To me, the best time to clean out the car is at the gas station.
So on Saturday, I busily pulled handfuls of camp newsletters, empty sandwich baggies, empty sunscreen bottles, a cardboard box, etc., out of my car while it was filling up with gas. (Yes, this was clutter that had collected in the few days since I’d last fueled up.)
There was a man at the pump behind me who apparently watched me as I cleaned. I didn’t pay attention to him at first, but then—after making several trips from the inside of the car to the trash can—I noticed that he was smirking at me.
I realized that I’d pulled a prodigious amount of paper trash from my car. In fact, I’d filled up half the can. I smiled weakly at him. “I…uh…have kids,” I said.
“Noooooo. Really?” he asked.
His sarcasm earned him a glare, but I had to admit he had a point. Who else but a parent would be driving a minivan that seats seven people? That has a bumper sticker on the back emblazoned with the name of an elementary school? That has a booster seat in the middle row, easily visible through the open, sliding door?
I had stated the obvious and he’d called me on it.
When I first started writing fiction, I found it really easy to use unnecessary adverbs—frequently in dialogue. You know: ‘’he said, knowingly’ and ‘she retorted angrily.’ Then I realized I could just show that the man was a know-it-all by what he was saying: “Actually, the circumference of an ellipse is determined by finding the complete elliptic integral of the second kind.” And I could show that the woman was angry by what she was saying. “Good for you. But do you know where the laundry hamper is, Mr. Smarty Pants? Because the gym socks lying on the floor are the reason we’re arguing.”
If you’d rather show tension via body language, you could have him smirk. Or he could heave a long suffering sigh. She could have tightly pressed lips or bunched shoulders.
When we state the obvious, we’re selling our readers short. They can tell how our characters are feeling by their body language and dialogue. The last thing I want is to have a reader put down my book with a “Nooooooo. Really?”
Another interesting and helpful post, Elizabeth. Thanks.
Karen
You’re so smart here! You SHOW your point instead of telling it.
I’ll state the obvious: Good post.
Nine out of ten writing instructors agree: Showing beats telling.
I like this post – show your readers by painting the picture of your character. So very true.
By the way, I awarded the Humane Award to you on my blog today.
Nancy, from Realms of Thought…
This is a wonderful post. Something i had a really hard time grasping when I first started writing.
I just started a new novel and I hope I can put all this knowledge to work :)
I agree. Watching a character react is way more fun—to read and write—than telling, or being told. The latter is much less…active. One caveat: number of words. Sometimes, a single word or two is effective when you want to communicate something quickly and move on, or, the pacing is up tempo.
I guess I’d say, prefer showing, but don’t be too afraid to tell on those occasions when it might serve the story and reader well. I know that’s heresy, but, something to think about. Reader Caution: I’ve made a career of being astoundingly wrong.
Best regards, Galen
Imagineering Fiction Blog
You are a master at finding entertaining ways to explain some valuable writing advice!
As an editor I am constantly annoyed with rookie authors who rely on adverbs and adjectives to impart the intended emotions into the dialog and dialog tags. It’s just lazy, unimaginitive and weak writing. Strong prose uses nouns and verbs. Period. SHOW me the scene, don’t “tell” it to me.
The Old Silly
Good post and writing advice, Elizabeth.
I agree, E, great post, but I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a moment to make a larger point. Here are some adverb tags in a novel I recently re-read:
Page 49- “What do you think?” he demanded impetuously.
Page 79- “Hello Jordan,” she called unexpectedly.
Page 141- “You can suit yourself about that, old sport,” said Gatsby steadily.
All of these quotes came from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby. He used adverbs sparingly, but he did use them. So what’s my point? I recently read a copyeditor’s handbook that included a note that went something like: even great works of literature include grammatical mistakes such as the use of adverbs in dialogue.
Mistakes? Mistakes! Oh, lord. IMO, “rules” for “good” writing change with the trends of literary tastes. Yesterday’s rule is today’s “mistake” – What I’m trying to say is: Writers are artists. We should express ourselves freely, with courage, with conviction. We should not let our fear of making “mistakes” prevent us from writing our Great Gatsby.
Don’t take me wrong: I DO agree with you! We should not write down to our audience (great point). We should clean up our writing to make it a breeze for the reader instead of a chore. And today’s literary rule IS to limit or eliminate our use of adverbs in dialogue for the exact reasons you cite.
But the rebel in me must declare that sometimes rules should be broken. As artists, we must do our best to ignore the smirking idiots at our gas stations.
Power to the writers. ~Cleo
Great post, Elizabeth. I agree with everything you said. And I had to laugh about you dragging trash out of your vehicle at the gas station. Hey, you might as well do something while your money flows into the tank.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Nancy–Thanks so much for my award!
Karen–Thanks for dropping by.
Marybeth–I think it’s tough for all new writers.
Galen–Good point. Sometimes it’s better to tell (especially writing action sequences, etc.)
Alexis–Thanks!
Jane–You’re nice. Thanks for stopping by.
Marvin–I agree…I think the problem is worse with overuse. A few tags go a long way.
Alan– :) I always wonder about that 10th dentist on those ads…
Cleo–You’re awesome, girl! I think you’ve inspired me to write a post featuring the wonders of telling. But you’re absolutely right…rules are made to be broken. My August release features a prologue–huge no-no. And plenty of adverbs, too, I’m sure.
Sometimes I don’t feel like an artist. I definitely don’t feel like Fitzgerald, anyway! Sometimes I just feel like I need to make the editors happy. Maybe you’re right…I’ll shake it up a little.
But if my rebellion gets me in trouble with Penguin or MI, I’m coming after you! :)
Elizabeth
Helen–I try not to look at the price as I’m pumping! Gas is liquid gold, apparently.
And I feel like I’ve accomplished something.
And I guess I have ants in my pants, as my grandmother would have said. I have a hard time sitting still. Or standing still. Or…
Elizabeth
This is also a great time to use sub text, syaing one thing, but implicitly implying something else. Sub text engages the reader so they really need to slow down and read what’s written rather than speed reading through an argument.
Steve Tremp
http://www.stephentremp.blogspot.com
Sometimes an unwanted opinion makes for “food” for writing! Great advice! Nooooo really! :)
Such great advice! Our readers are not stupid, we should never write to them that way. :) Great reminder!
Steve–That’s true….instead of being spoon-fed, the reader is making inferences. Definitely harder work.
Carol–Thanks so much for stopping by. You’re right, we take little bits and pieces from our lives, don’t we?
Katie–Thanks, Katie!
Elizabeth
I’ve internalized the advice about using adverbs sparingly, but I agree with those who say these types of rules are meant to be broken.
What I really love, though, is your description of all the stuff you pulled out of your car. Makes me feel better about my own, which is chronically messy.
Julie Lomoe’s Musings Mysterioso
http://julielomoe.wordpress.com
Excellent post, Elizabeth. Adverbs (and too many adjectives) are a big problem with the manuscripts of beginning writers, and, unfortunately, some well-published authors as well. The delete key is very helpful during the self-editing process.