Right now I’m writing the fourth Memphis Barbeque mystery. I’m still working on the first draft and, like all first drafts, I’m realizing I’ve got some issues.
The biggest one I’ve got right now is that I’ll need to move the discovery of the victim’s body up. Right now, the body is found around page 32 and that’s going to be a bit too far back for my editor (and readers.)
I’ve read posts where writers have fussed about having to put the inciting incident so close to the front of the book—but, to me, that’s just the modern reality. Unfortunately, we’re not only competing with books that have that early hook, we’re also competing with short attention spans and readers hooked on TV, computers, and game systems.
I think late inciting incidents presents a recurring issue for most writers and for many genres. It’s easy to write in a long lead-in time while we’re setting up the story’s big event. (For a nice review on a inciting incident, take a look at writer K.M. Weiland’s posts: one on maximizing your inciting incident and one on the difference between the inciting incident and the key event.)
As an example, here’s an overview of what’s going on with my current story (and I’m not addressing this until I’m done writing the first draft):
First of all, I’ve introduced several of the main characters in the story—my protagonist and two important supporting characters.
The characters are introduced through a scene where a ticking time bomb element is in place (and no—I write cozy mysteries, so this isn’t an actual bomb, but it’s a stressful event with a stated deadline.) So there’s some tension—but it’s not the inciting incident. It’s not the murder.
Then I started setting up the murder. I introduced another of the supporting cast and wrote a scene to show how the future murder victim is making certain people unhappy….two characters talking about the future victim. One person he’s making unhappy is close to my protagonist, introduced in the opening scene.
But a murder needs at least 3-5 suspects just to keep the reader guessing. So I’ve got an additional, tense scene with the future victim and some future suspects—people that the protagonist and supporting cast don’t really know, but who play important roles in this book.
Then I’ve got the setting to work in—and this setting is important for this particular murder. I write in a scene at the festival, bringing in the elements of the setting that are important to the murder.
Finally—the body is discovered.
Now I know that I’ve kept things moving along in those 30-odd pages. I’ve set up the murder so it’s not just some out-of-context, out-of-the-blue body being thrown at the reader. I’ve had tension and conflict and humor and necessary character introductions.
But I know that my editor will want me to move the body’s discovery up.
This means that when I’m done with this draft, I’m going to probably cut out some of those scenes. There was a time when I’d have dumped the body in a prologue (you’ll see that in a couple of my first books) and then proceeded on with the story exactly as I just explained it above. I’d crossed off the body’s discovery by putting it on the first page of the book, then moved back to my usual set-up.
I’m not as crazy about doing that anymore. It worked all right, but now I get the feeling that the whole time the reader is reading the set-up, they’re wanting to get back to the body they’d heard about in the prologue. I just don’t like it as much as I used to.
So what I’ll do at the end of this draft is to ramp things up. I’ll move the discovery of the body about 10 pages up. I’m going to have some of my character development and introduction in response to my inciting incident. After all, it’s going to be a stressful event for these characters—their response to it will show a lot about them to the readers.
I’ve also realized that I disclose a few things in my book’s beginning that I could hold off explaining until later. There’s, I think, a tendency for writers to want to loop the reader in. I know I have that tendency. It’s good not to want the reader confused, but if we’re just holding off on revealing a connection between characters or a character’s secret—there’s no reason not to let that extra element of tension spice up the story. Why not?
Working in the inciting incident:
Have it be your opening hook. The characters’ reaction to the events will be the readers’ introduction to them.
If you’re trying to delay the inciting incident but hint at it (to keep readers hooked), use flashbacks and flashforwards with caution. These can either backfire or intrigue. The ones I read seem to backfire more often than not.
If you just can’t think of a way to move the inciting incident closer to the front of the book, make sure that you’ve got a good amount of tension and conflict in your lead-in to that point. If the first part of your story is all backstory and set-up, the reader might not stick with it.
Remember that we don’t have to tell everything upfront. We can raise questions and delay answering these questions until later in the book…even at the end of the book. As long as it’s not confusing or unduly frustrating, this delayed revelation adds tension to a story. See if some of that explanatory lead-in material can be put off until later in the book.
When do you usually include your story’s inciting incident? Do you ever have to push it up? As a reader, when do you find yourself losing interest in a book—and is it related to the placement of the inciting incident?
Hi Elizabeth – With my current WIP, I put my inciting incident early in the first chapter. Originally I wanted to lead in with back story, but I learned it’s was a fast way to lose readers. (As a reader, I actually *like* back story, but I know I’m in the minority.)
One book that helped me “get it” was “Hooked: Write Fiction That Grabs Readers at Page One & Never Lets Them Go” by Les Edgerton. It’s one of my favorite books on writing.
Happy Friday!
I like the inciting incident early. My ADD needs to be fed and that helps if it’s early.
T
I loved this. I write contemporary romance, and I’ve had troubles with the first part of the book dragging. Thanks for sharing how some of your mind works!
As a reader, I don’t like the body to be rushed. There has to be proper set up.
However, the “drive” of the story has to be present from the beginning. Whether it’s the tension that leads to the murder, or the underlying story of how it matters to the protag, there has to be something that drives the whole story, not just a scene or two.
One thing that Robert McKee talks about with an inciting incident is that you can “split” it. He uses JAWS as an example: Start with a shark attack, then skip to the set up, where people don’t know about the shark attack yet.
I also like the inciting incident early. In my WIP, the dead body is discovered at the bottom of page 2.
ELizabeth – This is an interesting topic and honestly it’s difficult to address well. I’ve actually done it both ways. In my first two novels I had some character development and tension-building first, and then I had the murders. In my third book, one victim dies in the prologue, and one later on. And in my fourth, which I’m working on now, one victim is a long-ago murder whose bones are found in the first chapter. The second victim is killed later. Like you, I see the trend towards having a murder right away – as the hook. I honestly don’t think that’s necessary, but certainly some good reason to keep reading is.
I think I mention it in the first chapter, but it doesn’t become apparent until later chapters that it’s THE incident. That make sense?
My books are more of a ‘slice of life’ as my husband likes to call them, so there’s not so much an incident as an internal struggle or shortcoming the character must overcome.
Hi Elizabeth – interesting discussion you’re having here .. I have to say if I get muddled with too much info – before I can get unravelling my own thoughts re the mystery – then I get lost and disinterested often.
Cheers Hilary
I tend to throw the discovery of the body into the first chapter. I learned doing live murder mysteries that people are happier once someone hits the ground. Then they happily settle down to learn the nitty-gritty.
I love the way your brain works, Elizabeth – you really see writing as a flow and can still take it apart and put it back together so well!
Man, and i thought I was doing well with the body on 35! My last books early draft was like page 70 or something–and I DID have to move it up… and then move it up AGAIN. That book will be the death of me.
So far on the cozies, i’ve had the inciting incident in chapter 2–one is set up–what the book is going to do and introducing characters. The the body in chapter 3… but i think my chapters run longer than yours.
I have some variations for cozies, but they would take too long to explain for comments. Maybe I’ll put them on my blog sometime tonight.
Tracy–The readers don’t seem to be crazy about it–I guess they’re impatient to get to the action.
I haven’t read that one–thanks for the tip!
Teresa–That might be my problem, too. :)
Alex–It does, and I think you tackled it well!
Diane–Personal struggles are some of the hardest things to work through!
Lily–So glad to help!
The Daring Novelist–I do like a little set-up…but I think that’s me as a writer, not me as a reader. It’s getting quickly drummed out of me, though!
I’ve seen the approach you’ve mentioned work really well with thrillers. I’m thinking about how to use that with a cozy (and it’s decreased body count). Maybe just an ominous incident or a threat made?
Joanne–I think I’d enjoy your book. :)
Hilary–Another good point! Yes, I’m one of those readers who gets confused when I’m given too much backstory (my bad memory again.)
Margot–Well put. The reader needs a reason to keep reading and not to switch to the other books on their TBR list.
Hart–They really like them soon. It’s a concept that hasn’t come easy to me…
My chapters are about 10 pages…after a reader comment about my “long chapters” on an earlier book. I’m a fast learner–ha!
Elspeth–Maybe it’s a genre thing. I know my editors will fuss if the body doesn’t hit the ground pretty soon…
Jemi–Thanks! I think seeing a book as one big, flowing piece and then seeing the parts to it…where we can amputate, can really help. :)
Elizbeth,
Great posting. I’m struggling with some inciting incidents in my wip but it’s not a murder mystery or antyhing. It’s more of a mother’s quest to find her child (10 years in the making) and discovering things about herself that she wasn’t ever supposed to find out. I have a secret revealed (probably about half way through my novel, but I’m not sure where it will fall) so I had to write the prologue to reveal the secret to myself mostly (that’s definite backstory) so that I could fit the pieces in further into the novel. The first three pages pretty much wrote themselves but after that only fragments of things were coming to me and one of them was this big secret. So where my inciting incident ends up being, I don’t know right now.
As far as reading mysteries goes, I like things to be revealed slow – I don’t want to know who did it right up front, even with all the clues. I like to discovery it along the way as my protag is discovering and don’t like to know until pretty much when the protag does. I only seem to lose interest in the book if I haven’t really been hooked at the beginning and by the end of the 2nd or 3rd chapter if nothing is happening, I tend to put it down and not pick it up for a while. So guess the inciting incident has to be near the beginning for me – I hadn’t really thought about it – lol. Good posting – thanks for sharing. Reposting to my blog – chat soon E :)
Elysabeth Eldering
Author of Finally Home, a YA paranormal mystery
“The Proposal” (a 2nd place winning April Fools Day story), a humorous romance ebook
“The Tulip Kiss” (a 1st place winning story), a paranormal romance ebook
“Bride-and-Seek” (a selected Petigru Review story), a paranormal romance ebook
http://elysabethsstories.blogspot.com
http://eeldering.weebly.com
Hi Elizabeth — I can’t tell you how many times I’ve chopped the first one or two chapters out of my manuscripts once I’ve realized why I’m so uncomfortable with the story. I don’t even agonize over it anymore, although I do save the deleted content in a file so I can work in the important details later.
The Daring Novelist–I’ll be interested in those…thanks!
Elysabeth–Those are my favorite types of mysteries, too–where the reader is almost an invisible sidekick to the sleuth, solving the case alongside her.
You know, in that instance I think a teaser with the secret in the prologue would work well. I’ve seen that done in some great books. I think for mysteries it’s a bit trickier for exactly the reason you’ve mentioned–the reader isn’t usually experiencing the body when the sleuth does.
Thanks for coming by!
This helped me so much! Especially the mention of 3-5 suspects. I’m taking that advice to heart.
I deleted about three pages from my opening, and pushed some of those details until later in the story. I did this with the second draft. Much better!
You have to really trust a writer to read past 50 pages without a body.
I think I have come a long way since my Danish novel (which I wrote in 2007). In that one I had to resort to a prologue, or no one would have guessed it was supposed to be a crime story ;)
I did wonder if it was necessary to have the first murder of “The Cosy Knave” in chapter one, but I made up my mind it would be okay in chapter two as that one was also part of the free sample. So I have learnt to consider impatient readers, I believe, but personally I agree with Joe Barone. If the writer does a proper job of building up tension, I don´t mind waiting for several chapters.
I’m always more invested in the story when I have connected with the characters. I guess there’s always room for tightening. The link article was terrific.
Julie–Personally, I like 5 suspects, then I kill one of the suspects halfway through the book. But I have one editor who really just likes 3. She wants a really tight mystery. It makes it tricky for me, but I go along with it, of course!~
Patricia–I think we should definitely hold onto those chopped scenes…just in case. And maybe they can even become “extras” in enhanced ebooks.
Joe–You’re very right. I think it makes editors a little jittery…because sometimes readers are stumbling into new authors for the first time and that trust isn’t there yet. They don’t want those readers to give up on us.
Dorte–I’m with y’all. If there’s someone I love reading and trust (a Deborah Crombie or an M.C. Beaton), then I can hold off on the body a little, as a reader. I know the payoff will happen eventually. You did a great job with Cozy Knave, Dorte!
Leslie–Katie’s blog is a great one to follow. Poke around in her archives a little.
Since my first event took a few chapters, I added a short story to kick off my book, an mini action adventure of about 15 pages that helps set the tone of the book. Otherwise, I thought I might lose some readers.
But you write cozy mysteries (I think) so you probably do not need that POW factor right away.
I usually begin with the murder. That’s common in my genre though. I don’t write cosies so the rules may be different.
Stephen–That’s a great way of handling it. My openings would still need a strong hook, even though it wouldn’t likely be an action-related one.
Clarissa–I think it depends on the writer, but many cozies start out with a murder on page 1. I haven’t written one like that yet. Hmm. May have to try it.
As a writer and a reader, I want to see the murder early on. The end of the first chapter feels right to me — and better still if the chapter involves a conflict caused by the victim. I don’t have as much time to read as I used to, and I give up on slow books much more quickly now.
After the murder, the story should begin to open out, involving more people, several suspects, and producing some surprises about the victim’s life and previously unknown relationships or contacts. You have the entire first third of the book to introduce and examine suspects. I don’t think you have to introduce all of them in the first chapter.