Tina as a nerd, then you don’t need to keep expounding on this a few lines down: , “Tina loved to read.” “Anytime Nova was on, Tina watched it.” “The highlight of Tina’s day was when she got to watch ‘Star Trek.’” Okay, everyone got the point at the very beginning when you succinctly stated that Tina was a nerd. The rest is overstating the point, unless the reader needs to know about Tina’s ‘Star Trek’ love as an important plot point. No need to belabor it.
The ending was no quick summation of points covered. No, it was this grueling step by step review through the material. I like endings to tie into the beginning, but to offer some fresh insight…after all, a journey should have occurred through the book. Rehashed endings can be painful to read through.
It was ghastly. But I think it taught him more about writing than penning a good paper would have. He had to think about all the standards of good writing—really think about them. And then deliberately disregard them all. It ended up being a useful exercise.
Have you ever read something that made you wonder how it got published? Did you think of ways you could have written it better yourself? Has that provided you with any inspiration for your own writing?
And…it’s pumpkin lasagna, y’all, at the Mystery Lovers’ Kitchen! Now, don’t make that face until you see what’s in it. I promise it’s sweet…and it doesn’t have any tomatoes in it.
A great post. It can be a fine line between giving almost no detail and having terse, flat writing or providing excessive detail and boring your reader silly while insulting their intelligence. A good lesson to be learned and very amusingly told.
Elizabeth – Good for you to help your son make the best out of a bad situation.
Speaking as an educator, I’m sadly surprised by this teacher’s decision to make writing a punishment. In so much of the professional development literature, and in so many workshops, etc., teachers are encouraged to motivate students to write more. This one seems to be doing the opposite.
And yes, I’ve read some very poorly-written books – we all have. I just gloss over the cumbersome stuff and try to get to the main point of the story.
Maybe in a way this is also punishment for the teacher. That is if he reads all the papers word for word. When I find a story that goes on and on like this, I tend to just skim over it and not really enjoy it and it makes me cautious to read anything else by that author.
Excellent idea! To turn a bad situation into a good one.
Steamy Darcy
Good timing: I’m discussing editing on my blog today. There must be something in the cybersphere that leads to blog synchronicity.
As for reading books that “shouldn’t be published”. I have two kinds of authors who inspire me. Those who amaze me and make me say, “Why can’t I write like that?” and those who amaze me and make me say, “If this guy got published, I can too!”
I used to write training manuals. It’s a whole ‘nother ball game.
(Back in my day, students wrote on lined notebook paper in 3 ring binders and had to buy their own supplies)
For the record, math is a very important subject, and *everyone* can make their lives easier using Excel.
How cool to have a writer mom steer the way!
Probably the only time bad writing is inevitable!
Heading over to check out that recipe. It sounds ghastly, but for you I’m willing to be open minded.
So sad that writing was the punishment. But it looks like you were able to turn that experience around. Sometimes writing something so “bad” really teaches you how to write well.
I have read books that I think were poorly written for all the reasons mentioned in your post. I tend to scan large areas rather than read the entire book, making them easily forgettable.
Though I think a sad part of your post was the fact that teachers are restricted to a certain number of reams. They should be given all the supplies they need in order to thoroughly teach a subject.
I usually like anything wedged between lasagna noodles so I’ll check out the pumpkin recipe.
Elizabeth, when I come back in another lifetime, I want you for a mommy!
Karen
Perhaps your son could explain Excel to me because it seems to be beyond my limited understanding!
I suspect the teacher will count pages and not read all those essays. He probably realized his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
Elspeth
Oh yeah, I can think of some books that were over-long and poorly written for that very reason. Glad your son ended up having fun with it. I mean really – okay Mr. Teacher, you want it detailed, I’ll give you detailed. Ha ha ha ha! (Insert evil laughter here.)
Enid–Thanks!
Cassandra–I think some writers underestimate readers’ ability to connect the dots. These writers tend to state the obvious.
Jane–I thought it was sad, too, so I went to Costco and picked up some paper. The principal, however, fussed at me. Her idea is to have the teachers not give worksheets as homework, but have them integrate new teaching methods that requires the child to write on a topic…not for 5 pages on vocab, though! :)
Margot–This one fellow just got frustrated. Which I can understand. I get frustrated and I only have *one* 7th grader! I’ve never seen another teacher punish a class with writing, thankfully. I remember when I was a kid, the teachers would make students write sentences: “I will not talk in school” 50 times, etc. That was a lot worse!
Diane–I don’t think the teacher thought it through! I mean–this writing STINKS! :)
You are an excellent mom Elizabeth! Your offered and accepted plan was good in every detail!
Great idea which, as you said, was also an excellent learning exercise for your son!
Oh yeah – I’ve begun books that made me marvel at the fact that they ever made it to print. However when I’ve been unfortunate enough to have started reading one of those, I just don’t finish them. Y-A-W-N…
(They can actually make you “antsy,” like – “C’mon already!”)
Mason–Honestly, I probably wouldn’t even grade these papers if I were him! I’d just see if they wrote 5 pages. Oh the *suffering* if he reads these things!
Jan–Why thank you! :) I usually don’t butt into the homework stuff (as I tell my son, “I’ve already passed 7th grade.”), but when it comes to writing I want him to like the process. He’s not going to choose to be a professional writer, but I want him at least to not make a face when writing comes up.
Crystal–So true! I just don’t have a tolerance level for it. But it does inspire me to write. I know I can do better than those long, droning passages and I set out to do it.
One of the reasons I enjoy being an editor is for this very thing. I get to see, so very often, what BAD writing is and looks like. They say that the best way to learn something is to teach it. By editing poorly written manuscripts and instructing the authors on how to write it better, I learn myself how to write better.
Enjoyed this post and example!
Marvin D Wilson
Marvin–I agree…it helps a ton. We can see all the mistakes and what NOT to do, then we can avoid the pitfalls easier on our own WIP.
Terry–I know! I laughed when I saw your blog topic. I guess ‘great minds think alike,’ right? :) I loved the way you handled your topic.
I’m with you on the notebook paper thing. That’s how I grew up, too. Or else the teachers used their mimeograph machines—remember the smelly purple ink that got on our hands?
It’s one of my math friends! I treasure you and Galen because I have so few math friends and it’s nice to have diversity!
I tried using Excel for my short outlines. The formulas threw me. I think I need to take the course my son is in…
Tamika–I come in useful for homework once and a while. :)
Doesn’t the pumpkin lasagna sound horrible? You should have seen the faces my kids made (and hubby too.) But they LIKED it! It was amazing!
I think you’ve answered your own question. Most overwritten pieces need to be cut, cut, cut. I’ve edited manuscripts that had so much repetition that if cut, it would be more of a short story.
I think, in the end, the teacher punished herself.
Helen
http://mysterywritingismurder.blogspot.com/
Kristen–He’s always been a competent but uninterested writer. This was the first time I’ve seen him excited about writing! I think the challenge of it kind of exhilarated him in an odd way.
Helen–Ha! Yes, like his essay. It should have been all of 2 paragraphs, probably. I felt sorry for the teacher this morning. Man, what a load of junk will be turned in today…
Hey–you forgot to count a math reader!!! (I’m a statistician in my day job) But I am totally with you on not using something you want kids to like as punishment–PLUS I think the punishment should fit the crime… he compounded the crime (which I see as wastefulness) by making them use a bunch of extra paper for their bleeping pointless essays. He should have made them go through garbages to salvage recycling–THAT would have taught them!
I love your approach though–hopefully it will teach that silly teacher a lesson. And hopefully your son will use the approach judiciously–there WILL be teachers (and bosses) who ask for a lot more than a topic merits. Never hurts to be able to BS a little.
Wow what a great idea. Doesn’t hurt to have a writer mama who knows how to take a word and turn it into a story. :)
I have heard of districts limiting paper. Ours, thankfully does not yet. I have a HUGE issue with using writing as a punishment. What are they thinking?
Your poor son – what a nasty assignment :( I’m glad he was able to find some use out of it.
Karen–You’re so nice! I have my bad mommy moments, though. Plenty of them!
Elspeth–You and me both! I can only do basic things on it, and he’s making all these sophisticated projects. It’s second nature for kids, I guess.
Hart–You don’t SEEM like you should be a math person to me! Now Alan and Galen on the other hand… :) But for you, it’s just a job, I think.
You’re right–they should have had some kind of recycling project to do or something. Wasting 5 sheets of paper on the silly stuff they were writing really IS a waste. I think you’re right–as soon as the words were out of his mouth he probably was kicking himself.
Reading *anything* about Excel would be painful. Reading 5 pages about various attributes of Excel is excruciating!
I thought I sucked at math. In school I barely earned B’s in math class. I managed to get B’s because my accountant mother was a natural whizz with numbers and she saw fit to sit down with me and drill the numbers into my head. I worked as a designer most of my adult life and it’s rife with math. I am good at math, imagine that! But as it applies to the physical world, not some abstract formulas on a page.
I was always at the top of my class in English, words made more sense to me. If not for my mother and her interference and guidance I would have failed math. Your son is lucky that you care to get involved.
Elizabeth–I know what you mean! I always thought it was a dirty trick when math teachers created word problems. Combining words and numbers? Ick! :)
It sounds like your mom cared a lot about helping you ‘get it,’ too! It’s cool when the light bulb goes off in their heads.
I have endured some dreadful novels. Repetitious, too many made up words, lots of telling and no showing, characters? aren’t these cut out finger puppets good enough?… I need to pick better books. At least I’ve learned what not to do.
I used to finish whatever I started, no matter how terrible, but no more. Life’s too short. I read aloud to my dyslexic husband, so a good guage is when he starts snoring. That’s when it’s time to close the book and say lesson over.
Journaling Woman–It’s nice to be helpful sometimes. Of course, with math he’s on his own! :)
The paper thing isn’t fun. I wouldn’t be surprised if paper-free classrooms spring up before long and it’s all on computer.
Jemi–The funny thing was how he felt so empowered afterwards. It *was* possible to do. Now I just have to stop him from doing it with other assignments!
We used to have to write sentences if we got in trouble. You’re right. A terrible way to foster a love of writing; make it a punishment! I like how you turned it around and, in a way, got back at that teacher for getting overly miffed about a few sheets of paper. If all the students wrote papers like that, he’s repent and never punish them that way again!
Jen
Oh, and in answer to the question, yes I have read terrible writing and wondered how it got published. It’s always baffled me how some stuff gets picked up. But, to each agent and editor their own!
Jen
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