My sister told me a hilarious story the other day. It was so funny. She and I had such a big laugh over it!
But I can’t share it. She’d have my head. The story involved something silly that she did that had unexpected consequences.
She has a reasonable expectation that I won’t share it with a bunch of mystery or blog readers.
I don’t always keep interesting stories to myself. Pretty is as Pretty Dies has one story in it that’s absolutely true. The book club listed in the book? It exists. Or…well, it used to exist before it disbanded. You can tell from my book that it was a querulous group—and my insight into the group came from a friend who was letting off steam.
I asked her if it would be okay to use the material, somewhat fictionalized (there were no men in the group). She gave me her blessing.
The gnomes in the book came about when a friend complained about her neighbor’s yard art. Which I immediately went inside and wrote into my book.
My children (the darlings) make it into the blog quite a bit. But they don’t have to worry that I’ll be splashing embarrassing photos of them or putting their names out there on the internet. I’ve promised my family a certain amount of privacy—which they deserve. There are boundaries, definitely.
There are some fascinating stories I know—they’re not happy ones, though. And they’d hurt people who’d certainly see the parallels between their lives and the fictional characters’ lives. No one else would, but they would know. And that’s enough to keep me from ever fictionalizing it.
Things I tiptoe around:
Leave personal tragedies of friends, family, and acquaintances alone or else completely generalize them. Obviously, some tragedies are universal (loss of a spouse, child, job, etc.) But singular events that would be immediately recognizable to the parties involved—those I don’t touch.
Ask permission to fictionalize stories that friends provide me. They’re sure to recognize their story in print, no matter how distorted it might be. I don’t have enough friends to risk losing the ones I do have.
Things I don’t mind using:
News stories are completely within my limits. I do change them around with “what if” scenarios.
I steal names like crazy. Sorry folks…it’s fiction. Unless you have a copyright on your name, it could end up being mine. I need waayyyy too many character names in each book.
A reminder:
Anyone remember reading Thomas Wolfe’s novel You Can’t Go Home Again? The writer who writes about the residents of his hometown until they start driving him away? That novel was semi-autobiographical.
I haven’t read Wolfe’s book either but you’ve made me want to. I, too, tiptoe around certain experiences with family or friends. Sometimes they are so powerful that have to be shared somehow, but doing it appropriately is the challenge.
Hi, Elizabeth!
These are great rules to have! I’m with you–I’d rather keep my friends even more than write a great novel… although, I’d prefer to do both!
I love the integrity that comes through in this post. As a memoir writer, I struggled with this issue. I waited until both my parents were gone before publishing, because i didn’t want to hurt them. With other people, I changed names and professions -identifying details to protect privacy. I didn’t realize there were similar issues with fiction.
Karen
Very intersting, and persuasive, though I haven’t read the Wolfe book.
It actually was a pretty big news story in Norway a few years ago about a writer that took a story told to her in confidence by a (former) friend, used it in her book, and their friendship ended pretty quickly (and publicly). I agree that losing friends over something like that just isn’t worth it – as a fiction writer one should be able to use ones imagination and create stories that won’t directly affect people.
I so hear you on the names, though. Names can be really hard to come up with, and there are so many great ones already out there. I chuckle my way through the documents in the archives since some of the names are so priceless. And yes, I have actually written some of them down for potential future usage.
Good reminders. It’s easy to get into trouble with writing. Of course, sometimes people can be really sensitive and think you were talking about them when in reality it was complete fiction. Not that I would know anything about this. Mmmmm.
On the other hand, as long as you ask first (as you mentioned), many people think it a great honor to be in a book, even if it’s a hazy generalization. “Hey, look! That used to be me!”
You’ve brought up excellent points, Elizabeth. I’ve been a non-fiction writer for so long, I find fiction so challenging to write. It’s funny, I listen with a different ear these days; when I hear friends and family say funny lines, I have to scribble them down somewhere so I can remember to use it in some story, some way.
The Wolfe book sounds interesting, I’ll have to check it out sometime.
I haven’t written people I know or stories I’ve heard into my book – it’s fictional. There are historical facts and real people from history mentioned but they don’t play any integral part in the plot. I like making up my characters and not drawing from anyone I know as I find that puts too many restrictions on the character.
On the other hand, two of my most successful mystery games have famous literary characters for people to play. I’ve just looked at them ‘sideways’ – i.e. Prince Charming is a shoe designer, Rapunzel has a dreadful fear of heights, Hamlet can never make up his mind.
Elspeth
Martin–It’s interesting. Wolfe is now celebrated by Asheville, NC although the residents were extremely upset by his portrayal of them in “Look Homeward, Angel.”
Warren–That’s exactly it: the stories are compelling, but sharing them appropriately is difficult.
Yes! I have heard bits of stories and reworked them. My biggest temptation is that I’m a psychotherapist and I hear outrageous, sad, funny, mad stories all day long. There’s one that was a family story that I did get the right to use but I haven’t yet. Also, I’ve started a book, not a mystery, that is centered on a place I lived for two years and the time and people that were there. There was a major tragedy that came out of that time and I have permission to touch on it but it is too hot still – thirty years later – so I will choose another way to say what I want to say. Hard. We are the treasure box as I tell my clients. Everything is in our mind. All of it.
I’ve very careful about who or what I put into my blog. I don’t list my children’s names and if I post a pic of them it’s insanely old and almost non recognizable to what they look like now. I keep most friends and family members that are not close out of it. After all, it is my blog and it should be about me ;)
So far I haven’t put any true stories in my books…BUT…my new WIP takes place in my old hometown, my old house and so on and so forth. But only those who know me well will be able to pick that out :D
Kathleen–I remember with journalism that I’d interview people that were nervous about what I’d say about them. That’s why so many people dislike reporters, I think–they report on raw topics and raw emotions.
The Wolfe book was published posthumously but was said to be directly inspired from his experiences with the townsfolk in Asheville (threatening letters and all.)
Jan–I can’t even imagine being faced with so many fascinating, heart-wrenching stories. You’re good to sit on them…but it would be tough.
Marybeth–I think sometimes about the columnist Erma Bombeck and the line she must have toed between family privacy and her writing.
Hi Elizabeth – I’m with you on those boundaries. As a teacher I have so much material for comedy and tragedy that will never be shared. Probably why I write mystery and romantic suspense :)
Kristen–Definitely not good to have unhappy friends! Fortunately, there are so many other great stories floating around out there that can be modified for our purposes.
Karen–Thanks so much. You must have struggled tremendously with this issue; and you were so generous to hold off on publication of your memoir. Fiction isn’t nearly as difficult as autobiography/memoirs, but we all take snatches of reality for our books, I think. Sometimes I can’t even remember the event that I took it from or what inspired it. It might be a snippet of conversation that I overhear in a restaurant, or a story that I heard 3rd-hand.
Yes, it’s prudent to be careful. However, I found that my friends and relatives are determined to find parallels between my characters and real people even where they don’t exist. And at mystery conventions, fans bid well on auction items that include being a named character in the author’s next book.
What I do stay away from, as most everyone has said, are real life situations where the main players could be readily identified. Too risky.
I try not to talk about family and friends. At least not by name or true incidents. I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me.
As bloggers, we have to remember that we may feel like we’re “talking” to a small group of friends, but what we write is available for anyone to read. Our blogs are, in actuality, far more permanent and far-reaching than a book.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Good post on an interesting subject. I’d have to say I’m in agreement with your ideas about proper boundaries.
Marvin D Wilson
Cruella–Oh, that sounds like it got ugly.
Jack–That did occur to me…that someone might think I was writing about them when I’m not. Usually my characters are amalgams of lots of different people.
Helen–Very good point. The internet is forever. Books, well…
Elspeth–Your games sound like so much fun. I love your ideas for them. I think the problem for fiction is that frequently true events inspire a fictional rendition of the event. (“Law and Order” is a show that takes that idea and runs with it. Of course, they change the events, but the viewers can always tell what inspired them.
Marvin–Thanks!
Jemi–That’s another minefield, isn’t it? My dad’s a teacher and has heard so many wonderful stories through the years…
Patricia–That’s happened to me, too. I guess sometimes people like to see themselves in books…even when they’re not there.
Hi Elizabeth,
This is a thoughtful post. Yes, it’s best to avoid anything that might touch raw nerves. If changing the circumstances–the gender and location of the characters, for example–isn’t enough, maybe it’s good to just write some private notes to yourself for future reference.
Bob Sanchez
http://bobsanchez1.blogspot.com
Bob–True. Sometimes it’s easy to disguise the episode, but too often it’s impossible to completely camouflage it so that it’s unrecognizable to the parties involved. You’re right…in those cases, it’s best to just make notes for a later time.
This post does make you think. Names creep into my stories all the time- after all, there are only so many names out there. But incidents? That is always the tough one. Speaking for myself, I agree that keeping a good friendship is more important than one more funny story.
About kids. Like yours, mine creep into my blog all the time, but no names, and no photographs that are identifiable.
But so many people are not as sensitive. I know a columnist who writes about his daughter every week. Not only is she named, and all other details of her life given, most of the stories are not even complimentary (the most recent one is of how the five-year old loves to streak in the house, and say f***). I am quite sure the daughter is not going to be too pleased to have her personal details known to everyone when she is old enough to know.
Or, she may grow up to be one of those self-obsessed exhibitionists. Either way, not smart parenting at all.
Rayna–I can’t imagine! For one thing, there are a lot of scary people out there on the net. For another, keeping a contract with your children that you’re not going to embarrass them is more important than anything else. It’s a matter of trust.
Everyone in my family and my close friends know that since I’m a writer, anything is fair game. They’ll even (eagerly) ask me, “Will that end up in a book?” *LOL* My life is crazy enough, no one believes the “true” things are based in real life anyway. *LOL*
Lesli–I’ve had similar experiences. Funny how they’re so interested in being in our books if they’re portrayed in a pleasant light! Oh well, human nature. I don’t want to feel like they’re all auditioning material for my book, though. :) I remind them it’s fiction (sort of.)