by Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
There’s always going to be a million other things for us to do besides writing.
When we’re not at our day job, our leisure time is limited by other demands on our time….housework, yard work, errands, and family responsibilities.
Recently, my friends have been very understanding about how much time I’ve got to take for writing and writing related promo. When they call me to see if I can talk on the phone or have coffee or meet for lunch, they’ll ask me what my day looks like. Do I need to write more today? Am I on deadline?
This is because I’ve been honest with them in the past couple of years. “I’d love to go but I’ve still got a few pages to write today. Can we meet tomorrow, instead?”
Ultimately, I think the only way others will respect our writing time is if we take it seriously, ourselves.
Ways to get others to respect our writing time:
Tell people we’re working on our writing. I think using the word work helps people to realize that we’re taking it seriously.
Explain that we’ve got a goal to meet or a deadline to make (even if it’s our own.)
Treat it seriously, especially if we’re not yet published. That’s the only way to finish a book and move on the path of publication—by devoting time to writing.
Remember that to keep friends and family on board with us for our writing, that we don’t always need to say no. Saying no is one reason that they might grow jealous or resentful of our writing. If we have to turn down an invitation one day, it’s probably good to try right then to plan for a better day or time to meet up.
Learn to say no. This is a tough one for me. But especially if we work at home, it’s important to be able to tell people no. I’ve been a volunteering mom for years and years–but I’ve now gotten to the point where I have to pick and choose what I spend my time doing. It’s not that the volunteering isn’t worthwhile…it’s just that that was all I ended up doing when I opened myself up to it. At this point, I’m able to politely say no via email and on the phone….and I’m working on being able to say no in person.
Other ways to get our goals knocked out so we’re more available during our “free” time:
Write first. Or write last. Depending on your circadian schedule, either write first thing in the morning or last thing at night. Either way, try to knock out your goal for that day…and make it an easy goal. There’s nothing like a tough goal for getting discouraged.
Then, whatever else we write that day is icing on the cake. And we do free up a little extra time for ourselves for whatever else we want to do…because we respected our writing time enough to address it right away.
How do you handle the family/friend/writing time balance? How do you get the rest of the world to respect your writing time?
I write last. It helps me get to sleep and if I run into a plot snag I can let my subconscious work on it. The trade off is I never make it to bed ontime, becuase I’m either stuck so I’m reading my blog feed or commenting (now) or writing is going well and I don’t want to quit (not now).
I have a 2 year old, so talking him into respecting mommy’s time isn’t likely to work real well. Someday, someday.
I’ve had some luck with that, too–mulling over my story before falling asleep. Good idea!
I’ve written with a 2 year old before…it’s a challenge! On days when I really, really needed to write and couldn’t get a break, I set a timer outside my door for a short period of time and asked if Mama could be kept quiet until the bell went off (and it was usually just 10 minutes.) Set it for longer times as she got used to it.
I probably also used my VHS tape of the Teletubbies a little too frequently as a way to grab some time! Ha!
I love the idea to say we’re working on our writing. I don’t know if I’ve ever said that – but I will from now on! :)
I try to write in the morning, but it’s difficult with my job and family commitments. I’m trying to refer to it as work all the time now, so people respect it as much as a 9-5 schedule.
Elizabeth, this is so spot on. If we don’t take ourselves seriously, how will anyone else? I just recently learned to put writing first, right after exercise. It’s the only way it happens every day for me then.
Karen
I usually do the ‘peripheral’ stuff first. Email, social networking, blog hopping, etc. Then I’ll go back over what I read/wrote the day before. My most productive writing time seems to come later in the day, as I don’t have the nagging, “I need to do X,Y,Z” interfering.
Then again, I’m an empty nester living out in the boonies, so I don’t have a social life!
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
I’m ready to get back into a balance and start writing again. And I’ve learned when to say no to outside activities. Family comes first.
Christine–Hope that will work out well for you!
Alex–Hope you start working on that next book soon!
Jemi–It kind of moves it out of hobby-territory. :)
Karen–That’s wonderful! I still need to work on the exercise part of that equation!
Terry–I would like to get rid of my interior nag!
How many hours do you write per day then? Or you have a page limit per day? As an indie author, my only problem is I don’t have a deadline and it’s difficult to set one for myself.
The Spinster’s Vow
I shoot for 3 1/2 pages a day, but right now I’m writing more than that with the 2 deadlines I’m under. I’d make something kind of low…like a page and a half…and then try to add to that if you have time during the day. :)
I’m still working on figuring out what works for me, but your suggestions on this post were extremely helpful. I’m a recent Empty Nester with my own business and a (hopefully) growing writing/speaking career finally getting off the ground. My fiction writing is actually an unexpected development in my life. I’ve always written nonfiction before, and mostly articles, short teaching curricula, tech writing, etc. This is definitely a departure for me!
My family is very supportive and is cheering me on. What helps me the most is looking forward to annual and biannual writers’ retreats with a group of five other women. We set aside an entire week well away from home in another part of the state (WA) so family responsibilities do not encroach, nor does anything else. I can get a lot done that way in a quiet setting and dedicated writing time. We build fellowship with each other and support one another’s writing this way, too.
I look forward to implementing several of your sensible suggestions. I really hadn’t thought of setting LOW goals, like a page and a half a day! I kept beating myself up that I wasn’t completing whole chapters.
One thing that does help me is that I take copious notes whenever anything pops into my head about characters, atmosphere, events in the story, etc. I have a dedicated notebook for that now, so I know where to grab the ideas when I do sit down to write more.
Thanks for a great blog column and the practical suggestions!
Sarah Gunning Moser
I have recently started calling my writing “work” and that has helped. Because only my family knows I write, the other people always look at me blankly and assume it means work around the house. I’m okay with that. Also, I need to learn to take time out of my schedule each day to write instead of just picking the same hours every day because it never works out.
I tell people I need to keep moving. That works for me. I’m a little blunt but in a nice way and ask them directly exactly what it is they want. No need to build the conversation up to a crescendo. Just say it.
I think that’s great advice–to write first or last–whatever your routine, those are times life is less likely to dismantle your plans. I write at the end of the day and maybe two or three times a month I skip for something social, but that still gives me a lot of writing days. I think you hint at something huge though–the ‘understanding’ of friends and family has gotten so much better as I’ve gotten, first the contract, then the payments, now an ARC–it wasn’t really real to them before. They needed some external proof this was going somewhere. So i think the challenge is a lot bigger for earlier writers.
Sarah–Best wishes for your fiction writing!
Your writers’ retreats sound wonderful. :) And your family does, too.
I’m going to write a post on this tomorrow….setting smaller goals. Otherwise, it’s just so easy to burn out.
The notebook is key, I think! I take mine everywhere. My memory is terrible and it really helps me to just jot down whatever ideas come into my head.
Clarissa–Yep, work is work! If we feel like we can’t identify the work, at least they know that *whatever* the work is (yardwork, housework, etc.), we need to address it.
Stephen–Cutting to the chase? Very helpful approach, sometimes!
Hart–It’s so much more helpful if we can get our family and friends on board with us with our writing. I know lots of writers whose families just don’t accept what they’re doing at all….and they’re still writing. But I think it makes it so much tougher!
I’ve had to start spending more time and energy on myself than on others lately. It was really burning me out. Thankfully I’ve got supportive friends who understand when I need to be left to write or edit.
I write first, especially at weekends. I get up a good hour or two before my wife and work away.
I take a block of time every morning after my kids go to school. At least an hour, but I’ve been known to take a lot more. But “at least an hour” is sacred time. I don’t schedule appointments during that time. I ignore household chores. I don’t email, tweet, FB or anything. It’s just writing time (and coffee time).
Jo
In Which We Start Anew
I admit with a head hanging low shame, I had been letting all the distractors yank me away from writing lately. Time to get back on the horse.