I’m starting to think that my children have an evil conspiracy to get me working out.
Yesterday, my eight year old daughter asked me to take her to the Y. They have a kids’ workout area with miniature treadmills, etc. It’s hot as the blazes here in North Carolina…we’ve had a heat wave for the past several weeks. Indoor exercise sounded like a decent plan, so I agreed.
“You’re not wearing that, are you?” she asked me.
I looked down at my twill shorts and black shirt and flip flops. “No, I guess not.” I reluctantly dug up some workout-looking clothing and a hair band to put my hair in a ponytail, and then grabbed my Ipod.
Now I looked a lot more like someone who was going to exercise. That definitely helped. But then I got on the treadmill and turned on my Ipod. At some point I’d loaded the device with classical music…I’m guessing so I could write to it at the library or coffeehouse if people got too noisy there.
Somehow, Clair de Lune wasn’t putting me in an exercising mood. Actually, I just turned off the Ipod.
I’ve read plenty of books like that, too—the author, for whatever reason, hadn’t struck the right mood for the scene he was writing. And it’s very jarring, as a reader. When I have an important scene in a manuscript that I feel doesn’t work, it’s usually because I’ve introduced a jarring element to something that should be smoothly written.
I’ve read scenes that were supposed to be scary that were filled with the protagonist’s internal monologue. It slowed the pace of the scene down to a crawl. I felt like, “Really? You’re analyzing this now? But your life is in danger!”
I’ve read fantasy where the characters had just arrived at an amazing setting—and the author skimped on sharing it. And the whole point was this cool location. I’m not a huge fan of description, but if I’m suddenly transported to a whole different world, I’m looking for it to be described.
I’ve read scenes that were intended to be funny that fell flat because the reader was basically told the scene was hilarious by the author (or other characters via dialogue) instead of letting us see the humor in it naturally.
I’ve read scenes that were supposed to be sad or touching that just didn’t seem genuine at all… it was overwritten or the character appeared melodramatic.
Just like the lovely Clair de Lune managed to strike the wrong note in my workout, there are other elements that can mess up an important scene—slow pace, fast pace, telling-not-showing, showing-not-telling (telling is usually better in a thrilling, suspenseful scene), etc.
What trips you up as a reader or a writer?
Elizabeth – You’re so right! Those jarring elements can completely put me off a story. One of the things that jars me is a sudden change in point of view. If I’m being told a story from one character’s point of view, and then, for no reason that works, the point of view changes, I mind that. It takes me out of the story. I prefer more planned changes of point of view.
Good points. If the reader is to be jarred, let it be in the right direction. Let it be an element of surprise OR the setting.
Key points on jarring elements and how they can turn the reader off quickly. One thing that hurts the story for me as a reader is when I’m completely caught up in the plot and the character has a flashback that goes on and one. Flashbacks are good and can make a point. However, when they go on so long the reader forgets what was happening before the flashback, not good at all.
Mason
Thoughts in Progress
These things are so important. I tend to see humor or danger or both everywhere I look. And everywhere my characters look. When I write, I have to make sure that these aren’t present when they shouldn’t be.
Your kids sound pretty special and level headed and good for them for wanting to work out. I think hearing someone on a treadmill humming along to Clair de Lune while everyone else is singing to their rock and roll music could be the makings for a funny scene in a novel.
I agree that everything you mentioned can take a reader away from the story. Also I occasionally come across a character who just shows up in a scene like the reader should know who it is and why he or she is there even though the character has never been introduced.
Great post.
I’ve found the same thing in a few stories I’ve read. I like to use sentence structure, internal thought, description, and action to help set the pace in a story.
I’m reading a couple of books right now that demonstrate both sides of the spectrum.
The first book is 61 HOURS, by Lee Child. He uses very short sentences to increase tension and short bursts description to forestall or ease that tension. I know his stories are all very manly and predictable but I like his style.
The other book I’m reading is THE SHIMMER, by David Morrell. I would ascribe Mr. Morrel closer to a Stephen King style. In his current book, he uses long narratives full of description and internal thought. He normally writes suspense and is known a the father of the thriller but his pace in this book demonstrates just what you are saying about “Jarring Elements.” I don’t know what’s going on in his recent venture. He was the guy that wrote: Rambo, First Blood mind you.
Definitely, Elizabeth. I recently read a book that was supposed to be an edge-of-your-seat thriller, but I couldn’t get into it. I tried to figure out why, and I think the author wasn’t making the emotional connections when the exciting stuff was happening. Sometimes the jarring element is simply moving to the wrong POV character at the wrong time.
I like this reminder. For me it is anything that reminds me I’m reading a book! Interuppting the fictive dream as someone or another said – I think William Zinsser! Anytime one can see the man behind the curtain, the big fat finger of the writer needs to be cut. And it is often a ‘darling’ that is the cause – something I’m attached to because I like the metaphor or the word choice or just how bloody clever I am!
The things that make you go, “hmm. I just don’t get it.” You’re right with the elements. This gets me all nervous about fleshing out a story. The other problem is when a minor character comes in and you can’t remember who they are. I feel like paging back and getting reintroduced.
Oh, I’m with you. I really find it frustrating when writers do that. I also find it frustrating when something exciting happens and then the writers doesn’t come back to it for chapters. Come on!
CD
I think this is one of the key places our first readers need to help us. As the writer, I KNOW what I intend, so it is hard to filter that out and just see what’s left. The one you mention on ‘seriously? you’re noticing NOW, while you run for your life?” is the one I see most, but that is probably largely the genre I read most of. Definitely something to watch for!
Mason had a good point – flashbacks in a book really take me out of the story. They don’t do much for my movie-watching, either.
Throwing people out of the story flow is not good! It’s hard to see it as writers because we know what’s happening. I think reading out loud helps me with this.
I try to avoid meladrama, but then for my YA books, I probably should’ve dumped more into the story.
I’m tripped up by too little information sometimes. Like you said, a great scene that we’ve been waiting for then the author doesn’t share much about it. I’m also tripped up by poor use of dialogue.
How ironic that you blogged about this when just yesterday I finally realized that was exactly what was wrong with my first chapter!
As always, love your insights!
Like Margot, I am more and more put off with POV “head-hopping” by authors and also switching to omniscient POV when the book is primarily in 1st or 3rd person POV. I’m like, “how are we supposed to know this or that when the character who’s POV we are in doesn’t know it?”
Very amateurish and it jars and annoys me.
Marvin D Wilson
Totally agree with you. If the writer can’t put me in the scene so that I see, hear, feel for myself, rather than tell me I should be sad or impressed, then more work needs to be done.
Margot–Head hopping can definitely get old if it’s done too much!
Journaling Woman –Great point..there’s good jarring and bad jarring!
Jane–My kids seem to have their heads screwed on better than I do. :) And I know what you mean about characters who aren’t introduced…or reintroduced. I’ve seen that problem with series quite a bit. The writer makes assumptions and the reader gets lost.
J.L. Stratton–So maybe the stretch he was going for just didn’t work for him. He *thought* he should use more internal monologue, but really it just dragged down the plot? Sounds like some editing should have happened.
Mason–Ugh. I’m with you on the flashbacks. Very distracting.
Jan–Exactly! I feel that way when watching a movie, too. I don’t want to think about the fact I’m at the movies.
Mary–I don’t like that either. It makes me feel like a sloppy reader if I can’t remember who a main character is…but then, really, the author should put a little tagline in there: Ann, who had come to visit her mother,…etc. Easy to fix.
Clarissa–Oh yes. That’s another jarring element. Sometimes I’ll even flip ahead to see that plotline resolved!
Hart–It just drives me nuts! I want to be wrapped up in the book during a thrilling scene.
Carol–Good point. I know what you mean…sometimes I get excited about an idea and I stick it in the manuscript–even when it’s not in the best spot. I iron it out through revisions.
Terry–I think if it’s supposed to be an exciting scene, I should be feeling like I *am* the protagonist..that goes for movies as well as books. That way the drama really matters to me.
Alex–I don’t like flashbacks, either. I usually end up confused.
Diane–Teens seem to be all about the drama! :)
Heather–Yeah, that’s annoying, isn’t it? I hate it when dialogue is TOO realistic and sounds just like (boring) conversation. Actually, I’m posting on that tomorrow. :)
Stormy–Thanks! Good luck with your revisions. :) We’ve all been in the same boat.
Marvin–It’s true…a lot of head hopping can pull you out of a novel pretty quickly!
Jemi–I think that’s a good technique, too. And first readers help a lot with it, too.
Helen–Too much telling is really distracting, isn’t it?