Twice in the last week, I’ve read posts by parents who want to write more, but have real obstacles in their way.
These lovable obstacles are their children. :)
As my children have gotten older, my approach has definitely changed.
And I want to say that squeezing writing in isn’t for everyone. It’s not particularly enjoyable to write that way. But it was something I felt really driven to do (before I was published), and then deadlines made it necessary after I was published.
For what it’s worth, here’s how I do it…and my children don’t seem too warped (yet) by my approach. And, yes, I was at home. Moms who work out of the home will have to scrunch their time in even more. Some ideas: write during your commute (using a voice recorder if you drive or use a pocket notebook if you’re on public transportation), write more on weekends, write really early in the morning, write late at night.
We’re talking about 10-30 minutes a day. You can write a book in just minutes a day—I promise. I’ve done it. It helps if you know what you’re going to write that day.
(This plan was built when my daughter was a baby—I didn’t write regularly when my son was that little.)
When I had an infant: Naptime was writing time. Was this relaxing for me? Probably not. :) Maybe I should have been napping or vacuuming or something, instead. But I was able to write then.
When I had a cruiser/young toddler: I put board books within her reach so that after naptime, she could “read” to herself for an extra 10 minutes. Yes, she ate the books half the time and threw them against the wall the other half—but I had those extra 10 minutes. So then I could do housework/rest and write.
When I had an older toddler: Well…there was Teletubbies or Sesame Street. I know what the American Academy of Pediatrics says about little ones and TV. But I haven’t yet noticed any permanent damage from the 20-25 minutes that she watched TV while I wrote.
When I had a preschooler: Some of those preschool hours were spent writing. Sometimes I’d do all my writing on preschool days, keeping the non-preschool days writing-free (and all about her.)
I also made little deals with my preschooler. If she would give me 25 minutes with no interruptions, then I’d play Old Maid with her (or any game of her choice.) I’d set a timer and I’d keep my promise. I told her that she only needed to interrupt me if it was an emergency (and we talked a long time about what constituted an emergency. Spilled yogurt? Not an emergency. Feeling sick? That’s an emergency.)
School-age: This is where I am now. :) I plan my writing the day before (not an outline, but some bullet points as far as what I plan on writing.) I have notebooks in my car for dead time in the carpool line.
I’m flexible with my writing—but I’ll plan on writing early to make sure I get it in. Because sometimes life gets in the way of writing—I’ll get a bunch of phone calls or I need to get promo done, or the plumber needs to make a house call, or one of the children ends up sick. Instead of writing off the writing day, I’ll flip my schedule around so that I’m writing at night, instead.
A special note about the after-school hours and summer vacation: Playdates. Lots of playdates. If each child has a friend over, everything goes wonderfully. And I’m happy to take the children and their friends on activities. I’ve taken kids skating, bowling, swimming, and to free summer movies with my notebook and pencil and laptop in hand. Usually it goes really well and no one gets bored.
One thing that I’ve tried to do…and haven’t always accomplished, but have tried really hard to do…is to be fully present with my children when I’m with them and it’s not my writing time. I don’t think about my story when they’re talking to me. I don’t check my emails or look at my Facebook or Twitter if they’re telling me about something that happened at school, etc.
And it’s always my plan to get everything done while they’re at school. It doesn’t always work out that way, but it’s my goal.
As I mentioned, if you’re really missing writing and feel like you really need to write—this plan works well. If it makes you feel stressed out (and I had my days) or if squeezing in writing makes you dislike the writing, then don’t do it. Children get older and time frees up!
But if you’re frustrated by not being able to write or can’t see how to fit it in…give it a go.
Oh, and one more point—please set attainable goals. Maybe start out with 10 minutes of writing/brainstorming time each day. Then move up to a page a day (double-spaced). My personal writing goal was a page a day for a long time—a target I knew I could hit if I wrote a few minutes every morning and a few more minutes each evening.
What are your time management challenges and your tips for how to work around them?
Elizabeth – I really love the way you’ve adapted your writing schedule to meet the changing needs of your family. I think one of the lessons life is teaching me is exactly the one you mentioned: Set attainable goals. Even ten minutes is a good start. I would rather squeeze in ten productive writing minutes than set this lofty goal of hours of writing only to spend the whole time upset and frustrated because I keep getting interrupted.
No kids. No outside the house day job. I still need to remind myself that writing is my job, and I need to spend time doing it. But I enjoy being able to pick and choose that time–most of the time. So I guess I’m of no help here!
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
I admire people with children (and jobs) who still find time to write. When I was a foster parent, I still found time to write even when we had teens in the house. It can be done!
I’m grateful that’s one challenge I don’t have to face, but everyone faces obstacles and distractions. Those who really want to write will make the time. I’ve just made it a routine that after I practice my guitar, I write.
I think it’s amazing how you’ve fit the writing in, and I think it is REALLY helpful to remind people that a page a day is still a book in a year–I heard that first from you and I know it has really inspired a couple of my friends who thought they didn’t have time.
I really started writing when my kids were a little older (10 and 7, I think) but building in a little early and adding as they’ve gotten older has worked so well to not feeling like I am overwhelmed–because the substituting of writing for reading with them was easy, where forcing time out of nothing wouldn’t be. I admire you though, being truly present when you are with your kids. I somehow don’t manage that nearly as well as I should.
Hi Elizabeth .. I just admire you .. mothers and writers .. then finding the focus to actually write too ..
I’m sure this explanation will help lots of people with extras in their life .. be they youngsters, or oldies .. as I have. I’m getting my other laptop up at my mother’s Nursing Centre .. then I can write when she’s sleeping, or show her things if she’s awake and interested.
Thanks .. interesting to read how you do it! .. Hilary
Even though motherhood doesn’t relate to me I like seeing how you budgeted time on a tight schedule.
Your time management skills are amazing, Elizabeth. Obviously the drive to write is strong in you. I love the idea of taking only ten minutes a day, if that’s all you have.
Margot–I think it’s sort of like New Year’s resolutions–the easier they are, the better we keep them. If I say I’m going to exercise 20 minutes a day, it’s not going to happen. If I say I’ll exercise 20 minutes every few days, I’ll be able to follow through. :)
Diane–And you were a great example to those teens on following through with your goals!
Alex–It’s definitely a “how badly do you want to do it?” kind of a thing. I felt like I *had* to do it, so it was squeezed in. There are other things that I’d *like* to do (learn to play the piano), but I just don’t feel driven enough to learn to squeeze it into an overcrowded day.
Terry–I’ll looking forward, in many ways, to those days!
Hart–You know, in some ways I think a page a day is perfect! You’re moving things along, you’re not killing yourself with your goal, you’re making progress you can see. I think I’d still be writing a page a day if I hadn’t gone deadline crazy.
I have my days when I’m definitely NOT there, mentally, with the kids. But my kids will call me on it–and I’ll quickly put everything down.
Hilary–That’s another writing time challenge! It’s similar, though, in that you’ll need flexibility and the ability to quickly shift your focus from caregiving to writing. I really admire you for doing it!
Chris–Thanks! Hope it helps out. I remembered at the time thinking, “I wish I had hours to write!” But then I found it really didn’t take that long, as long as I wrote a little bit each day.
Kathy–Maybe it’s stubbornness instead of drive! :) But it’s very true that you can write a novel in 10 minutes a day. The important thing is really just moving the story forward a little bit at a time.
I used to stay up when kids were in bed and write then. (They were older than yours at that time.)
Now, I write in snatches because I have so many other things to do that don’t involve kids.
Helen–I think I focus better if I write for short periods of time, then get up and do something else. I don’t know what that says about my attention span! :)
There’s a saying that goes: “If you want to get something done, ask a busy person.” You are a good example of that! Reading this post reminds me that with my kids (3 boys) in school, I’ve been squandering the gift of time. It’s all-too-easy to get caught up in other tasks, especially with the holidays here. I’ve been in a real rut lately, trying to get my first book picked up by someone and planning the second, getting a promo platform going, etc. I really miss the actual writing, and the energy and enthusiasm that come from that. Time for a few adjustments!
Thanks, Kathy
I’ve written my way around the kids. I’m writing around the grandkids. But I was never able to find enough time writing around the full time job. Now I’ve solved that problem – tomorrow is my last day at work. I’m retiring. Time to find out what I can do without that whole other career in my way. :-) Wish me luck.
Hi Elizabeth, I really enjoyed this tell it as it is post. I have four children from 10 down to just turned 3. The littlest is not in preschool yet. I have written almost 3 novels and many short stories although most of my writing has been in the last eighteen months just after the real baby stage. I wrote the first novel in my first child’s nap time, there was a series of manic years, now it’s more manageable. What I found has worked for me is getting up early – at 5 or 6 – if I can manage it and writing in quiet time. I also grab some hours at the weekend and do a babysit swap morning. With family support I’ve completed nanowrimo twice which facilitates fast wordcount at the least. I find that you can get into your writing head while doing household tasks, little sentences that spring to mind then have led to whole short stories later. I look forward to when youngest starts pre-school next year for a more structured span of time. It’s always possible to find a few minutes here and there somehow as you say but so important to make clear time for the kids to make your writing endeavour a positive thing, not fraught with guilt or resentment. Lovely post, thanks.