Thanks to guest blogger Margot Kinberg for posting for me today! Margot is the author of Publish or Perish and an associate professor at National University in Carlsbad, CA.
It never seems to fail. I’ll be settling down for a few hours of undisturbed writing when the phone rings. Or the dogs need attention. Or the 
laundry needs to be moved along. On other days, I’ll be inspired by an idea, but it happens while I’m in an important meeting at work. Or in a long line at the bank. Or sitting in traffic on the way home from work. The problem sometimes with being a writer is that real life keeps getting in the way.
But that’s just it. Good writing is real life. The best characters are real characters who behave in believable ways. The best plots come from real-life situations that we all face. The most memorable stories are stories about people who could be us. So instead of resenting the real life that seems determined to intrude on my make-believe world of writing, I’ve learned to embrace it. I’ve learned that with a few tricks, I’m able to harness the real-life situations that I face and use them in my writing. Not only does it help to improve my writing, but I also get to feel very smug and productive even when I’m not actually at the computer ; ).
Here are the tricks that work for me:
Savor those distractions!
Sometimes it can seem as though distractions are only irritating wasters of time. But they are also the stuff of real life. Those distractions can actually help me to connect with my characters in ways I probably wouldn’t be able to do if my life ran more smoothly. Characters in my novels have to drive through bad weather, fix flat tires, pay bills, walk their dogs, deal with work issues and a thousand other things. When I experience those things, too, I’m able to empathize with those characters and write about them in ways that help readers empathize with them, too.
Distractions also help me stay connected to other people, and that’s important, too. When I’m standing in line at the dry cleaner, for instance, I connect with the other people there and with the person behind the counter and that reminds me of what real people do in those situations. That makes it much easier to write real-life scenes. For instance, there’s a grocery store scene in my book B-Very Flat. That scene’s the product of a thousand trips to my own grocery store on the way to or from work. I can empathize with the characters in that scene because I’ve been there and done that.
I admit it’s not always easy to step back and appreciate a distraction for the opportunity it is. I get as irritated as anyone when the day doesn’t work out the way I’d planned. But I’ve learned that it’s just those distractions that have taught me the most about real characters and therefore, well-written characters.
Remember what it’s like.
This one takes a little preparation, but I’ve found it to be really useful. When I’ve been pulled away from my beloved computer, instead of seeing it as “wasted time,” I try to remember how it feels to pull warm, soft clothes out of the dryer, or successfully complete a work project I’m proud of, take a long plane ride or attend a convention. All of those emotions are also the stuff of real life, and remembering them helps me to empathize with my characters when they have similar experiences. If I can empathize with them – walk in their shoes – I can make them more real, so readers can empathize with them, too.
Of course, emotions are fleeting things. That’s where the preparation part comes in. I’ve found that it helps to keep a little pad of paper and a pen handy, so I can make notes that I use to jog my memory. I know other writers use audio recorders for a similar purpose, and I’m sure that they work well, too. In some way, it’s important to try to capture the feelings one has, because that helps in giving characters believable reactions to life.
Use it!
Most writers hit “dry spells,” where the dialogue seems forced, the characters “flat” or the action unrealistic. I know I do. There are books, workshops, even courses designed to help writers create interesting and realistic stories. Those can be very useful. But the reality is, most of us don’t hit “dry spells” at convenient moments, such as just in time to register for an interesting workshop. We hit them at very awkward moments, such as a week before an important deadline.
That’s where those annoying, but very useful distractions can come in very handy. Using those experiences to “breathe life” into a character, a conversation or an event can do a lot to make writing more “real” and engaging. Using experiences we’ve had ourselves, like waiting at a dentist’s office, answering phone calls and buying a birthday present for someone can make characters more “real” – more “well-rounded.” And after all, those “round” characters are the ones that are most appealing. Readers empathize with them because they have walked in the same shoes.
I’ve found that if I look back on the situations and experiences that pull me away from writing, and remember what they are and what they feel like, I’m able to use them to draw me back to my writing. In other words, if I use my own experiences to “walk a mile” in a character’s “shoes,” I can make that character or situation more “real” – more “round.”
What do other people advise?
Author Ken Brosky has some useful ideas about using your own experiences to make characters more real.
http://writingfiction.suite101.com/article.cfm/real_life_writing_prompts
Here is author Simon Wright’s article on using personal experiences as the basis for writing: http://www.helium.com/items/1417668-using-personal-experiences-and-emotions-to-write-a-novel-or-short-story
CompletelyNovel.com is also a very valuable resource for writers. It’s got a lot useful links and article for writers, including this one on using your own experiences.
http://writingfiction.suite101.com/article.cfm/real_life_writing_prompts
Kelly Stone has also edited a fascinating book, Time to Write on integrating personal experiences and writing so as to work writing into a busy life. There’s an overview and preview of the book at http://books.google.com/books?id=lBkuU7H16r8C&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q=&f=false
What do you do when life seems to get in the way of your writing? 
How do you make those myriad distractions work for you?
Margot Kinberg
Confessions of a Mystery Novelist
@mkinberg (Twitter)
Great advice. I particularly like the one about savoring the distractions. There’s a mindfulness aspect to it that resonates with me. The suggestion doesn’t just apply to writing more realistic characters, it also makes life go a little smoother. We all have to deal with these distractions, so why not choose to be mindful and make the most of them rather than get irritated and let them ruin our day.
Nice post, Margot!
I like your suggestion to savor those distractions. I’m looking forward to plenty of savoring!
Elizabeth – Actually, it’s I who should thank you. It’s an honor to post for you.
And you’re right – making characters rounded people, so that readers get to know them and love them as we do, is such an important key to good writing. I think that’s a big part of making stories real, so that the reader can really imagine the events in it happening.
Ingrid – You have such a good point! Being mindful and making the most of distractions is helpful whether one’s a writer or in any other profession. In general, making the most of the situations we face helps us, I think, to develop a more optimistic attitude.
Jane – The same thing happens to me all the time; I get some really good ideas when I’m nowhere near the computer. I think that for writers, the key is to harness that creativity and make it work for us. And of course, I’m in full support of helping other authors do that, so if you get the urge to vacum, I’ll be glad to offer you my house ; ).
Alan – It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who has a plateful of distractions to savor : )
And if it’s your character folding the laundry, the task isn’t quite so boring.
And you bring up a good point — it’s about the emotion. Reading about someone grocery shopping or folding laundry can be boring unless it gives the reader a chance to connect on an emotional level — and, of course, drives the plot forward.
Now, if I could just channel the distraction of having a newly-retired hubby who is HOME all day.
Helen – Thanks : ). You’re right, too – rushing through those distractions just makes life more stressful, anyway, and then, when we do get back to our computers, we’re too anxious, stressed and tired to write well, anyway.
Terry – That’s a great way to look at it! Instead of thinking, “OK, I’ve got to fold that laundry!” think “OK, _____ is folding some laundry. Now, what happens to her/him?” It’s much less tedious that way. You put that well, too, about emotional connections. The best characters are those whose experiences we can feel, and not just read about.
Margot, thanks so much for posting today!
You’re so right about this–I get ideas when I’m out doing ordinary things. The idea is that we’re making the story REAL! And getting our characters rounded so that other people love them like we do is key.
Marvin – Thank you : ). You put that quite well, too. Tapping into distractions really is a way of drawing on our own life experiences. Since those experiences are what help us make our characters and stories real, then what you and Stephen King say makes sensse: bring on those experiences.
What a great way to look at distractions! Though some of my best ideas come to me when I’m not sitting at my computer, I never thought to appreciate the disruption. I’m almost looking forward to running the vacuum!
I very much like your advice to savor the times away from writing instead of rushing through them and thinking of them as distractions. I’m going to try to do that today.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Hi Elizabeth,
Just wanted you to know there’s a little something on my blog for you on Friday.
Love,
Karen
Margot; thank you for reminding us that real life is what makes us good writers!
I think this is one of the differences between old and new crime stories: fifty years ago the detective just detected. Today he/she is also expected to be a real person living a real life :D
I certainly respect the crime writers of the Golden Age, but one reason why I prefer Lord Peter Wimsey over most of the others is that we get to know the person.
Dorte – That’s a really astute observation! In today’s crime fiction, characters and events are much more “real” than in a lot of Golden Age crime fiction. Today’s crime fiction fans want their fictino to reflect real life, and they have little patience with stories where things are just too implausible. One way to make sure that crime fiction stays “real” is to use one’s own experiences to keep it that way!
Excellent post. Drawing on life’s experiences, I agree, is an essential element in being able to write “real.” And the more experiences you have, the more you can, as Stephen King advises, “write what you know” with effectiveness. Thanks for sharing this today!
Marvin D Wilson
A wonderful post, Margot with very nice advice. Personally, I don’t WANT to write all day; i burn out after about 3 hours. If I continue writing it’s all dreck and the delete key is very very busy.
Elspeth
Excellent post! Thank you very much. You demonstrate a great example of using everything we experience in life to enhance our writing. I know one thing that has improved my writing — reading great blogs like this one!
Elspeth – You’re not the only one – I have my limits, too, as far as how much time I can spend writing. At some point, one really does have to stop for a break.
Sagedarien – How kind of you :). Thank you! You’re right – it’s those real life experiences we have that make our writing better.
Elizabeth – So glad you found those links useful – I know that I do : )
This is great advice to be aware and to take note of what is going on around me. I never know when I’ll need it for a story!
Kristen – So glad you found the post useful. I always find that things I read or experience in my everyday life really do come in handy when I write.
Gosh Margot, what a power-packed post! Thanks for your advice, and the links to other great advice.
My life has kind of gone overboard into the crazy distraction department. You’ve reminded me that this is not only the “real world” (I can forget that at times :)) and that I get to save all those distractions and store them up for my writing! Thanks for the great post!
Jemi – I know what you mean about “crazy distractions.” I have plenty of those days! Sometimes it’s so easy to forget that those distractions *are* real life. They can be harnessed for writing, and they are, in their way, just as valuable as two or three quiet hours of uninterrupted writing time.
Chary – Thanks so much for your kind words : ) I’m glad that you got something useful from the post.
I love how you put a positive spin on what can seem such a negative impact on writing. Great post.
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