Today I’d like to welcome fellow Midnight Ink author Joanna Campbell Slan to the blog. Joanna is an Agatha Award nominee and her Photo, Snap, Shot, the third book in the Kiki Lowenstein Mystery Series, was released May 1.
Toying with the Idea of Writing a Book
By Joanna Campbell Slan
This isn’t the post I intended to write for Elizabeth. I’m no dummy. My job here—at least as far as I can tell—is to make you like me so you’ll want to buy my book. Failing that, I need to make you want to read my book, even if you don’t like me.
This might come under the heading: None of the above.
See, I was at a book signing last week with a bunch of other authors, and a man came up, leaned on the table, winked at me, and said, “I’m toying with the idea of writing a book.”
I believe with all my heart that he’s a very nice man. That actually, he’s lovely. That he’s kind and caring and thoughtful and smart. That he only meant to flirt a bit and to ignite a conversation.
Instead, he came very near to getting himself killed.
Okay, maybe I look like a middle-aged housewife who doesn’t get out much. Yes, my covers are bright and cheerful and scream, “Let’s have a good time!” I was sitting there like a dope with (what I hoped was) a perky smile on my face. And I did gussy up for the occasion.
But “toying with the idea of writing a book”?
I had to restrain myself.
So I counted. I counted up into the high numbers, numbers I’m not smart enough to multiply or divide.
And I waited. I hoped he’d say something I could respond to, something that would make me seem like a decent, good human being. A person I long to be.
Toying with the idea of writing a book?
I imagine he was hoping for a bit of encouragement. Perhaps I was supposed to say, “Good for you! I toyed with the idea, too, and now just look at me! Here I am, fifteen books later! Hoping you’ll give my newest book a try! Gosh, if a stupid cow like me can do it, so can you!”
Or maybe, “Oh, piffle, this is easy. I bet a big, strong, handsome fella like you could whip one of these suckers out in no time. Probably be an international bestseller, too.”
Instead I wanted to weep. I wanted to sob and say, “Mister, you have no idea. This is all I ever wanted to do in life. I put myself through four years of college and worked full-time to get a degree in journalism. I worked odd jobs to support myself doing anything in the field, just to get the practice of putting words on paper. I hate every minute that takes me away from the keyboard and my work. I love what I do and I am driven and passionate about it!”
And here’s more of what I should have said:
“I pray, sir, that you keep on toying with the idea of writing a book. I hope that for you, it never becomes anything serious. If you are lucky, you won’t really care one way or another if you get to write each day. If you are fortunate, it won’t matter if your work is good or bad. You won’t wake up each day determined to try harder than you did yesterday. That you won’t read everything you can and study every book you can and go to seminars, classes, and conferences hoping to pick up a crumb more of insight so you can someday be worthy of the printed page and your readers.”
I didn’t say any of that.
But I thought it.
***
Joanna Campbell Slan is really a very nice person, most of the time. Her most recent book—Photo, Snap, Shot—is the third book in the Kiki Lowenstein Mystery Series. Publisher’s Weekly called Photo, Snap, Shot “a cut above the usual craft-themed cozy.” And Joanna is moderately happy with that. Visit her at www.JoannaSlan.com or at http://www.KillerHobbies.blogspot.com
Perhaps you could have written his idea and then split the profits ;-J
There’s always going to be people like that, but as long as the majority of people you meet accept that this is a career, then it’s all good. (use him as a character and murder him off).
Yup – kind of makes me want to reach out and smack him for you. And for the rest of us. :)
Elizabeth – Thanks for hosting Joanna.
Joanna – You describe the passion for writing so very well! I completely understand how you felt about that comment. I’ve had people say things like that to me, too. Thanks for helping me remember that yes, there are always going to be “people like that,” but there are also people like you who understand what writing really is.
Okay, I’m with Jemi on this one. Maybe he meant well, but definitely not the way to do it.
Mason
Thoughts in Progress
Oh, I like you, Joanna!
But there are millions of people out there who firmly believe the only rason that they are not published authors is that they have not submitted anything yet.
Nothing like someone calling and asking what you’re doing. And you say, ‘writing’, and they say, Oh, Good, you’re not busy and begin yammering.
I used to design purses and accessories out of recycled materials, and I remember how infuriating it was when someone would pass my booth at an art show and say, out of the side of their mouth, “Oh, I could make that.” What this man did is on the same level, although he had the gall to say it in your face.
I agree, something like Jan Morrison’s comeback would efficiently put things into perspective. Thanks, Jan!
Maybe I have a slightly different perspective on this than you seasoned writers. My reaction to someone saying this is usually gratitude that I did write my book and got it published. I’d been wanting to write a book for most of my life, but it wasn’t until two years ago that I finally made that dream come true.
But never in all those years, when I was still just dreaming the dream, would I have said that to a successful, published writer with the implication that writing a book is a piece of cake!
Oh goodness. I’ve never had that happen, but I’ve been told (in so many words) that anyone can write a book. What’s the big deal? Ugh. Talk about having to count to high numbers…
I really enjoyed this post! Thanks!!
Jen
Oh, I thnk I love you, Joanna, not just like you. This is wonderful.
Karen
Hi Joanna – yikes! An allergist that I see told me he wanted to write a book. Did I have any advice? Bum glue my dear – nothing but bum glue. I told him that I was thinking of becoming a surgeon – but just in my spare time. I thought I had ‘an operation’ or two in me. Couldn’t be that tough. I embroider after all.
Thank heaven you don’t carry — you don’t, do you?! Just kidding.
One thing about your writing, you can take Charmaine’s advice. Wat a way to vent frustration.
The post made me want to read your work and so I will get one today.
Maribeth
Giggles and Guns
I opened these comments with a shiver: Will they hate me? Tell me what a wretch I am? Make me regret writing this?
Thanks to all for showing such generosity of spirit.
Charmaine, I even had one person say while I was doing research, “If you mention my business, I expect a cut of your book.” I felt sick. Yes, I should “murder” Mr. Toy.
Jan, a family friend told my husband he had an idea for a book and that he was going to give me a call to ask how to write one. While I totally respect the spirit and the impulse, I am saddened that people would think this is something I could impart in a 15-minute phone conversation. I’m not that good at condensing 57 years of experience!
Jemi, I stood there with a smile plastered on my face. I told myself he meant well, which I am positive he did. I reminded myself that he was reaching out, and that I had done the same many times. The forum was inappropriate, but the “wish” was in tandem with my appearance. And I still wanted to stab him in the eye with my signing pen.
Maribeth, I hope you will try my books, especially my latest one. What that gentleman didn’t realize is that this is both a craft and an art. As I write more novels, my ability grows. So this one is a cut above the first two, and that’s hard for me to admit. I’m not ashamed of the first two–one was an Agatha Award nominee–but I feel much more in command of the process. (And you should know, that sense of command is fleeting. It scampers away each time I face a blank screen.)
Margot, I think you’ve hit it with the passion aspect. This isn’t a lark, or a game, or a whim. I have always been driven to write. I have spent time and money on this passion. I have devoted myself to it entirely. While the man meant well, he misunderstood the powerful forces that drive me. He unwittingly made light of my life’s work–and that was probably the source of my anger.
Mason, you know how this goes. He was excited to meet an author, and there’s no Emily Post section in her book on etiquette that quite prepared him for this encounter. (Did I spell etiquette right? See? Only an author would fret over that!) And we’ve trained men in our society to consider their needs first. (That’s not my slam, that’s a fact. “Good” women in our society defer to the men around them.) So he didn’t even realize that I was there to sign books and not to be his personal coach. Added to that, he didn’t expect that he needed coaching. He thought he would come and mention his whim, and I would impart some wisdom that would clear the path for him. You know, it’s the old “if I only had an agent” routine, the magical thinking we all indulge before we’re in this business, and before we realize that there are a series of steps, not just one magic ticket to stardom.
Dorte, there are also legions who believe that a published author OWES it to them to help them. Unfortunately, “help them” is too often defined as “introduce me to your agent, tell the agent I’m the best thing since sliced bread, and make the way clear for me.” It just doesn’t work that way. Sure, I’ve had lots of help along the way, but from the git-go I worked on my skills. For example, it always amazes me how many want-to-be authors don’t read. Or don’t own books on the subject of writing or getting published. Or won’t spend the money to join professional organizations or go to conferences. There’s too much wishing and bitchin’ and not enough working and hard lifting.
I probably would have said exactly what you thought and slapped him up the head Gibb’s style. The problem is, and this is true of my own family, they think this is a hobby for me. They don’t understand that this is something I do because I have to, it a passion for me, a need I have to fill. I could never just toy with an idea, the characters would slap me in the head.
CD
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I’m still laughing about Jan Morrison’s comment about “becoming a surgeon is my spare time. I’ve got an operation or two in me.” Beautiful!
Toying with the idea? You should’ve informed him you were toying with the idea of killing him. Or toying with using someone of his intelligence level in your next book.
I think I would have broke out laughing at the joke of a statement. I had a book signing last year where this guy with Grace Slick blinkless eyes came up to the table and started talking about the book he wrote about (ahem) perpetual motion.
It was my first event so I smiled and didn’t want to be rude by chasing him off or throwing a hard bound copy at him. But I didn’t want hi to scare off other people. fortunately, so friends stopped by to say hi and he walked away.
Best wishes for yuor continued success.
Stephen Tremp
Clarissa, I love how Gibbs “dope-slaps” people. I wish I’d thought of that.
Terry, the problem is that even when we’re working, it doesn’t look like work to other people. I get aggravated with my family when they stick their heads (collectively or singularly) into my office and start chattering. I love them, but they just don’t get it.
Jaleh, you know of course, that there’s nothing wrong with the guy having a dream of writing. God bless all of us dreamers. But you can certainly talk your way out of doing any of the hard work that it takes to make your dream come true. Sounds like your movie guy did exactly that.
Ingrid, I feel immense gratitude. You might stop by my personal blog http://www.JoannaSlan.blogspot.com and see how far I’ll go for my fans. I am probably the most obsequious person in this business. But you nailed it, it was the casual attitude that bothered me.
SG, I should have asked the man what his occupation was, and then said, “Gee, I’ve been toying with becoming a lawyer” or whatever. That might have put things into perspective.
Alex, yeah, or I could have said, “Right, and now I’ll toy with you before you die a slow, agonizing death.”
Stephen, I think we can excuse a lot in the service of enthusiasm. I mean, all of us get excited about our work, and it’s a long slog, so we long to talk about it with a like soul. That said, we also need to respect the fact that there’s a time and place for all of us. The man who spoke to me probably was dying to chat about his ideas. He was honoring me, but he unfortunately stepped on my sense of professionalism. Fortunately, we were surrounded by other people and killing him was not an option for me.
Jen, of course anyone can write a book. That’s a given. Now can they write someone that anyone other than their mother would read? That’s the tough part!
Karen, I’m chuckling. You only love me because you don’t have to live with me. Trust me on this.
Iksienkiewicz, let me give you another perspective on that. I teach scrapbooking classes. Over the years, I’ve come to assume that anyone can do what I do, because I’m so accustomed to doing it. But I’m always, constantly, shockingly amazed at people who are totally inept at crafts. None of us should ever take another person’s talents for granted. Or take our own talents for granted. We are each special and unique, and we need to honor that. And I bet those purses were just fabulous!
Joanna,
Thank you for answering my comment with such openness and encouragement.
If you say the newest first, then newest it is. I’m trying for this weekend.
Maribeth
Giggles and Guns
Maribeth, you are very welcome. My goal wasn’t to slam this man, or to make fun of him, or to position myself as some heroic figure. I was simply trying to work through my feelings, and still be fair. Gosh, I know what it’s like to say dumb things. To do dumb things. But he was trying to connect. He just didn’t realize how his comment stung.
And yeah, I hope you try Photo, Snap, Shot, but then I hope you are inspired to go back to #1 (Paper, Scissors, Death) and #2 (Cut, Crop & Die). Personally, I love reading a series from the start because I like seeing the author grow, I love seeing the characters become more real to both the author and to me, the reader.
Joanna, thanks so much again for coming by today!
Do you know, I’ve heard that a few times myself. It makes me grind my teeth. I tell them to go ahead and give it a go. :) Then they’ll find out… {wicked laugh.}
Now that’s probably the BEST response of them all! Thanks so much for having me. I hope I’ll be invited back again real soon.
I’m toying with that idea too. Fun, but difficult to find enough time to get progress.
Cold As Heaven
That’s the rub, Cold as Heaven. All of us must find a way to make the writing our #1 priority.
Elizabeth- Thanks for hosting Joanna!
Hi Joanna, this post is awesome! I sure wish you’d said that out loud just because I really want to know what his response would’ve been, lol! To non-writers, our job seems so romantic and easy (I blame TV and film for that) and people think just anyone can do it. And sure, anyone can write, but not everyone can finish what they write and then go one to publish. It takes writers with unbridled perseverance and passion (like yours!) to climb that mountain!
Laura, well-said about finishing a book and getting it publication-ready. That’s a huge step that some never take. As for passionate, right now my passion is waning, but give me a good night’s rest and I’ll be back at it again!
Writing will never be more that a hobby to me, Joanna. I have 1.2 jobs and a family to take care of. If I can get half an hour to write every day, I’m happy >:)
Cold As Heaven
Oh, you had me laughing, Joanna. I can just see you sitting there pondering whether to kill him before or after you start bawling. Just don’t hit him with one of your books. You might damage it.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Hit him with the Bible … that book has been used to kill people for centuries >:)
Cold As Heaven
Cold as Heaven, somedays I don’t get any writing in! Isn’t that sad?
Helen, my covers are way too pretty to use as fly-swatters!
Joanna, do you have a digital contract of any kind? I have been trying to find your books for my Sony eReader and I haven’t had any luck. Any suggestions where to look?
Thanks, Elizabeth, for hosting!!!
Prof Stacy, my first two books are out on Kindle, and I suspect that “Photo, Snap, Shot” will follow shortly.
Meanwhile, you can read a short book featuring Kiki at http://www.YouPublish.com/KillerHobbies or read excerpts from the Kiki books at http://www.YouPublish.com/joannaslan
On my website, under resources there are also tips for writes. And lastly, if you are someone who gives presentations regularly, you might want to check out “Using Stories and Humor: Grab Your Audience,” the textbook I wrote that’s been endorsed by Toastmasters.
I am running out to find one of your books, Joanna — anyone who can write a guest post like this (that makes me grin like a luny on a rainy day) is going to be someone whose books I love!
So glad you kept yourself in check — wouldn’t want to be thinking of you behind bars (tho – hmm – that’d probably give you more to write about…).
Commenter Jan Morrison – HA! love it — particularly: “I embroider after all.”
Square Peg Person…
It’s a sad round hole that all of us are shoved into, isn’t it?
I think that if you like my post, you’ll love my books. Thanks so much.