I was at my son’s middle school last week, picking him up early for an appointment. I sat in the office with a clear view of the hall.
Whenever I’m able to see a middle school day in progress, I watch in a sort of horrified fascination.
My junior high years were my most un-favorite. Most of the kids were either really cliquey or really mean. I still haven’t gone back for a reunion. I might even have “murdered” a composite of several of them in my books. :)
If some mystical being offered to wave its magic wand and make me 13 again, I’d knock it into next week.
When the bell rang and a class change commenced, I saw a young kid…he must have been a 6th grader, although he looked younger.
My editor wouldn’t let me create a character like him because it would have been too stock: he was short, pudgy, wore glasses, wore clothes that were designed with a middle-aged man in mind, and carried a huge pile of books and notebooks which he proceeded to drop everywhere. Loose leaf notebook paper snowed down all over the hall.
There was some laughter from the other kids. I froze. My first instinct was to run help, but I wondered if that would make things even worse for him…having someone’s mommy rush out of the office to pick up his things.
Then I saw this beautiful girl stop. She was very tall, probably an 8th grader, and absolutely stunning. I thought, “Oh noooo.” Because I remembered girls like that.
I was fiercely indignant and about to go into the hall and defend the nerdy looking boy from any taunting.
But she stooped and quickly picked up all the papers she could reach while he fumbled with his books. He looked at her, bewildered, and she smiled at him and walked on to class.
It really just blew me away; it was so far out of the norm for what I’d observed during my own middle school years.
If I’d written the story, it wouldn’t have turned out that way.
The girl would have been cruel. The scene would have gotten ugly.
It made me realize that I need to take my ‘what iffing’ a little farther sometimes.
Not just “What if there was an awkward kid who dropped all his stuff during a class change…and what if this beautiful girl came along and bullied him?” but “What if it turned out differently than that?”
It also reminded me that I don’t need to let my personal experiences and history get in the way of my imagination, or limit me.
How strongly do your personal experiences color your writing?
I was that nerdy, awkward kid who dropped all her stuff. My MC’s tend to be awkward or socially inept. But my villains are rarely as evil as I want them to be – I do remember how the kids who made fun of me all had their own problems, even if I didn’t understand that at the time.
Elizabeth – It’s so funny that you would mention how our own personal experiences color the way we write and what we write about. They certainly have colored my writing. When I write about settings, I imagine places I’ve been. When I write about characters, they’re often composites of people I’ve seen or met. I think that if we’re going to get involved enough in our writing to make it “real” for readers, then it has to be “real” for us. That means it’s going to be affected by our experiences.
I try not to let my personal experiences interfere with my writing but I’m positive I fail at it.
I think you’re right in that sometimes we have to take the what if to the next level or push it in a different direction.
Thanks for sharing this.
Great story! I expected the cliche cruelty too. How narrow minded I’ve become! I need to shake my thinking up a bit so I don’t get caught in the same patterns. There has got to be some sort of breathing exercise or something we can do to exhale past tramaus, right?
I had my share of awkward moments, though nothing as obvious as dropping a ton of books in a busy hall. But I don’t think it colors my writing too strongly once I figure out my characters. I draw from myself the most, but I pick and choose what to use. I’ve always played what-if, as in what-if this embarrassing thing had never happened. There have been times where I wondered *what if* I could believe my what-ifs strong enough to make them true. Sort of a surreal feeling.
Even when I write about other people, I let my prejudices of how I think the person would behave determine how I write about them. And there is no getting over that.
I am glad you reminded me to actually imagine beyond.
I’m so glad she helped. We work hard on promoting character in our school – but you’re right – most kids worry more about how their actions will look on the cool scale and not the character scale. :)
Either way it gets written, its cliche.
But I like the sentiment of the beautiful people helping out the less graced. Warms my spirit and gives me hope my experiences are not the only ones available.
I do put a lot of my experiences in my character – but mostly in the emotions. I’ve never been very social or adventurous, so when situations come up for my characters, I try to imagine how I think I would handle the circumstance – if its something I totally would not have done. Or to inject similar reactions to other situations.
I live vicariously through my characters. Sometimes I’m bad, sometimes I’m good; but I’m always interesting. For a fantastical moment, at least.
…….dhole
I absolutely use people that annoy me as characters in my fiction then give them a hard time. It’s my therapy.
This post was great -as usual.
I’ve been writing memoir and personal essays for 30+ years, so my personal experiences have totally colored my writing — they had to. Now that I’m writing fiction, it’s a whole new world. Your posts are helping me more than you can imagine. Thank you, Elizabeth.
Karen
Good reminder to avoid stereotypes–although I think your gut reaction was sterotypical, and the girl who helped him was the ‘different’ response. I used to teach jr. high (before middle schools) and I wouldn’t go back to that, either!
I wish that girl well – she seems to be heading in the right direction. I’m glad the situation didn’t play out in the familiar way. I try to avoid stereotypes in my writing and as much stereotypical behaviour as possible – that said, stereotypes exist because there simply are so many people that fit into the category!
I think my personal experiences from middle/high school is why I’ve held off writing YA. I love reading YA, I follow all the publishing news etc., but every time I think about starting a YA story, the negative energy from those days comes back. I imagine it can be a powerful creative force when harnessed, but I haven’t tapped into it yet. Someday.
I wouldn’t go back to that age either. When I get in the zone, I feel my writing is completely detached from my personal life. However, sometimes when I read back over a scene I can see certain influences.
It’s very difficult, if not impossible, to keep our own prejudices and experiences from influencing our writing. You’re right, we need to see how areas of problem and work to overcome them.
Helen
Straight From Hel
I was/am/will continue to be(?)that socially awkward, nerdy kid – although we always seem to see ourselves as much worse than others see us. I don’t think it is possible to completely remove how our life experiences color our writing and view of the world. But either by trying to see the world from the experiences of others or by exorcizing our demons in words before revising the heck out of the story, we may be able to move beyond these experiences.
My wife and I have had the discussion numerous times and neither of us would trade our current life for a “do-over” of that time.
Thanks for the reminder to avoid stereotypes in my writing!
I was almost wincing reading this post, afraid of the inevitable bullying. So glad it didn’t end up that way. It’s a great point about not “what iffing” yourself into cliche’s. Thanks!
I always find things from my day in my books. For instance, if I buy a bubble tea, somehow one of my characters do the same thing. If I see a car accident, so does one of my characters. I’m like you, usually I don’t base a character completely on one person but I like to pick out unusual circumstances like this.
Great blog post
CD
Great post. I think my own experiences color my writing a lot. More than I want it to in some cases. I don’t have anything new to add that hasn’t been stated above, but thanks for making me think about it.
Loved the story. Hated middle school. =)
Coming in late today….
You know, this is what writing is all about, exploring the possibilities, good and bad.
That is out of the norm. Guess we need to remember not everything happens the way we experience it.
And not a chance in hell I’d go back to my teen years!
Good story.
I always liked school, but guess I was on the shy and nerdy side most of the time. I always enjoyed the classes that wasn’t cool, like math and physics and reading books (the books I picked myself in the library)
Cold As Heaven
I really like this site; good information, nice layout, friendly tone.
Thanks for putting in so much effort to make it great.
Great example to encourage us to dig a little deeper than the obvious idea.
I definitely incorporate my experiences in my novels. When I look back over a novel it brings back the kind of music I liked at the time, the films I’d seen, what I was worried about – all the little things that were ticking away in my life and informing what I wrote. In some ways, each of my novels is like a very coded diary. Even the ones I’ve written as someone else!
24 comments:
Deb–I think you’re a better person than I am! You’re absolutely right–there was more depth to these bullies. They weren’t just cardboard cutouts…although I never got close enough to them to find out!
Margot–And you’re right…so much easier to make it seem real when it’s something we’ve seen or experienced. I think I have to work so much harder to dream up something that’s completely foreign to me.
Jaleh–I’m starting to have moments where I can’t remember if I’m remembering something that actually HAPPENED or whether I’m remembering something I WROTE. Makes me feel a little kooky sometimes…
Rayna–It’s what comes naturally, I think. But then, it’s sort of fun to dream up things from a complete stranger’s perspective. Much harder, though.
Cassandra–And it’s such a challenge. I wonder if it gets easier to do so as we go on. I’m thinking that in series writing, we can get accustomed to looking at life through our character’s perspective just from familiarity over a period of books. I share *some* preconceived notions with my protagonists, but I’m working harder not to.
Lorel–If there is, I need to sign up! It gives me the willies just being in a middle school. But my son has had a completely *different* experience there…and I’m glad. I just need to realize that people DO see things differently than I do.
Donna–Isn’t it funny how real life is sometimes too cliche to write?
And you’ve put it so well…when we can become these characters (who are often so much more interesting than we are), then we ARE really fascinating. For a little while. :)
Jemi–I’ve noticed a lot of character building exercises at my children’s schools, too. Too bad they didn’t have it in the 70s and 80s!
Teresa–And it’s GOOD therapy!
Karen–And the nice thing is that we can move PAST our usual perceptions of things and pretend to see the world through someone else’s eyes. I really do think it’s fun (when I’m not thinking about what hard work it is.)
Terry–Oh, definitely–my gut reaction was VERY stereotypical. And my story wouldn’t have been all that interesting, if I’d written it that way. A junior high teacher? Ack. You deserve a medal. :)
Bluestocking–You’re right–you could probably write an amazing story. It just might not be a lighthearted YA book! Mine wouldn’t be either.
Jane–Me too. I think my influences are starting to stand out to me more as I’m reading. I’m thinking about editing more of them out during revision…if the story would be more interesting from a different viewpoint.
Helen–It’s definitely work. I think about those people who write these amazing villains–and the books are in their POV. And you *know* the writer didn’t share that POV (at least, let’s hope not.) How they got into those people’s heads is amazing.
Ike–I’m a nerd, too. :) And it would be really, really difficult for me to write a book like “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” or something humorous for the middle school set. Lots to overcome there! No, I wouldn’t want to be that age again. Now, if someone could make me 21 again, then maybe we’d have a deal. :)
Laura–Thanks for coming by the blog!
Elspeth–That’s the thing–this *happened*. But I wouldn’t want to write it because it seems like such a stock situation. I guess you’re right…things are stock for a reason….they’re common.
Lisa–I was so glad, too. And when I told my son the uplifting story, he was surprised it had turned out that well, too. And he wanted to know the girl’s identity…of course! :)
May 12, 2010 12:06 PM
Clarissa–I think it’s a great way to make our writing more real, definitely. But then I also need to explore some things outside my experiences.
Gwen–Oh…me too! Believe me.
Alex–No. They’d have to take me back kicking and screaming to that age!
Cold As Heaven–I liked *school* just fine…but I’d have liked to be in a room by myself, I think!
Siddhartha–Thanks so much!
dirtywhitecandy–It IS sort of like a diary, isn’t it? Sometimes even a diary of how we THINK we’d handle things our characters deal with.
I think sometimes writers get locked into personal experiences. I like the concept of shaking the virtual tree of possibilities to see what falls out. (Hugs)Indigo
Personal experiences weigh HUGE in my writing … mostly because I’ve had so many of them.
I LOVED that surprise of kindness! I hold your same bias (against pretty people) and belief that middle school is the WORST (kids have gotten the ‘you should’s’ of how to succeed, but not the empathy for kids who just can’t (it is actually brain development)
I love how it really turned out!
Indigo–Well said! Discovering the possibilities.
Marvin– I think you could just write a whole library from just your experiences before moving on to pure fiction…
Hart–I’m wondering if the empathy is just a later skill? I don’t know. I was amazed to see it at that age. And delighted.
The Daring Novelist–So true. I need to just remember not to go with the first thing in my head…
Uggh, I hated middle school too. It’s so much more cliquey and hormonal than high school.
As for whether my personal experiences color my writing…of course! I saw this man on subway platform the other day, pecking his girlfriend(?) all over her cheek and neck, but she didn’t respond at all. I found that utterly fascinating. Was she mad but he just wasn’t getting the hint? Or was this a game they played, where she pretended to ignore him?
What a great moment of observation and lesson in life. Yay, beautiful girl! What really happened is what “they” want us to do. Take a given situation and instead of all the characters acting as expected, do something unexpected. My life greatly influences my writing, but sometimes I stop and think, what if it went the other way.