It can be difficult (and some writers feel, impossible) to out yourself as a writer to friends, family, and neighbors.
It shouldn’t be that hard. I don’t see plumbers, doctors, vets, or carpenters having the same problem.
But I totally understand this reluctance. For years, I wouldn’t introduce myself as a writer when people asked what I did for a living. I’d label myself a mom or a stay-at-home mom. I’m usually uncomfortable meeting people for the first time, and I don’t like to focus attention on myself.
For me, though, it got to the point where it was ridiculous not to mention it. I found that if I didn’t mention my writing, then people didn’t understand why I couldn’t volunteer every day at the school (I still volunteer a lot there), or why I couldn’t talk on the phone for long periods of time during the mornings. Or why I’d disappear into my house around deadlines and not be seen out.
When I finally did talk openly about being a writer, some people I knew were upset that I hadn’t mentioned it earlier. I think they thought it showed a lack of trust on my part.
It’s usually the fear of not knowing the reaction that the other person is going to have when you say you’re a writer. I think I’ve now heard about every reaction there is—from interest to disbelief to boredom. There are some questions that are inevitable: What types of books do you write? Are you published? Do you write under your own name? How many books have you written?
Let’s say that you do want to let people know that you’re a writer. How can you subtly reveal you’re a writer?
An email signature. Got an ebook out? A printed book? Articles to link to on the web? A writing blog? You’ve got plenty of material for a simple email signature that automatically goes out on any email you send.
Bookmarks or business cards. Many writers I know use online printers like VistaPrint to order inexpensive business cards. When an acquaintance or neighbor asks you for your phone number or email address, you can hand them your card and scribble your personal info on the back. (When I’ve done this, I’ve almost never gotten questions about my writing right then. The person usually looks a little taken aback and then asks about my writing the next time I see them.)
Write an article for the community newspaper with a writing tagline at the end. This is a great way to make a little extra cash (and I do mean little) and have a tagline at the end of the story for anyone in the community to see. The freebie community mags are wonderful for that kind of thing (and always need material) and everybody seems to read them at the coffee shop, etc. I’ve had a few people mention my writing to me for that reason.
Got a traditionally printed book? Have a signing…and mention it on Facebook. This is a very public way to announce you’re a writer, but if nothing else works, this will. Your friends will assume that they just weren’t somehow paying attention when you mentioned your writing around them.
Give talks in local schools. Teachers love it if you speak to their classes about how exciting writing is…especially if you ask them how they’re approaching teaching writing and you can follow their curriculum in your talk. A few parents of the children I spoke to in the elementary school mentioned weeks later that their kids had enjoyed my talk.
Actually telling people. When they ask you what you do, say you’re a writer. Because that’s what you are. A writer isn’t only someone who has a book on a shelf. A writer writes.
Ultimately, talking about my writing not only made my life easier but it also got me some new readers.
Do you openly talk about your writing to others? When did you decide to do so?
Being a writer seemed such a lofty aspiration—it felt presumptuous to think I could be one. I was afraid all the real writers would tell the world I wasn’t worthy to be in their club. I started out telling strangers, then it got easier to tell friends and family. People were curious and complimentary when they read my stuff. The only folks that act completely unimpressed and disinterested are my three siblings!
I also was reluctant to call myself a writer. I think my fear was people would think I was deluded. At most, I’d insert it as an afterthought. “I’m a teacher… and a writer.” Your advice is very good. The best way to let people know you’re a writer is write something for them.
Elizabeth – I know just what you mean about being reluctant to tell people one’s a writer. And you offer some really helpful ways to subtly but clearly say so. I think it’s mostly difficult at first, when people are finding their identities and voices as writers. And I agree with you that we do need to learn to talk and think about ourselves as writers. I think online communities and blogging in particular are terrific ways to announce that one’s a writer. Put it write ;-) there on your blog, so people can see :-).
Thanks so much for this post. I haven’t told anyone except immediate family about my writing. I’ve up loaded a short story on Kindle but can’t bring myself to tell others.
At one of my first RWA meetings, then just-published Kresley Cole said telling others you were a writer was step one in making the commitment to becoming a writer. If your mother-in-law knows, they you’re going to have to keep at it.
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
I never have a problem telling people I’m an author, although I always say professional speaker AND author. What amuses me aren’t the questions that follow, but sometimes the lack of response!
Need to ask you about the school part, Elizabeth…
It took me a while to admit it!
This is something I struggle with every day. I’m tired of pretending such a big part of my life doesn’t exist in front of strangers, neighbors, family members, but until I have something to show for my work, I can’t justify saying it out loud just yet. I’m a scaredy cat for sure.
I have had more or less the same reaction as Travelin´ Oma – my siblings are quite unimpressed. My friends, students and colleagues are great and remember to ask now and then. I think I have used most of the tricks of the trade to get the word out there, but an email signature is one thing I can´t do. I only have one mail-box so all my students would also get the crime-writer e-mails – and even though *they* might not mind, I´d never do that.
I think once I have a physical book, I won’t have any hesitance… it is this limbo… actually, it’s gotten easier since getting a contract, but when I was just TRYING… I think non-writers have NO CLUE how hard it is to get published, so when they hear you’ve written a book (or 8) but have NOTHING they can buy, they assume you must not be very good, which is embarrassing to have them think!
Travelin’Oma–Family can usually go either way, can’t they? They can be your biggest supporters or they can be the ones who are the biggest obstacles to writing.
Man–So true! I’ve definitely encountered that disbelief and I never know what to make of it. They’ll say, “So you have books. I can buy them at the bookstore? I can check them out from the library?” I’ll say yes and they still look uncertain!
Diane–Ha! I’ve had that before, too! The rapid change of subject…bleh.
Schools are *such* a great gig…you’d be able to do a whole grade-level talk, although that would still freak me out (I usually do individual classroom talks or 2 classrooms together.) All school contact info and all staff members (from principals to asssistants to teachers) are ALL online (in NC anyway). You could easily send out an email explaining what you do, what you’d like to talk about, and your writing/lecture resume. Especially with your background in YA!
Margot–Exactly. We’ve stated our identity and our intentions online!
H.L. Banks–I was in the same boat for years. And I think I’ve still got acquaintances who are irked with me for not saying anything for so long! I think the email signature is the very easiest. It can be as simple as a 3-line: H.L. Banks/hlbanks@blogspot.com (or whatever your online platform address is)/Amazon link for latest short story:_____
Alex–Me too!
Terry–Isn’t *that* the truth! Ha! There’s nothing like getting nagged by friends and family…
Bluestocking–It’s very scary…I completely agree with you. I think one way of dealing with it (and what I did before I was published) is to get some articles published. I know that sounds complicated, but it’s really not at all…there are *many* publications out there that look for essays…from local parenting or community magazines/newspapers, alumnae magazines, library periodicals, etc. One gig can sometimes lead to another. And with magazine clips in hand, it’s easier to write for regional magazines, national publications, etc. It’s a great writing exercise, helps develop a writing resume, doesn’t take a *whole* lot of time (compared to writing and querying a book, anyway), and can give a writer the credibility they want to *say* “I’m a writer.”
Hart–I think you’re right. Many people equate “writing” with “published books.” Of course, it gives us an opportunity to correct their misconception, but that’s not fun to do, either.
Thank you for taking the time to give a suggestion, one I will follow through with. HL
I don’t talk much about it, although I’m mentioning it more often. I do need to change my sig line, though, and get new business cards.
Here’s the problem with not having a book on the shelf: If I haven’t written recently (like in the last 24 hours) I don’t feel like I can call myself a writer.
I’m just clawing out of a crazy two months, and while I wrote during that time, little was on what defines me as a writer. *Calling* myself a writer in those two months wasn’t hard, but justifying it was.
Thanks for your post, Elizabeth! I actually did a talk (3 times) to different classes of 6th graders! I’m not published yet, but I’ve finished my first book. Still, it felt strange. The kids seemed interested, though!
Thanks for your post, Elizabeth! I actually did a talk (3 times) to different classes of 6th graders! I’m not published yet, but I’ve finished my first book. Still, it felt strange. The kids seemed interested, though!
Elizabeth, it was great meeting you tonight at the Sisters in Crime meeting tonight. I signed up for the newsletter but I’d like you to add an email subscriber to your blog, please. Feedburner has a freebie one and it’s easy to set up and I’ll read the postings if they come to my email as opposed to having to check the blog every day or my dashboard every day since I don’t open my blog every day. Good luck with all the series you have going. E :)
Elysabeth Eldering
Author of the Junior Geography Detective Squad, 50-state, mystery, trivia series
Where will the adventure take you next?
http://jgdsseries.blogspot.com
http://jgdsseries.weebly.com
I have just started to say I am a writer. I used to say, I was an nurse but now am a writer. Now I drop the nurse bit.
My neighbour recently mentioned I am not a real writer, while we were in a large crowd. Five years ago I would have said, yes true. However, this time I just turned to her and said:
‘I have written two novels awaiting edits and agents. Published a children’s story and two poetry books. Have been paid for articles in magazines and write on the Internet. When will I become a writer in your eyes?’
She smiled and said she was looking forward to reading my books, walked away and left me with lots of interested folk to chat with. It was a wonderful coming out party. LOL
Helen –It can be hard to remember to update that stuff.
Amy Jane–Then you say you’re letting the story sit for a while so you can see it with fresh eyes when you go back to it. :)
Dorte–Oh, that wouldn’t work for you, then. You’d have to have a separate personal and professional email, for sure.
K.B.–I’ve noticed that kids are all just SO interested in writing (especially the elementary ages). I think it’s because they’re still so incredibly creative when they’re little.
H.L.–Best wishes with it! It really does end up making life easier in the long run (and you’ll net some new readers, too.)
Elysabeth–It was nice to meet you last night, too! My mistake–I thought I had a blog email subscription gadget on the blog. I’ll add one on, for sure. Best wishes with your books…I love the premise and it looks like they’re doing really well!
Glynis–Good for you! I can’t imagine what people are thinking when they say someone ‘isn’t a real writer.’ I’m so glad you stood up for yourself and your writing!