Our family took a short vacation during my blogging break and tried to escape the blistering heat by visiting the mountains.
We stayed in a town with a reputation for quirkiness. And quirkiness is something that our metro area of Charlotte, North Carolina, isn’t known for (Charlotte, a banking town, is fairly staid.) I thought I should give the kids a heads-up that we weren’t in Charlotte anymore.
We were sitting outside a vegan restaurant with an organic garden eating unusual food that I couldn’t pronounce. “What’s interesting about this town,” I said, “are the people. They’re pretty quirky. It’s a very artsy town.”
“You’re an artist,” said my son.
“Well, yeessss….but not like these folks.”
“Because you don’t have tattoos and piercings and pink hair?” he asked.
“I guess. But also because these people act a little offbeat, too.”
“What’s offbeat?” asked my daughter, squinting.
I was floundering, not sure how to express the ways the town we were in was cool, interesting, and different when a man on a motorcycle puttered by. He wore an eye-catching, splashy, sparkly outfit. His motorcycle pulled a trailer carrying chicken coops full of squawking chickens.
“Oh! Got it,” said my son, watching the man go by.
Which is exactly why showing is so much more effective than telling. (It’s also why I wish I could paint!) I’ve spent a lot of time the last week or so, editing that old manuscript to take out telling descriptions…a pain, but it just reads so much better.
How do you show instead of tell?
Elizabeth – What a beautiful moment to explain what you meant, and what a great example of important showing is. I use a few different ways to show, not tell. For instance, sometimes I use facial cues (…face reddened… or …face drained of color… instead of, “He was angry,” or “She was shocked.”
That’s a perfect way to show. Sometimes I opt for something vivid like your Chicken Man. Sometimes it’s character voice or action.
Where did you find your G+ button? I have looked and looked.
It’s something I’m still having to force myself to learn. Great example, Elizabeth.
Karen
What a great point! And it’s so true. Sometimes we tell without realizing it! Thank goodness for CPs!
Sounds like I’d fit in great in that town. ;)
I’m not an actress by any stretch of the imagination, but when I’m writing scenes I throw myself into my character and have been known to make facial expressions and reactions to test their believability.
~ Wendy
I do the facial expressions, too when I’m trying to describe someone’s emotion. I have to be careful though. Too much frowning and I start feeling grumpy.
And as a side note, I picked up Delicious and Suspicious a couple days ago. I was trying to find something different, wandered past mystery and remembered your series. I was tickled that one: I remembered your pen name and two: they had a few of your books. Though still feeling sad my poor store is going away. Sigh. Farewell Waldenbooks.
It’s so much easier (on the writer) to tell, but as a reader I value the author’s skills when they make a scene or a character alive without all that nitty-gritty information. I think as writers we often are so eager to have the reader “in our head” that we forget how powerful imagination is, and how much more powerful emotions are when they’re your own. It’s definitely a skill to weave stories in this way… Hard, very hard, for me because I talk too much :)
What do I do? Revise revise revise, and edit edit edit, until all superfluous descriptions are gone (I hope). I’m yet to be published (ok, I’ve yet to finish the first MS), and when I am, I want to be sure the work is the very very best it can be.
I tend to use dialogue and internal monologue to show rather than tell. And I have great crit partners who catch places where I lapse too long into telling. There ARE places where it’s more efficient to tell. Just not too much (as usual, our blog topics are overlapping a bit today–again!)
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
I thought about you yesterday while I was waiting for my husband outside a supermarket. In the car next to ours was a mean-spirited little pug that jumped up the seat and barked at me every ten seconds, and in order to seem big, he turned his snout in the air so you couldn´t see his eyes at all. The little thing looked hilarious (all rug, no teeth), and I could see what you mean when you tell us to keep eyes and ears open all the time. There were no artsy folks, though, this seemed more like a Walmarty kind of place.
I had a similar experience in my hometown of Lawrence, Ks. A bald man with a wooly beard a wild look in his eyes darted down the street at the annual sidewalk sale. He was wearing a purple flower print dress and gray athletic shoes. I pointed at him and told my friend, “That is my hometown.”
I think you’ve touched on the point here. I try to imagine I’m a movie camera and if I had to show someone was something, how would I do it? Would I focus on their face or their hands or their feet?
I like to describe the physical effects of an emotion. Like ‘my stomach sank.’ Lately I have also been trying to describe body language. Not the easiest thing, but it can be very effective.
Love it when you’re rescued by a biking chicken guy!! :)
I tend to do a whole round of edits, just looking for places where I’ve told
Thanks, Elizabeth :)
As some of you may know, the official city slogan of Austin TX is “Keep Austin Weird.”
I went to the Austin Film Festival one year, and found a pleasant off-beat artsy town with a certain working class feel that I really enjoyed.
One night I was walking to one of the venues for the festival and it was rather late, but the town was alive. And walking along the street was a man who, well, from the waist up, he was Willie Nelson — beard, cowboy hat, tough leather jacket — and he was chomping on a cigar and scowling at the world. From the waist down? He was a show girl. Fishnet stockings, nine inch heels, glitter.
I was never sure if he had A) lost at bet, or B) his hot date never showed up, or C) scowling was his usual expression.
Laura–Well, it’s just so much *quicker* to tell, isn’t it? Sometimes I’ll tell a lot in the first draft…
Margot–Excellent way to tackle it!
Wendy –Good idea! Test them out. And…you know, I just don’t SEE you in that town! Ha!
Jaleh–I’ve found myself doing the same thing! Sort of like when I was feeding babies baby food and I’d open up my mouth unconsciously to show them what they were supposed to do…
Oh! Thanks so much, Jaleh! Hope you’ll enjoy the book. :)
Guilie–I’m with you–I hate excessive detail. A character comes alive for me, as a reader, when I’m allowed to fill in some of the blanks myself.
Revising! I detest it, but I’m so pleased with myself when I’ve finished!
Chris–Ha! Sounds like a fun place to grow up!
Clarissa–Good idea! Yeah, I think if we approach is as if we *weren’t* writing–if we were painting or filming or taking a photograph, how would we compose the scene?
Carol –I took it from here:
http://boldperspective.com/2011/free-google-plus-icon-vector/
Krista–Have you been to The Bookshelf Muse? Helpful thesaurus there for writers who want to describe emotion.
Karen–Half the time I just add the showing later. Takes a bit longer.
ROTFL! I spit coffee all over when I read this! That’s a perfect way to describe showing instead of telling. Loved it!
And if that’s not quirky, I don’t know what is! Motorcycle man with chickens to your rescue.
Glad you’re back, Elizabeth!
Are you a teacher? Because you’re very good! I got a total visual from your description.
LOL! I’d say only in NC, but I bet there are a few other states that guy might appear in besides here.
Terry–I’m a dialogue fiend! I think I’ve gotten a little *too* heavy with dialouge, though, so I’m trying to incorporate some other showing aspects.
Heather–Isn’t that wild? The kids are still talking about it. Not something we could see here in Charlotte…
Dorte–Oh, gosh, if I want a particular type of character, I just hang out at Walmart. Ha! I wouldn’t have thought y’all had a place like that, there, though (of course, my parents have just visited the touristy spots there…)
Alex–Isn’t that funny? And the kids stopped asking questions about the town after that…they totally got it.
Jemi–I do, too. And I find a ton!
Carol–You’re so welcome!
The Daring Novelist–I’ve heard great things about Austin. I think we have our own personal Austin here in NC, too. :)
I’m going to go with the lost bet! Ha! My guy, at least, looked like he was in his element.
Diane–Probably. And I bet you know what town I was in…
One of the most interesting facets of traveling is to taste food you can’t pronounce, and to pick dishes from a menu you can’t even read.
I’m probably telling way too much, because I’m not very good at showing, but I try to improve >:)
Cold As Heaven
I would love to have me some Ozark Mountains right now to go to that are cool and refreshing. We’re already quirky here, so I just need the cool.
I put myself in my character’s place. Sometimes their actions are in my mind and sometimes…I am an actor. :)
Cold as Heaven–I’m good at pointing on things on a menu and smiling! They always seem to know what I want. :)
Lady Gwen–No, I’m the renegade in the family who *didn’t* go into teaching. :) But my dad is one, my grandmother and grandfather were teachers, etc. Thanks!