I’ve thought a lot lately about how creative people have it rough sometimes.
We do get so much back from being creative—if we didn’t get a lot of joy from it, we wouldn’t do it. And I think most of us get a lot out of our friendships with other creative people, too.
But there’s also a bad side. And usually that comes with sharing our work with others.
My husband and I were at a play a couple of weekends ago at a neighborhood theater with an intimate feel to it. It was so intimate that my husband and I felt practically like part of the cast in our front row seats. When the play started, I saw one actor scan the audience, quickly taking it in before starting his lines.
If you think about it, actors have a lot in common with writers. There’s an audition process for them that rivals writers’ querying of industry professionals. And, for stage performers, there’s that added stress of instant approval or rejection from a live audience—at least a writer’s audience is usually remote. Musicians and visual artists are also in the same boat as far as the stress of putting their work out there for people to hear and see.
Creative people probably don’t have the best disposition for handling this kind of stress. A lot of us are introverted and private…and passionate about what we do, to the point where rejection of our creative work feels personal.
There was a blog post the other day from a writing friend of mine, Marybeth Whalen who I met online, but had lunch with a few weeks ago when we found out we live just a few miles away from each other.
Her post made me wince because it’s really the worst-case scenario you’re going to have as an author.
Think about how tough we have to be—we’ve already faced our own fears and insecurities about writing.
We’ve sacrificed our personal time. We’ve learned about the industry through never-ending research. We’ve had critique groups and first readers make suggestions and offer opinions on our writing. We’ve had a hundred rejections from agents and publishers.
Then we finally make it—get an agent, get a publisher. Still, rough days continue with the occasional bad review.
So far, though, it’s probably all been with a little bit of distance between you and the different little stabs of hurt or rejection.
With Marybeth, she actually was asked by a book club to make a conference call to discuss her book—and she ended up falling into a trap. Maybe, actually, it was more like a firing squad. The book club had apparently strongly disagreed with what they thought Marybeth’s opinions on divorce were, as represented by a character in her book.
I felt terrible for Marybeth having to defend her fictional book in real-time, but also felt sorry for creative people in general. I think, really, we all have to have nerves of absolute steel—and you hate to be that way because sensitivity is a pretty common trait of creative people—we’re observant folks who take it all in. Not really the brash or hard types.
Marybeth ended her post, though, by saying that she took a lot of strength from an email she received from a reader who really got her book.
I hate to say it, but most days I think I’m tough as nails. Or, maybe there’s just a difference between Writing Elizabeth (the daydreamy person who might absentmindedly walk off a cliff while plotting her book) and Promoting Elizabeth (who would like for you to like her book, but won’t be hurt if you don’t.)
Promoting Elizabeth isn’t going away unless I stop writing books, which isn’t my plan. And, honestly, I really do think it helps to have a tough skin in conjunction with a writing career. I hate having one, but it grew out of necessity over the years. I think it means that we can put all of the bad stuff out of our mind and focus on the good things (like Marybeth did with her reader’s email)—and focus on being creative without worrying what the audience reaction will be.
I think back to the actor I saw in the theater. His eyes took in the packed house, the air of audience anticipation and the audience’s impatience for the show to start. He took a deep breath—and dove right into acting.
And ended up with a standing ovation.
Elizabeth – This post really struck home for me. We writers put ourselves into what we write. When we have to face what your friend faced, it’s hard not to take it personally, but characters, plots and so on are the writer’s creation – they are part of the writer’s self. But as you say, writers do have to be thick-skinned. It’s so important not to let others dictate how we will feel about ourselves and our identities as writers.
On the one hand, it’s nice to know your characters became real enough to irritate some readers (not all our characters are likable, after all) but still–there’s no reason to assume the author IS the character, or shares that character’s values. Otherwise, our characters would all be the same. And we do put bits of ourselves into the work. It was very hard to go public with one of my short stories, because it was based on something that actually happened. Even though I’d made changes, it was still very hard to decide to submit it for publication, because I was afraid people would think what was on the page was the truth.
N the one hand, it’s nice to know Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
Nice post, Elizabeth! And it’s very true. If you’re a writer, there’s rejection every step of the way. Unfortunately, if you have a thin skin, you’re going to feel a lot of pain.
Really wise words, Elizabeth! Writers are often sensitive, but need to develop really tough skin. That can be really difficult sometimes!
I’m growing that skin even as I write this.
And yes, actors and writers, I think have that same sensitivity. We both put everything we’ve got out there on the line and it’s anyone’s guess if they’re going to like us. Scary thought.
Oh, well said, good lady. Very well said indeed. I love this.
Your friend was ambushed! Things like that worry me. I’m usually even-keeled, but at that point, my defenses would emerge.
Ambushed on the phone! It’s bad enough in person or print. It’s FICTION for heaven sake, not a How To… book.
Nothing like bitterness to blow your day.
Thing is no matter how thick the skin, sometimes it’s gonna hurt like heck.
Great post as always, Elizabeth.
First, an actor’s rant: If I was that actor’s director, he would have got a firm talking-to. Taking a look at your audience before you begin is one of the worst sins as he broke the ‘4th wall’. I’m glad he got a standing ovation, but jeez. I could go on, but I won’t.
Placing my writer’s hat back on my head, I constantly find it odd that readers believe that our characters are voicing our opinions when oftentimes, it couldn’t be further from the truth.
The similarity between being an actor and being a writer is one I am very familiar with!
Great analogy. Rejection comes with the territory. It is difficult sometimes regardless of our “thick skin” we acquire over time. We pour ourselves out into our work an have such great expectations. Some days are better than others. Yep, we will have tose moments when we are performing in front of a “tough crowd.”
Stephen Tremp
Excellent post, Elizabeth. I’ve been an actor and I’ve been a director and a writer and while writing is how I would most choose to spend my creative time sometimes I long for the other. All three of them require the same discipline – serve the written word. Not our ego, not our ambition, not our popularity but simply serve the written word. Jan Morrison
Hearing rejection is so hard. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it when my latest book gets published because it’s my baby.
CD
Alexandra is right. This is such a wise post, Elizabeth. Thank you for sharing.
Karen
Nothing can hurt your writing ego if you don’t do it, but then no good things will ever come your way either. So look over what you have to do, the risks and rewards, and then just do it!
Loved this post. And it made me realize that I have reached my promoting self as well, that I’ve gone from needing EVERYONE to love my books from I would like it but if you don’t that’s okay. I love finally being in that place. It’s much less painful. Now I’m going to that link and read your friend’s post. What a lousy thing for a book club to do. Aren’t they supposed to be *supporting* authors?
It seems their teacher forgot to tell them not to mix up the writer, the narrator and the characters!
Again, an extremely useful post for someone who has not been exposed to a lot of criticism yet.
Recently I read a rather negative review of what is probably a badly written book, and the problem was that the daughter of the couple who wrote it had seen the review and was very upset by it. I felt very sorry for her, but I hope her parents will be able to help her and tell her that she´d better ignore negative reviews. Readers ARE entitled to dislike and criticize what we write, especially when they are not scathing but just expressing their honest opinion.
Alexandra–It’s hard to develop, for sure, but then it’s so much better when you *do* have it.
Piedmont Writer–It’s a hard line to walk because, from a marketing standpoint, you *have* to want the book to sell well and for people to like it. But if we want people to like the book for personal reasons or because *that* gives us creative satisfaction…I think that’s where the problem comes in. We need to get our creative satisfaction from the writing process itself and not from outside validation. Otherwise, we’re really setting ourselves up to get hurt.
Simon–Thanks so much!
Margot–I think sometimes it’s hard not to feel personally attacked. But we really have to get past it…hard as it is so we can stay creative and focused on writing again.
Alex–I don’t think any of us would be good in that kind of situation. I’ve been at book clubs where there have been people who didn’t like the book…but they were balanced by other people who did. And it was all a very calm and dispassionate discussion. An ambush would be incredibly hard to deal with.
Mary–It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Fiction is fiction!
I wonder sometimes at some of the mean-spiritedness out there. And whether readers think that because writers’ *books* are public that the *writers* are public people who can handle harsh criticism. But we’re not. And most of us haven’t chosen to be in the public eye. And it does sting.
Terry–It sounds like really naive readers, to me. I write murder, but I certainly don’t advocate murder! I wonder about readers who can’t separate reality from fiction.
And good for you to have the strength to put something personal out there. I haven’t really done that, although my characters are personal to me.
Stephen–I usually offer disclaimers (which might be another example of why I’m not a wonderful salesperson.) Someone at a signing will ask me, lightly, “So, will I love this book?” And I’ll answer, “I don’t know. Do you enjoy mysteries? Humorous mysteries? Books set in the South? Books with older protagonists?” There are just so many different tastes that people have–our books can’t satisfy every one. I think we expect people to be *polite*…actually, I don’t think I even expect that anymore.
Jan–What a beautiful way of putting it! And I love to hear that writing is still at the top of your list of loves. :)
Clarissa–Honestly, I usually avoid reading reviews–good or bad. It messes me up. I’m trying now to just focus on writing and making my publisher happy.
Alan–And if it’s thicker skin, there’s so much less of it!
Laura–Good point! We could all just keep our work to ourselves and not ever get hurt–but then we’re not experiencing all the rewards, either.
Karen–That’s the BEST place to be in. We’re getting our validation from our writing and our publisher…maybe our sales. But not directly from readers.
The book clubs I’ve spoken to have been great–but I’ve heard stories from others. I’m just imagining that they sometimes don’t realize how personal a story is to a writer.
Elspeth–I wondered if you’d pick up on that! Well, I was practically at his eyeballs in that theater, so maybe it wasn’t as noticeable to everyone else. :)
I usually don’t write my opinions in my books and my characters don’t speak for me. That’s the whole fun part isn’t it–making things up as we go along.
Did you have more fun in theater or with writing? I’d be scared to death to act.
Being ambushed on the phone sounds awful and worse, it’s deceitful. I’d like to say I won’t have to worry about that, but I suppose someday, somewhere, I’m going to write something that will rub people the wrong way, whether I wrote it to be provocative or not.
Perhaps authors should come with warnings similar to those that appear on DVD commentaries: Opinions expressed within these pages do not necessarily reflect those of the writer and publisher.
People often don’t understand that our books are extensions of US – they attack the book, they are attacking us.
And most people don’t know how to properly criticize and discuss, either.
That really is a tough spot. People just don’t all share the same views on things, and those can skew how they see what we do. I think that is one of the reasons I opted for my online personality to be at least as outspoken (and outrageous) as I really am. I don’t really WANT people to think I am sweetness and light and then get mad that I’ve misrepresented myself. I think though, you are onto something with the separating the parts of you, and it is probably wise to send the PROMOTER to talk to anyone who isn’t ALSO a writer, and so likely to get how the lines are drawn.
Beautifully put. I love how you look at the world.
JEFritz–I think we don’t really dwell on the bad reactions as writers–and we don’t expect them. It sure makes it harder when someone gets upset about something we write.
Ha! Yes, maybe a disclaimer.
Karen–Thanks so much!
Diane–You’re right–I think a lot of people get combative instead of giving constructive criticism.
Hart–Good point. So we could walk into something like this with our guard up.
Mallory–Thanks so much!
It’s a thriller author that said this, but I can’t remember his name right now. Something like, “Thousands of people don’t like my books or my writing, but a million people do.” We have to keep that in mind with every comment we hear. Some people connect, some don’t. Some do, but don’t want to admit it. Some don’t like to be challenged by the words they read from us. Our mission is to write what we’re called to write.
It has taken a long time, but I have finally learned to let those negatives roll off me and move on. But then, I have never been ambushed like your friend. I have had people who took me to task in a review because I did not have a character do what that reviewer thought she should, but that was just one person’s opinion.
One of the best experiences I have ever had as a writer is when my play was accepted into a festival. I had one character who was sarcastic and funny, but he had a peculiar sense of humor and I worried and worried over some lines. I thought I should probably cut them.
But then I heard the actor speak the lines, and the audience not only laughed but after the first joke, they really warmed up to everything.
At the same time, one of the actresses afterward came up to me and kept asking if her choice in how to play the part was okay. She was a professional, and ran a theater company. But she was nervous.
I got the gratification, they got the nerves.
Dorte–That’s what I was thinking! I wonder about people sometimes…
That would be tough for the daughter. Of course she’d want to defend them. But…it’s unfortunately part of the business. We just have to grit our teeth a lot.
Mary–Good point! And a great quote. Was it James Patterson, maybe?
Maryann–Yes, my experience has been more like yours. Reviews hurt, but it’s on paper (or online) and it stings a little less, I think.
The Daring Novelist–And the audience got to enjoy the combination of your writing and their acting! There’s something especially rewarding, I’d think, in screenwriting and scriptwriting. I like the idea of the actors taking on my nerves, too. :)