I was picking up a carpool of high school and middle school boys for Scouts on Monday evening. It was absolutely pouring cats and dogs, lightning was illuminating the darkness every couple of minutes, and it looked like we were working up to a flash flood.
At one house two boys ran out the door, full speed, jackets held over their heads, and launched themselves into my car. “Mrs. Craig?” gasped one of the boys, “Uh…do you need a car wash? Have you got a dirty car?”
“No, no Daniel,” said his brother, briskly. “That’s not the way to sell Mrs. Craig anything! Remember, you’re supposed to say, ‘Mrs. Craig, I noticed your car is dirty. Guess what? I’m selling car wash tickets for lacrosse.”
We were all laughing about the fact they’d bolted right into the car without even looking at it. But it was definitely going to be filthy after the rain we had (which makes me wonder what’s in our rainwater that makes things filthy.) Besides, they knew I was going to buy whatever they were peddling, anyway. It was a sure sale.
Selling our readers or editors on our writing is a tougher job—after all, they’re not totally invested in us like I am with my Scout carpool. And before our writing even gets to the reader, it’s got to convince an agent or an editor that it’s good.
My first drafts are full of seems, felts, mights, started tos, thinks, and coulds. These words dilute my writing and make it sound indecisive and weak. So I take most of them out, unless it’s a wishy-washy character using the words in dialogue.
Writing can also sound stronger by avoiding passive construction of sentences (when the subject is acted on instead of performing the action.) Strunk’s Elements of Style is one of my favorite writing books. As Strunk put it (and I’m using his example to illustrate his point, below):
The habitual use of the active voice, however, makes for forcible writing. This is true not only in narrative principally concerned with action, but in writing of any kind. Many a tame sentence of description or exposition can be made lively and emphatic by substituting a transitive in the active voice for some such perfunctory expression as there is, or could be heard.
Instead of: There were a great number of dead leaves lying on the ground. Use: Dead leaves covered the ground.
Decisive is convincing…and I’m trying to sell my agent, editor, and readers on my story.
What kinds of things do you do to strengthen your writing?
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Decisive is convincing, I love that! I may write that down and post it next to my work space! It really can make a huge different.
Elizabeth – I know what you mean about powerful sentences. I sometimes catch myself doing that, too. Another of my bugaboos that I always end up editing for is not using “punchy” enough verbs. There’s a difference between “shuffled,” “strode,” “barreled,” and “wandered,” for instance, but if I don’t think about what my character is really doing, it’s too easy to just say, “walked” or “went.” That’s not as powerful a “sales tool.”
…and I wonder about what’s in that rain, too…
Ah, so we’re back in synch again – I’ve been doing a series on editing over at my blog, showing my process for strengthening and tightening a manuscript. My first pass is for those crutch words and “tell” verbs.
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
Imagery. I try to get some seriously solid imagery on every page. Scents and sounds, too, help to ground the reader in the narrative, and do a great job of selling.
If that doesn’t work, I plan on bribing readers with alcohol.
You have some smart carpoolers! Too funny!
I use the Find/Replace function to kill my “just,” “really,” and other offenders. Honestly, though, I rely on critique partners to help me write tight. I’m not sure why my brain skips over a repetitive word!
I tend to write bare-bones, so I’ll go back over it, pretending I’m the reader and know nothing, and see what I’ve left out that would explain the situation better.
I have to take those things out too of a first draft. Usually I have to bolster up my description as well since I usually give it a skip when drafting as well.
That is an awesome bit of writing wisdom to remember! I just started learning what weakens my writing and why I need to take it out. It’s really important thing to finally understand! This was an awesome reminder I needed too!
I like the “Decisive is Convincing” too. There may be a lot of writers taping that to the top of their monitor. LOL
Heather–Thanks for coming by!
Margot–Punchy verbs are a great way to strengthen our writing.
That water *is* scary, isn’t it?
Simon–If imagery is strong enough to put a reader in the protagonist’s shoes,that’s a great way to sell our readers on the story.
Alcohol works, too! Ha!
Terry–Getting rid of crutches is fun and easy! One of my favorite parts of editing.
Jill–It’s almost like we don’t even see it, isn’t it? I guess it’s because we just get so close to the manuscript.
Alex–I think that’s a great approach!
Bluestocking–Description is definitely not a favorite of mine and I always have to put it in during one of my final passes of a manuscript.
Colene–It really can make a difference. :)
Dirty rain, eh? I might worry about that if I were you. Ours streaks the dirt that’s already there, or we get mud off the dirty street around the bottom, but I think if you had a clean car that sat at home in a rain storm, we’d be okay… Maybe it doesn’t rain enough there to keep the air clean.
As for indecisiveness–AGH! Yeah… my latest bane is the struggle between what the character would KNOW (limited, so DOESN’T know about the other characters feelins) and so I am having to weed out a lot of ‘thought’ and ‘seemed’ and ‘looked’ and am trying to put in the description that actually makes the READER draw the conclusion, but it’s tough!
Hart–Makes me want to send out one of those little kits to get my water analyzed!
Character indecision isn’t easy to portray. Good luck with it!
I love how it’s pouring down rain and the boys are talking about car washes.
I have to get rid of unnecessary words like ‘just’ and ‘really’ in my manuscripts.
I’ve been reading your tweets for a while. This is a useful article and a great blog.
Gracious, Elizabeth, how many more projects are you taking on, girl. I’m tired just looking at your blog.
Very good advice on imagery. I tend to make that a standalone pass-through on the manuscript when I’m editing.
Jane–Isn’t it? I guess his mom must have reminded him about the tickets as he was running out the door. It was really funny. :)
Joey–Thanks for coming by today. :)
Maryann–Thanks, Maryann!
Helen–It’s easier to make different kinds of revisions in different passes through the ms, isn’t it? I do that, too.
I think this is about it, for projects! :) (I say that, anyway…)