My daughter would balance on the slippery edge of the bathtub for what seemed like an eternity before stepping out onto the mat. No holding on to the side for her.
“Oh my goodness, you are scaring me to death!” I’d say.
“Why?” Very curiously.
“You’ll get hurt!”
A couple of days later–
“You’re scaring me just looking at you! I told you not to stand there!”
“Why?”
“Because I said so!”
Finally, when the same scenario of the bathtub balancing act played out a third time, I said in my best ghost story voice:
“I once knew a boy when we lived in Birmingham. He was just a little guy. But one day, he stood up on the edge of that slippery bathtub. He was just weaving and wobbling around, and WHAM! He busted out both of his front teeth. Oh the blood and the crying–you just wouldn’t believe it! His mama had to put his teeth in a glass of milk so they wouldn’t go rotten on the way to the dentist. And the dentist had to stick the little boy’s front teeth back in!”
She never stood up on the edge of the bathtub again.
What’s the lesson? Other than the fact that I finally succumbed to the grand tradition of parent warnings (including the granddaddy of them all “Your face will freeze like that!” I liked to cross my eyes at people when I was a kid…)?
That when you paint a good, concrete image in someone’s head with words, it’s powerful.
How to make it vivid? I think it depends on the book and the genre.
I usually like reading vigorous language with strong verbs, spot-on metaphors, and sensory details that are quick but evocative.
Fancy adjectives don’t hurt. And I’m not adverse to adverbs if they’re not overdone.
A good storytelling style, or voice, helps too. Even if an author’s word choices aren’t wonderful, if his voice is strong, it’ll grab me. I can see everything through the narrator’s eyes and it pulls me into the story.
What makes a vivid story for you?
Oh, but I think you chose a brilliant way to pull the parent warning card. Kids won’t listen to warnings unless they feel it really relates to them, and I can’t think of a better way to do so! If you had said: “You can fall down and bust your teeth out”, she wouldn’t have cared. But because you had a realistic example, and one with a boy you “knew” at that – it became alive. Well done!
I know someone who likes to tell people (jokingly) “Because I will destroy you.” It is difficult to think of a come back to that one. It definitely works better than because I said so or just because and yet means more or less the same thing.
Thanks for sharing this post. It is always a good idea to make your writing very visual.
Your story made **me** want to be careful getting out of the tub! You could have given my gran tips. She used to warn against playing by the river, and told me about all the people who had drowned there, an old fisherman in particular,yada yada… If she’d made up something about a little girl my own age, I would have listened. Maybe.
Voice, most definitely voice. It can do so much for the story! The other things help obviously, but voice is what does it for me. :)
Elizabeth – I think one of the elements that gets readers hooked on a story is characters they can identify with right away. Your daughter identified with the boy in your story, and cared what happened to him. I think, too, that effective, evocative verb choices are helpful, too (e.g.”trudged” or “plodded” instead of “went” or “walked.”). Thanks for the reminder: it’s always good to go back over one’s work to make sure it’s as evocative as possible.
Having recently read a book that left me totally cold, I’d say there has to be some emotional connection. I don’t think you can single out one aspect of the writing, because that starts to push into ‘rule’ territory. I think Jemi hit it with “voice.”
(And we’re in synch again because I’m talking about edits and word choices at my blog today)
I can’t remember what I used to get my kids to toe the line. Maybe for them, “Because I’m the Mom” worked.
I think it’s the voice, as well as the character that draws in me. Love your post. What did you tell your children when they were younger to get them to eat their vegetables? Whatever it was, I’m sure they listened and love vegetables now.
What makes a story vivid?
Blood and “teeth in milk” work well. I won’t be forgetting the story of that poor boy you knew!
Thanks for this, Elizabeth. I just love how you weave your home stories into the message for writers.
For me the sensory details, as you mention, are really important. The smell of the wet hardwood floor,etc. really pulls me into the story. Of course, as long as it’s not overdone.
As for dealing with kids, I’ve completely fabricated many lesson-teaching stories for my kids. I grew up on a farm where life was “nasty, brutish, and short” for kids who didn’t listen to their moms.
I agree with so many here. Voice. Hands down, but followed closely by vivid details. Both of these are high on my list of ‘things to improve.’
HAHA!!! So true! And such a great example!
HAHA!!! So true! And such a great example!
I’m not sure I could ever balance on the side of a tub, but after reading your excellent story I know I’ll never try!
I think it’s a strong writing voice that pulls me into a story and holds me there.
I have to really care about the characters and feel an emotional connection with them and their lives. I think telling your daughter a story was a brilliant way to get the message across. Obviously, since it worked!
Karen
Welcome to the world of parenting where we find ourselves pulling many of the same tricks our parents did even though we swore we never would!
I try to write characters people will connect to. Maybe not to everything about them, but hopefully even one small characteristic or reaction will have a reader saying “I understand why he/she did that.”
Elspeth
What you are about to read is a pretyped message used to post as a comment on the blog, “Mystery Writing is Murder.”
Your talent at providing us with life examples, and incorporating that into writing continues to not only amaze, but impress me.
Okay, CCP back now – sorry, it’s just that I feel like a recording so often when I comment here! I love your blog and how you do that!
As for being vivid – all of the above. The combination of language, words, voice – all work together in the dynamics of the story, when used and put together well. Which you definitely do!
Reminds me of an old axiom truism I learned when I was in sales.
“Facts tell, STORIES SELL!”
Marvin D Wilson
Cruella–Thanks! I wonder how many old fairy tales were set up that way on purpose, too. Goldilocks and the 3 Bears…a warning not to trespass?
Cassandra–Wonder what my kids would do if I said that? :) Really, though, it’s a good line.
Lorel–Old fishermen don’t really work, do they? It had to be somebody the kid’s age. I thought if I made it a little girl, she might be suspicious that I was manipulating her, but with a little *boy*…
Jane–It really did scare the living daylights out of me. I guess having a strong imagination is just an occupational hazard!I’m with you on the voice.
Jemi–Besides characters, voice is really key for me, too.
Margot–Great point! I love really strong verbs–it really brings a story alive for me.
Terry–In synch again! We must have been separated at birth.
Emotional connection–that’s really key, too. Sometimes I just don’t CARE about the protagonist and they could fall off a cliff for all I care. Holden from “Catcher in the Rye” was like that for me.
Crystal–Ha! Too funny. I like your pre-typed message..thanks!
A combination of all of them is really good, isn’t it? I think Rowling, especially, does that well. Couldn’t we all picture Hogwarts?
Mason–You know, I think I used the scurvy and rickets story for the vegetables and fruit! My kids will probably end up in therapy when they’re adults…
I think for me it’s being in the characters’ lives and heads. If I’m in an omniscient narrator’s head, I’m not in their lives and the story doesn’t capture me.
Now, you realize that to offset scaring the bejeebers out of her, you’ll need to find something where you can encourage her to be daring and bold.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Great example! I think my daughter might have done better at rules with vivid stories too… My son just doesn what he’s asked. Me other the other hand? I would have assumed I had better balance than that silly boy and done it anyway… so there ARE limits (the river story would have needed a really good swimmer who drowned to convince me).
You’ve nailed all the elements of making it memorable and relevant though–the similar age, the details, the emotional punch. I love it!
I like that you like great adjectives! I sometimes feel they are taboo these years, and I think it is so sad. In my classes, I try to make my students love crisp and imaginative adjectives.
I love it! My sister once pointed to a piece of Road Kill and told her kids that’s what they would look like if they played in the road.
Motherly threats are so fun!
I love adverbs and adjective…just unfortunately a little too much!
Show, don’t tell.
Show, don’t tell.
Show, don’t tell.
Hmm. I think I get it.
Helen–You’re so right! Otherwise she’ll be playing it a little TOO safe. I like the omniscient narrator POV, too.
Bobbi–Sensory details really do help quickly put us in a situation, don’t they? And…I bet your kids would really feel sorry for you with life from the farm stories! Probably made their own life look cushy, didn’t it?
Carol–I think the thing a lot of writers do (and what makes me flip ahead a lot of pages when I’m reading), is to do more of a list of different descriptions, etc. I like little details that really POP. With just a couple of those, I think it’s possible to create a great image.
Kristen–It’s funny how the last resort is really what kids respond to best, sometimes!
Karen–I like that emotional connection, too. As for the story…I was just relieved to find something that worked!
Elspeth–Isn’t that so true? I kept thinking I’d NEVER do or say some of those things I heard growing up. But here I am…
You make a good point about the character creation. For a reader to really get into the story, they’ve got to have some understanding of why a character behaves the way they do.
Hart–I can see you doing that! Yeah, my daughter is usually more cautious than that…but I think she’s proud of her coordination and it made her cocky! :)
Marybeth–Good one! Now THAT’S a good image!
All of the above, what you said, what the comments said. Gotta have a good story, a strong voice, and tight writing. That’s all…wink, wink.
Elizabeth–Exactly! Easy as pie, right? :)
Dorte–I love a good adjective. I really do! Glad you think so, too.
Cassandra–So true! I think it’s like that with kids, too. If we keep telling them things and not making it interesting, we start sounding like those adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons: “Blah blahhh, blah blah blah blahhhh…” :)