Surprises are one of the fun things about having kids. You just never know what they’re going to do next.
And you sure as heck don’t know what they’re going to grow up to be. One day you’ve got a budding veterinarian on your hand, then next day a corporate lawyer.
I’d never dream of pushing my children to follow in my footsteps—whatever they want to be works great, as long as it takes them on a voyage of discovery.
But there are some basics I expect from them. :)
My friends have always been amazed that I can “get my children to tell me about their day.” This isn’t that much of a trick….I started early and I framed the telling of my day like a story. Now they tell me about their day in storytelling format—some days it’s a funny story, some days it’s a stressful story.
I want them to be able to discuss with me, in a fun way, books they’ve read—the good parts and the bad parts and the times they felt like the author really got off-track.
I want them to be competent writers, even if they never want to become a professional writer.
Here are some things I’ve done to encourage my children to be better writers (and readers. But reading and writing can go hand in hand.)
- I tell them stories about their life (the day they were born is always a popular one.)
- I tell them stories about my life and about their dad’s life, too (because he’s not a writer, but I know his stories well enough to tell them in an entertaining way). They love to hear stories about our lives when we were their age.
- I make up stories at bedtime. My turning-13 year old son doesn’t hear as many of these anymore, but I tell my daughter a made-up story every night.
- I read to, with, and in front of my children.
- I spend time looking for books that suit their age and interests for them to read.
- I tell them about my favorite books when I was a kid. Sometimes we read them together.
- I share some of my writing with them and answer their questions about how it gets from my laptop to a bookstore.
- I’m not critical about grammar or spelling errors when they write for fun.
- I speak to their classes about writing, if the teacher asks me.
Kids are naturally gifted with creativity and it’s so rewarding to see it just bubbling out of them. There’s nothing better, for me, than to have my son ask me why I think a particular author’s recent release wasn’t as good as his others (looked to be rushed out 6 months after the previous book’s release) or to have my daughter ask if I would look at her new story.
They may never become authors, but I know they’ll always love books and know a little bit about what goes into making them.
Do you personally know any budding writers…kids or adults?
It’s Thursday morning—and I’m cooking up po’boys at the Mystery Lovers’ Kitchen. And just about setting my house on fire in the process…
I love the way you have encouraged your children to share with you. By starting early they know you ask because you care not because you think something bad or wrong has happened.
Dialogue is so important between parent and child. I began with reading to my children once I could prop them in my lap. Then dialogue promoted conversation. Conversation promoted familiarity and then relationships were born. I too tell my children stories about their childhood and mine. And now I start all over again with the grands. You are a wise mother -and writer, Elizabeth.
Elizabeth – I hope that you take pride in all that you do to encourage your children to read and write. I am truly impressed! I think one of the most important things you mentioned is the dialogue you’ve established between you and your children. That will keep you steady and stong during the teen years that are up-and-coming, and it’s setting you up to be your children’s friend when they’re adults.
As far as my eighteen-year-old daughter goes, we read to her always, from the time she joined our family. While I wouldn’t say she’s an avid writer, she is, as you say, competent, and I have to say I like her taste in books. Mostly we benefit from the kind of dialogue you describe. We started that when she was a baby, and I’ve never regretted one day of it.
It seems there are more budding writers out there than ever before, perhaps thanks to J. K. Rowling. I helped hand out awards at our local NaNoWriMo thank goodness it’s over party, and I was amazed at the number of middle school kids who did their 50,000 words in November.
What a sweetly wonderful post, Elizabeth. I’m going to share this with my wife (who actually reads with Gentry, 8, more than I do). It will be an affirmation to her that her stories are making an impact in his young life more than she might realize.
I have two budding storytellers in my family, and the older of the two is now also a writer.
My kids refuse to tell me what they did during the day when I ask them, but when we start making up our nightly Spiderman, Superman, Rayan and Naman stories, everything is faithfully recounted in third person singular!
Isn’t it awesome to see kids write. Like you put it so well, it doesn’t matter whether they are professional writers or not, as long as they are competant writers. To that I will only add, and if their imagination remains intact.
Incidentally, I wrote something very similar today, but I guess I will just schedule it to post next week.
We’re a family of talkers!
I learned to read early and always was happy to receive books for presents.
Happily, my children love to read and books are on their wish list, too.
You are an awesome mom!
I like that you compared this to writing, but I feel these can just be rules for good parenting. It’s all about encouraging their creativity.
I’m so impressed by how you’re training your kids to become better readers and writers! They will be very eloquent in both speech and in writing when they get older, I’m sure. I hope when I have kids someday, one of them will be as in love with storytelling as I am. :)
I still wish you’d been my mom.
Karen
My kids loved it when I read to them – mainly, I think because I would use funny voices. Now teenagers, I can still get them to talk about their days – if I ask the right questions.
As for them still reading (for fun, not for school) – my daughters read. My son will read if it’s about hockey. Ah well.
Wait a minute! I thought surprises were one of the bad things about having kids! I guess surprises from a 17-year-old are different than from your darling, well-behaved tots :)
My younger son is an avid reader and an awesome poet. And I had absolutely nothing to do with the poet part. (My idea of poetry always includes the word “Nantucket.”)
I don’t know if my son will be a writer but I force him to blog. He blogs on things he likes but I want him to keep a note of his life and experiences. He’s tired to write books before but has always stopped…but I never took up writing until I was in my twenties.
ann
Mason–I think that’s true…my friends’ kids look at their questions kind of suspiciously–I’ve bypassed that by having so MUCH conversation. They might roll their eyes at me later, but we at least have some dialogue.
Teresa–You’re so right–it’s the conversation that’s so important! I think it’s so great you’re continuing it with your grandchildren. :)
Margot–I know parents aren’t nearly as cool during the teen years, but so far so good with my son (just starting them). I hope it continues!
Patricia–50,000 words for kids is HUGE! And kudos to you for being involved with that. I bet the children really look up to you, as a published author.
Rayna -Oh, if they can keep that imagination! That would be fantastic. Mine was much stronger when I was a kid, but I held on to as much of it as I could. No, you should go ahead and run your post! I’d love to read it.
Glen–It’s amazing what the kids notice in these books. I love the stories, too! In fact, I keep checking out children’s picture books at the library, even though my kids are past it. I’ll read them myself!
This is a great post. My oldest son (16) wants nothing whatsoever to do with writing. His brother however (11) is an artist and a budding writer. He has creativity without bounds, and I do everything I can to encourage that. Part of his new affinity for writing has to do with watching me start this journey I think, but perhaps it’s just another way for him to express his creativity as well. For the record, I demand to hear about their day, every day. I believe it serves two purposes. I keep my boys talking to me, feeling comfortable with confiding in me, and I get to keep track on where they are and what they are doing (without being overbearing or nosy).
My 4 year old and his closest friend paired up because they’re both storytellers. I don’t know how this will influence them as they pick their careers, but I love listening to their stories, and I think letting them express their stories is a great way to encourage their natural creativity.
You’ve done a wonderful job encouraging your kids! I credit my mother with my desire to read and write – she read to me all the time when I was young, even before the age of two. It instilled such curiosity in me and I kept reading and discovering.
What a wonderful example of teaching your kids to read (and write). My kids are grown now, but I read to them when they were younger and books were always in our house. Both are avid readers now.
Helen
Straight From Hel
My boys also love hearing stories about when they were “little.” This really comes out when one has a birthday. They like it when I break into my “remember when” stories. The twins think they were hilarious.
I go to my fourth graders’ classrooms. I work with kids and their writing. Sometimes, I get to just sit back and listen to their stories, encourage, and brainstorm. It’s heaven. I’ve met a few who really think like writers.
(Whenever I fry bacon, I set off the smoke alarm. I tell my kids it’s my “dinner bell.”)
Maybe your kids will surprise you. They might even use their writing in ways you can’t imagine.
As someone who doesn’t have kids yet, I thank you for the tips!
I’m afraid in my family I’m the only writer. Er- sort of. My older sister writes research articles on her data analyses, my younger sister writes her thoughts with acrylics and oils, my younger brother…well… he’s a younger brother.
This goes so far beyond reading and writing. By using reading/writing the way you do with your children, you are instilling in them the basics of effective communication and aiding in the development of their creative selves with open-mindedness and self-confidence.
You are such a remarkable woman, writer, parent … person! :)
Eric–I think you’re so right. If we get them used to confiding *small* things to us, then when the big things happen, they won’t really think twice about sharing it with us.
Marisa–Books were always favorite gifts for me, too. I still have most of mine from when I was a kid.
Portia–What’s wonderful is that they’re AWARE that’s a big interest of theirs. And that they’re good at it! You’re good to encourage them.
Writing your feelings–That’s true…kids are naturally so creative and if we can encourage it, maybe they can hang onto some of that creativity as adults, too.
Diane–You’ve got a great mom!
Helen–And due, in large part, to you!
Mary–Isn’t that funny how much the kids love stories from when they were little? And my memory is so awful that I have to take out the photo albums sometimes to come up with a story prompt from when they were babies.
I’m starting to think my smoke detector is a little too close to my kitchen. :)
Alex–I would LOVE that!
Julie–I just love a good story–and with all the electronic distractions out there, I’m hoping they’ll always find time to unplug (or..I guess..not, if it’s all e-readers) and read to relax.
Andy–So everybody is expressive one way or another…except the little brother! He’ll probably surprise everybody one day with a novel he’s been working on secretly for years. :)
Crystal–Thanks! I hope it lasts. I know they start getting so into their peers (my son is already there), but so far we still have great conversations.
Karen–Thanks! :)I promise my kids would like to trade me out some days, though.
Elspeth–I think it he wants to read hockey, fine and dandy! As long as it’s reading, you know?
I hope my daughter grows up to love books and stories as much as I do, and I think she will. She’s constantly getting her “gooks” and telling me to “read”.
Kids love to tell stories – love to listen to them too. I spend several minutes at the beginning of each morning (and recess break) listening to my students stories. They’re just bursting with excitment & can’t wait to share.
Carolyn–It sounds like she’s got a great start! So cute! I love that age.
Alan–Oh…well…I do have some BAD surprises from time to time. Especially the times my son looks like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. :)
That’s awesome about your son! Yeah, you and I must have gone to the same poetry school–except I’m more of the “roses are red, violets are blue” end of things. :)
My mom was always very encouraging when it came to my creativity, and it led me to where I am now! Sounds like your kids have a great mom.
What a great MOM thing to do, Elizabeth! Doesn’t matter if they grow up to be writers, at least they will love literature, hmm?
Marvin D Wilson
I like how you are rearing lively interested kids whether they write or become chefs or ferry boat captains! You are teaching them that their world is a facinating place and they have something to say about it. Bravo!
Please send me an email with your mailing address so I can send you a photo – my email is mobudgeATnsDOTsympaticoDOTca and tell me if there is any specific photo you like or a ‘type’ that you like or if you trust serendipity!
B.–It sounds like your mom was really caring and knew exactly how to foster a creative child!
Marvin–I hope they always love books as much as they do now…e-reader, audio, whatever!
Jemi–I LOVE that! What a treat you’ve got in store for them…they can share their stories with a group. That’s *wonderful*, Jemi.
Jan–Great~! I love your photos! I’m sending you an email now.
I really hope my youngest daughter is a budding writer. She certainly has the talent and the imagination. As my health is not so good, one of the things I *can* do together with my children is sitting together with them, reading and discussing books, and telling them stories about their childhood, my childhood, my parents and grandparents etc.