I know y’all think I spend more time at the grocery store than any other place…and you’d be right. I just can’t seem to organize my food menus enough to keep from going to the store every other day.
So I was there yesterday, in a tearing hurry. The school bus was depositing my 3rd grader in 30 minutes but we were out of yogurt and napkins.
The cart, naturally, was $65.00 full by the time I got to the cash register. I’d realized all the things that I was out of while I walked through the store. On top of that, I was hungry, which is a huge no-no when grocery shopping.
So, still in the wild frenzy, I race up to the checkout and start pulling out cans of cream of something soup. Then, who should come up behind me but a lady with only a few items.
My personal rule is that people with only a handful of items go in front of me. All the time. It results in good karma the next time I go to the store for only sugar. But…the school bus. And my frenzy. And she might be one of those people who pays with dimes and quarters. And…
So I started off pretending I didn’t see her and unloaded my cart. By this time the customer in front of me was finished paying.
I couldn’t stand it. It was my personal rule! I quickly stopped the cashier before she started scanning my things and asked, “Would you like to go ahead?”
Fortunately, this lady apparently had nothing else in life to get to because she said, “Well aren’t you sweet! No, hon, you go right ahead.”
Hot diggity dog!
As for the writing?
I have a personal rule—I go with editorial suggestions. It’s a policy that has served me well. Once it gets into an editor’s hands, I truly think of the book as a collaboration and not my baby anymore.
I was asked to incorporate a particular idea into a book. And I did. I wrote it in and wove it into my story.
Except I thought there might be a problem with one aspect of the addition.
As I continued writing, I saw the problem grow.
I decided to continue writing the idea. Following editorial direction is my personal rule! It results in good karma. I’m easy to work with. I like to do a Good Job.
Sure enough…there ended up being a problem.
Fortunately, after the issue was realized by the editor, I had a great idea for getting out of the problem and still incorporate a part of the original idea.
Following both personal rules served me well. The lady beamed at me for asking if she wanted to go first—I played nice and still got home in time. I followed editorial direction, was a team player, and was able to tweak the problem area later.
Do you have certain rules or principles that guide you each day? Do you stubbornly stay the course like me? Do your personal rules ever lead you astray, or do they work out in the end?
Never really got down to making a list of my rules, but one thing I am sure of- had I been in exactly your position, I would have done exactly the same thing. Pretended to myself to go against the grain, and catch myself at the last moment.
And yes, one of my personal goals is that if I can’t convince the other person of something, I go along with what the person says. Sometimes the person may be saying something absolutely rubbish, but if I can’t make a coherent case for it, (s)he probably things I am speaking rubbish too.
I tend to be more of a go with the flow person and follow my intuition in each individual situation rather than living by hard and fast rules. However, there are some fundamental principles that are such a core part of who I am that going against them would feel like I’m not being true to myself, and that always feels awful.
I love that you do that so few people do.
Kate x
Elizabeth – I like your rules. I try to do the same thing at the grocery store, actually. It does make for good karma and I try to imagine how I feel when I have only one thing and there’s someone ahead of me with a cartload of things…..to me it’s simply treating someone else the way one wants to be treated oneself.
It’s funny you would mention that about editors’ suggestions. You’re right that they can have a lot of wisdom and their ideas are often really effective. That’s why it’s so important to developing a strong, positive editor/writer relationship, so that both can feel a sense of ownership of the book.
Listening to my own personal rules (or that little voice in my head -I like to say) rarely leads me astray.
Great information!
Kindness should be the rule for everyone! I totally understand your dilemma and I’m happy the results worked out in your favor. I’m a big advocate of holding doors for people, even though I’m a lady. There’s nothing worse than a closed door in your face. I’m looking forward to the day I can collaborate with an editor and will keep your advice in mind.
Btw, I enjoyed your book!
I have two major rules:
1) Always try to do the right thing.
2) Don’t be such a stickler for rules.
When it comes to writing/publishing, my rule is like yours–be a team player. It’s a privilege to get published–a lot of time, money, effort, etc. is being put behind your book, so I think it behooves an author to go the extra mile to make it successful, without rocking the boat.
I am another of the “you go ahead” people. I’ve certainly appreciated it when someone has let me go ahead.
However, I’m not like Rayna; if I’m debating a point with someone and they won’t agree I don’t jump to their viewpoint. I’ll just let it go and agree to disagree. Too much debating in my background! On the other hand, I’m certainly open to other viewpoints and will change my opinion if the other person has a convincing argument.
Elspeth
Yeah I’m a “you go ahead of me” kinda guy if someone only has a cupla items and I got a whole cartfull. Just common courtesy. Unless they’re gonna write a check – then I tell ’em to keep their butts right where they are – lol, just joking.
But things like holding doors open for little old ladies and women with children, letting people cut into the traffic when they’re stuck trying to get out onto the road in heavy backed up traffic – stuff like that – just being nice and courteous throughout the day helps make my day and I’m always appreciative when others extend the same courtesy to me and others.
I have NO idea how to relate this comment to my writing – lol – I’m not coureous at all when it comes to writing a book. (wink) But I DO submit to my editor’s iron will and immense wisdom.
The Old Silly
I always let people with a handful of groceries go before me. I depise seeing someone with a cart overflowing with junkfood race to beat someone with a few groceries. Bad larma, methinks so.
The one rule that I live by (and I make my kids do it too) is that you can always try. You may not do well at something, but you can always try doing it! Sometimes you might be surprised at the results.
Sounds like we have something in common – I sometimes try that pretend not to see trick but it never works – my guilt always clicks in.
Before my first book was released, my editor asked me make some changes in one section that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do – it sounded impossible to me. But I sat down and tried and ended up loving the changed scene. I would have given her a hug if she’d been nearby!
The only rule I can think of at the moment is: I don’t argue politics. (My DH and I will talk politics, though.) I’m not a debater (I’m more the moderator personality) and I hate to argue. I have a friend who is on the opposite side of the political bench. He loves to send me things via email that he knows I disagree with. I’ve started just deleting those emails and answering just the others (I hear from here probably 5 or 6 times a day, so I’m not ignoring him totally).
Well, this rambled on longer than I expected.
Helen
Straight From Hel
I assume most editors know what they are doing, and I think I am willing and able to listen to good advice. But when I write my flash fiction pieces, I only alter things if I am certain the corrections will make the story better. It is really important that the story should feel like mine & not everybody elses.
Rayna–That’s a great point. After all, if we can’t immediately argue the point, may as well just let it drop.
Ingrid–Isn’t it funny how anxious that can make us? I don’t like it when I know I’m not following my principles.
Kate–You’re right. I was in Costco today with one bottle of children’s vitamins and had to wait forever behind someone with a pallet of stuff.
Margot–That’s what I think, too. I do have a couple of friends who’ve had editorial nightmare scenarios, but the 3 editors I’ve dealt with have been wonderful. And, after all, they read a lot more than I do. I tend to think they’ve got better ideas.
Journaling Woman–Our gut instinct is so rarely wrong.
Marvin–It makes the day go so much smoother, doesn’t it? You do sound like a gentleman! You’d do well here in NC.
Stacy–Your day is coming, I’m sure! And thanks so much. :) I’m glad you liked it.
Stephen–It’s worse when it’s junk food, isn’t it? Not sure why, but it definitely seems worse.
Jane–Oh the guilt! Me too. I’m glad your collaboration with your editor went so well. I love it when their changes make the book better!
Alan–You’re right. I’m happy to make just about any change I’m asked to do. If I don’t make them…well, there’s a ton of other writers who are happy to take my place! And the publisher would be eager to take them on and ditch the squeaky wheel.
Helen—Oh, boy. I know someone like that. He doesn’t send the emails to me, but to a politically active member of my family. Always gets him steamed!
I’m not the shopper at my house–typically at the store I am the one with only a few items, but I always go through the self-check <12 row, so it isn’t relevant. In traffic is probably the equivalent for me and I totally agree–courteous is good karma… however I’m not above dishing BACK a little back karma if somebody’s been rude (like when the signs say to merge and someone drives way past all the people who’ve followed the rules–no WAY am I letting that louse in.
I publish scientifically, so your editing approach just seems practical to me. if I have a real reason, I will articulate and explain why NOT to take a suggestion, but most I just happily do.
Good rule!
And yes, I follow 99% of my editor’s suggestions.
I think another set of eyes is invaluable…you just can’t go to…well…the grocery store and buy input, advice, counsel, suggestions, whatever you want to call it. I’ve also been at writing long enough to know, I certainly don’t have all the good ideas, or that what I put on paper translates to something that connects with readers…Yes, it works for me, but then, I wrote it, so, it’s clear as a bell!
I normally try to incorporate every suggestion made. Not always, but, 95 percent of the time. Even if I don’t personally see a before and after difference. That’s not important; it makes the suggestor feel enfranchised and the next time I’m seeking help, will more readily get it.
Best Regards, Galen
Imagineering Fiction Blog
Hart–I hope you’ll be out there the next time I try to pull left out of my subdivision!
You’ve had great training for working with an editor. I’ve heard so many diva stories about writers. Not us, though!
Elspeth–You must think on your feet well. I don’t think I do.
Janel–That’s the BEST rule for kids, as far as school and extra-curriculars go. Great advice.
Diane–I’m sure you don’t get too many of them, Diane! I know how hard you work on those books.
Dorte–Interesting! I can see how you would feel that way for flash fiction. The shorter the fiction, the more it’s completely yours.
Galen–Absolutely! That’s the way I feel. The change doesn’t usually matter to me one way or another–if it matters to an editor, I’m making it.
I try to pass around my share of good karma as well! I’m always thrilled to notice my kids doing the hold the door, let the other person go first, let the driver in, … things!
I always let the person with a couple of things go before me. But, I’ve noticed, when I’m the one with a couple of items the person in front of me pretends not to notice. No big deal. I just grab a magazine and start reading. The problem is, I almost always get hooked and purchase the magazine!
My personal rule, I have to be ON TIME. If I say I’m going to be at a certain place at a certain time, I’ll break my leg trying to make it happen.
My personal rules have backfired so many times that I’m down to one really solid general rule: Try to play nice.
Oh, Elizabeth, I totally understand! I’m a clock watcher, too. It’s a hard life, isn’t it?
Jemi–That’s the BEST…when you’re kids are doing it. Give yourself a pat on the back!
Patricia–Mine tend to backfire sometimes, too. Play nice works, though.