by Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
I had Bad Parenting Moment #1,000,001 (at least) on Sunday when I was at the theater with my ten year old daughter.
She’s recently become completely obsessed with horses. She writes poetry about horses, reads horse books, watches horse shows. And she draws many, many pictures of horses.
My daughter had her sketchbook with her while we were waiting for The Nutcracker to start (surprisingly, she’d agreed to go, even though there were no horses in the ballet.) A friend of mine was also at the ballet, noticed my daughter’s sketchbook (which I was holding for her), and asked her about her artwork.
I said, “Oh, yes! She’s drawn some amazing pictures of horses! Let me show you.” And, proud mama that I am, I opened that sketchbook right up and started flipping through it.
My daughter was absolutely horrified. She snatched it right back out of my hands and gave me a reproachful look. I apologized immediately and was still apologizing the next day.
You’d think, of all people, I’d understand about the privacy aspect of creativity. And I do, but only in an academic way. Even as a kid—even at my daughter’s age—I wanted to share my writing. I’d shove three or four 3-ring binders of stories at you if you showed even the slightest inkling of interest. You could be a teacher, a friend’s parent, a fellow ten year old kid, some random adult—I wanted to tell you a story.
But what I’ve realized over the years is that there’s also a lot of pleasure in writing for ourselves. I have to remind myself of this. Sometimes I’ll be at writing conferences and a writer approaches me to talk about writing. I’ll ask what avenues they’re pursuing for publication—magazines? Literary journals? Are they querying agents? Publishers? Going the e-publishing route?
And sometimes—they just blink at me. They’re totally happy, completely satisfied artistically, by just writing. They just wanted to talk to me about the writing craft.
Honestly, sometimes I think they’re the lucky ones. There’s so much non-artistic work that goes with publishing— promo, figuring out platforms, considering what will sell. It’s easy to lose the joy of it.
Occasionally, I’ve run into writers (or they’ve emailed me) who’ve written for themselves for years…and are now thinking about sharing their work. They’ve asked me where they should start out.
I think, if someone is considering sharing their work, they should start sharing in a limited way. Maybe look into critique groups (in-person or online) and just get used to hearing feedback. And, if that group doesn’t work out, try another one.
Are you happy writing for yourself or are there other artistic things you’d rather keep private (playing an instrument, drawing?) Do you write some things for publication and some things for yourself?
And, if you’re looking for a quick and easy chicken recipe, join me at Terry’s Place this morning. I’m sharing a recipe for Apricot Chicken. :)
Elizabeth – I’ve always loved horses; I get your daughter’s passion for them :-). As to writing for myself only? There are a few things I’ve written only for myself, that I would never want someone else to read. Mostly, though, I write because my stories and characters insist on it, and that requires an audience.
I live for feedback. I still have little confidence in my own creations, despite numerous published books. When I first started writing, one member of my crit group told me I really didn’t need feedback from my dry cleaner (OK, she exaggerated–I waited until I’d published my first book to show her) and encouraged me to submit to “real” people like agents. (Of course, their feedback wasn’t nearly as encouraging!)
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
When it’s done, I want to share it. When it’s not done, I don’t. (“Done,” however, is a relative term.)
I always write for myself. Always have. To me, writing is an extension of playing.
I remember when I first started to love horses that much. I still have a huge photo book an aunt of mine gave me when I was about your daughter’s age.
My mother wrote a staggering number of books throughout the years, but never had any desire to show them to anyone. I want the whole world to read my books some day, but the little bit of poetry I write is just for me.
Sometimes the best ideas and best stories come when we write for ourselves with no pressure to publish. Maybe the brain feels freeer to create? I don’t know.
Hi Elizabeth: I have written a journal for years and its something that even my nearest and dearest ever see, its for my eyes only. I find it very therapeutic. When writing or storytelling, I am much more self-conscious as I wonder a lot of how the reader will react – heavy going at times.
I’m not sure I know how to write just for myself anymore. I used to be very reluctant to share my work, but for years now I want as many people as possible to read and enjoy my stories. Though I’m still terrified every time someone reads something new.
Until now, I had been reluctant to show my WIPs. For my current draft, I’m using the school’s Google Docs system to share it with my classmates, but my family is yet to see it.
Ayda–She’s heaping up with the horse stuff! I went to the library yesterday and checked out 6 or 7 horse books. :)
That’s so amazing about your mother! It must have been the right thing for her…to keep them personal.
Laura–I’m sure it’s got to be a really freeing feeling!
Margot–Those characters are bossy, aren’t they? And…I didn’t know you were into horses! Very cool. Seems like I’m spending more and more time around horses here. :) My daughter loves her lessons.
H. L. Banks–I think you’re right–it’s really 2 different *types* of writing. Writing what most affects *us*, and writing what we hope will affect a reader…someone we don’t even know.
Paul–Oh, I’m with you. I dread my release days but I still want to share.
C0–Sometimes it’s hardest to share with our family, I think. They can either be TOO supportive or too critical.
My singing I keep private. For myself and the public at large’s benefit. Trust me. Better to keep it locked up somewhere where no one will find it.
Stephen–Ha! You and I sound on par with singing. :) My singing voice is truly appalling.
Nope, fraid not. Only ever wanted to write for others to read. I don’t think it is because I’m an ego-maniac though that is possible. It is just that I LOVE reading so much and would like to have others enjoy my books in the way that I have. Even when I kept a diary I imagined it being read…
I miss the ‘horse crazy’ years. I still have some of my own horse drawings around here somewhere. But unlike your daughter, I wanted to show everyone my art. And I don’t think I’ve written anything I wasn’t hoping to someday get published. Nowadays, though, I have a better grasp on what to put out there and what still needs work before it sees the light of day.
I’ve always shared my writing. Can’t remember when I first started writing, but I do remember writing mini novels in high school. Each page, as I finished it, would get taken away and read by a friend who passed it on to another who passed it on….until I wrote the last page. I never got them back. At the time, that didn’t bother me. Now, I rather wish I had them. Probably just as well since I seemed to be in a phase of teen love stories that ended tragically.
Some people do just write for themselves. I did for the longest time.
I recently started sharing my work online and I’m enjoying it. Since publishing isn’t in my immediate future, it’s a nice way to feel like I’m writing for someone other than myself. It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing for myself, I’ve just been doing it a loooong time. It’s great to get some feedback now and then. :)
I recently started sharing my work online and I’m enjoying it. Since publishing isn’t in my immediate future, it’s a nice way to feel like I’m writing for someone other than myself. It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing for myself, I’ve just been doing it a loooong time. It’s great to get some feedback now and then. :)
I’m happy just writing for myself, I don’t share it with anyone; they may think I’m a lunatic. And I play drums in my basement. Crazy isn’t it?
Cold As Heaven
Jan–I wrote notes in my diaries to my future kids. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who wrote diary entries for people to see! I thought I was nuts…
B.E. Sanderson–Oh definitely. I’ve got stuff that needs to stay in a drawer, for sure.
Terry–Ha! Yes, I think I might have pestered people who didn’t really need to see my writing, too…
Helen–So you were writing serials in high school? I’d love to see those, too!
Alex–That’s got to be a satisfying thing…so many do it!
The Daring Novelist–Are we ever done? I’d love a dollar for every time I’ve told my editor, “Don’t look at *that* copy, please…look at this new version.” :) And I love that you think of it as playing. It really is! I need to be reminded of that sometimes.
Cold As Heaven–Not at all! I think it’s a good thing for me to hear. Most of the writers who visit my blog are pursuing publication so I get this sort of warped view of the universe!
I’m one of those who has written for years/decades for myself. It never even crossed my mind to consider aiming for pub until a couple of years ago. I’ve only shared my work with a couple of people – and it still scares me :)
I’m close to 40 and I’m just now more comfortable with sharing my writing. (Perhaps that’s also why I’m planning on querying in 2012.) I’ve always written “for myself,” and still do. Now, I want to share the stories and characters I’ve created with the world!
This past fall I’ve gave my ms to a handful of readers (not a critique group) as a trial run. I was a bit nervous, but they all had fun reading it and wanted more! Now I’m ready to put it under the sharp eyes of more experienced writers. The whole process is just incredible. I know in my heart I’ll always write “for me” first, but I hope I bring much reading pleasure to others at the same time. :)
I’m like you; I’ve always wanted to share my creative work. I used to turn my stories and poems into “books” that I illustrated and left on the coffee table for guests to see. So I don’t quite understand the mindset of people who write *just* for themselves, but I respect it. When they do start thinking about sharing things, I always recommend they find a supportive, non-critique group first to build up their confidence and get used to having other people just read their work. If they feel okay with that, then they can move on to critique and eventually submissions for publication. Jumping straight into the later can be pretty damaging if someone’s not ready for it! Nice post, Elizabeth.
The only thing I wrote privately was a teenage diary – full of angst – and destroyed long ago. I was the odd one out growing up, I didn’t have the horse gene. Friends had it, my sister had it – I had the acting and dancing gene instead. I still spent a great many hours in horse barns though!
Well, I certainly would never show anyone the bad poetry I used to write. And I keep music (a keyboard) for myself, mostly because I enjoy it a lot but am not very good at it. But when it comes to writing fiction, I discovered early on that I needed feedback from a good critique group and from my non-writer first reader. I write fiction to be read.
Oh dear, I can share my stories with other people, but my drawings!!!! Perish the thought :)
I am glad I began ´publishing´ stories via my blog; that was the way I gained confidence as a writer and got the idea into my head that I could actually write novels in English without involving a professional translator. I don´t think I´ll ever be rich or famous, but I do cherish each and every one of my readers!
mmm, I’m sort of past the writing for myself phase. Now I’m ready for something to happen–LOL! But omg, I so hear you about the parenting *fail*. I would’ve done the same thing, and my oldest would’ve been just as horrified. We mommies are just so proud! :D <3
I’m totally like your daughter. It has taken me years to get to the point where I’m comfortable letting people in my life know that I’m writing, and I’ve only just hooked up with a few critique partners. I was mortified last week when my husband told me he was showing a fellow teacher how to use google docs and the first chapter I’d reluctantly let him take a look at was what he opened, and he then explained to his colleague that I was working on a novel. For me, writing is very personal. I’m sure it’s different for everyone. I don’t think there is anything wrong with writing only for yourself as a hobby, but opening yourself up to critique and input from others has helped me improve my writing immensely.
My first words, according to my mom, were “I want a horse!” I took riding lessons for years, got a horse when I was in middle school, and kept her until I started graduate school. Still love horses, but after Lady, any other horse would be a letdown.
My first story was about a horse.
I gained my passion for reading with books on horses, and from there, I went on to graduate degrees in literature, and a professional writing career.
Except for the low-income writing career and the lousy teaching salary, I’d say that a passion for horses has been a good thing for me.
As to the shy writer, I’d suggest finding a fandom she’s nuts about. Fanfic readers and writers are a much gentler group of critique partners, and the depressing facts about the publishing industry we all must face don’t rear their ugly head to kill the writer’s passion.
Jamie–The feedback, and knowing you’ve been entertaining, is really wonderful sometimes. :)
Jemi–I think it gets easier as you go on!
Tracy–I think that’s great! I’m 40 too, and I’ve noticed a change in me lately, too–that I handle direct criticism a lot easier. It’s not *fun*, but I can usually find something helpful in the criticism to use in the next book.
Everyone loves a good story! I think that’s what ultimately drives writers to share. We appreciate books that have meant a lot to us, and we want to return the favor by sharing stories of our own.
Annie–I think you’re so right. I hate to think of writers (who can be fragile anyway) opening themselves up to criticism before they’re prepared for it. There might be so much good literature we’re not reading because some well-meaning critiquer didn’t do a good job with constructive crit.
Elspeth–Me too! All my friends rode and I just didn’t get it. I went to tons of horse shows that my friends were in. But never had any interest.
LTM–The bad thing is that it didn’t even *occur* to me that she would be upset! Of course, I’m a constant embarrassment to my teen son, too, but that’s just because I exist, I think. :)
mollyspringwrites–I think I’d be taken aback by that, too! Of course your husband was proud of you, like I was when I was showing off my daughter’s art. But seeing a draft is definitely different from seeing a finished product. I was SO embarrassed last week when I realized I’d sent my editor a draft that still had one of my comments in track changes in it. Ack! I’m going to triple check my doc next time.
Marilynn–My daughter loves her lessons although I’ve already warned her we’re not buying a horse (which makes me feel mean, but…) She’s having fun on “her” horse at the stable where she’s taking her lessons. If we start going to shows, though, I’m wondering what’s going to happen.
I’m going to have to tell my daughter your story. She’ll be very interested. I haven’t seen a horse story yet, but the horse poem lets me know that 1 might be on its way soon! She’s now working through the Saddle Club and Thoroughbred books.
Ha! Yes, way to go with finding high-paying careers, right? But very rewarding ones.
I think you’ve made a great point with the fanfic. That’s not advice that gets thrown out there too often but I know several authors who started out with fanfic. They found an enthusiastic audience and lots of support.
Patricia–I didn’t know you were musicial. I need to put learning how to read music on my bucket list.
Maybe that’s where the sharing starts? The desire to improve? That might be why I was forcing my stories down everyone’s throats in 5th grade. Ha!
Dorte–I’m glad you’re sharing your photography at least! Maybe one day you’ll share drawings, too. :)
I’m glad you shared your stories with the English-speaking world! :)
Share her work, Elizabeth! I would’ve been thrilled if my mother was that proud of me.
Diane–Ha! She’s a tough little thing, though. She’s glad I’m proud of her….but I think she’d come after me if I try to share her work again!
It’s so true. I do some much non-creative work just publishing a blog. Sharing your work requires logistics.
BUT for me, it actually allows me to be more creative in the end. The audience motivates me to take risks I wouldn’t take if I was just writing for myself. And they force you to get out of bed each morning and get to work… the jerks.