Guest Post by Jack Smith
Dialogue
Tags
Tags
What about “he said”/”she said”—do you
need them? Or perhaps the character’s
name instead of the pronoun? How much of
either is needed? How much is too
much? Like everything else in creative
writing, no rules here. Only what
works. And you can think of this matter
in at least two ways: clarity and style—or both.
need them? Or perhaps the character’s
name instead of the pronoun? How much of
either is needed? How much is too
much? Like everything else in creative
writing, no rules here. Only what
works. And you can think of this matter
in at least two ways: clarity and style—or both.
Take a look at this passage from Raymond
Carver’s “What’s in Alaska?” Do we need
the dialogue tags?
Carver’s “What’s in Alaska?” Do we need
the dialogue tags?
“I don’t know. Something Mary said,” Helen said.
“What did I say?” Mary
said.
said.
“I can’t remember,”
Helen said.
Helen said.
“We have to go,” Jack
said.
said.
“So long,” Carl
said. “Take it easy.”
said. “Take it easy.”
We could probably use some help here,
clarity-wise, since we’ve got four characters speaking, but notice too that
Carver creates an interesting cadence by the repetition of “said.” Really!
Nice, isn’t it? What if he went
by some silly hard-and-fast rule about cutting down your use of “said.” We would miss the lyrical quality of his
prose. Wouldn’t we?
clarity-wise, since we’ve got four characters speaking, but notice too that
Carver creates an interesting cadence by the repetition of “said.” Really!
Nice, isn’t it? What if he went
by some silly hard-and-fast rule about cutting down your use of “said.” We would miss the lyrical quality of his
prose. Wouldn’t we?
Is clarity a matter in this passage from
Carver’s “The Compartment”?
Carver’s “The Compartment”?
They love you, I said.
No, they don’t, he
said.
said.
I said, Someday,
they’ll understand things.
they’ll understand things.
Maybe Wes, said. But it won’t matter then.
You don’t know, I
said.
said.
I know a few things,
Wes said, and he looked at me.
Wes said, and he looked at me.
Clarity is much less an issue here. But again—notice how the repetitive use of
“said” builds an interesting cadence. The texture of the prose draws us in—or
at least it draws me in.
“said” builds an interesting cadence. The texture of the prose draws us in—or
at least it draws me in.
Notice now this passage from Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises. No dialogue tags:
“He must drink a lot
of wine.”
of wine.”
“Or wear purple
undershirts.”
undershirts.”
“Let’s ask him.”
“No. He’s too tired.”
There’s plenty of this bare-bones
dialogue in this novel. And by now, this
stripped-down dialogue is pretty familiar to many readers—readers, for
instance, of Cormac McCarthy. It creates
an impact. We hear conversation spoken,
and that’s it—like an audio tape.
dialogue in this novel. And by now, this
stripped-down dialogue is pretty familiar to many readers—readers, for
instance, of Cormac McCarthy. It creates
an impact. We hear conversation spoken,
and that’s it—like an audio tape.
But there’s a middle road—a “he said,” a “she
said,” or “Norm said,” or “Mary said,” now and then—and then an action line
that establishes who’s talking. For
instance, also from The Sun Also Rises:
said,” or “Norm said,” or “Mary said,” now and then—and then an action line
that establishes who’s talking. For
instance, also from The Sun Also Rises:
“Poor old
darling.” She stroked my head.
darling.” She stroked my head.
You could avoid the tags by action lines
like this. We know who’s talking.
like this. We know who’s talking.
So what are your options?
1.
Ramp up the dialogue tags.
Ramp up the dialogue tags.
2. Eliminate them altogether and go with
the bare-bones back and forth exchange.
the bare-bones back and forth exchange.
3. Insert action lines now and then to
find ways to avoid tags.
find ways to avoid tags.
But don’t get the idea that it’s best to
go for the Aristotelian Mean and take a middle path. Think clarity, but also think style.
go for the Aristotelian Mean and take a middle path. Think clarity, but also think style.
What sound do you want to create? What tone?
Write and Revise for Publication
, Writer’s Digest, 2013, and Hog to Hog, winner of the George
Garrett Fiction Prize, Texas Review Press, 2008
, Writer’s Digest, 2013, and Hog to Hog, winner of the George
Garrett Fiction Prize, Texas Review Press, 2008
Elizabeth – Thanks for hosting Jack.
Jack – Interesting topic; thanks for bringing it up. I’ve found that dialogue tags can certainly be overused. That said, though, they do have their place, especially when there are more than two speakers in a scene. I always ask myself, ‘Does the reader need that tag to make sense of the conversation?’ If yes, then I put it in. If no, then I don’t.
Jack–Thanks so much for guest posting today and for these great tips for dialogue. I’ve had to recently readjust how I treat dialogue attribution since I was getting too many editorial notes about clarity. Thanks for outlining our options here and for reminding us about the importance of style, as well.
I’m learning to take more of the tags out and just letting the dialogue flow.
I like to use the action lines, which lets the character speak and act without having the potentially bulky “said” on everything. I’m personally not a big “said” fan — i mean it’s certainly necessary but I think it can pull the pace down too and be played too much in some cases. there’s nothing wrong with just letting the dialogue fly without any tags for a few lines if you’ve established which speaker is which already. (At least that’s what I think.)
The two authors you mentioned, McCarthy and Hemingway, are my vorbilder when it comes to style. Nice examples.
Last week, dialogue tags was one of the topics discussed on BBC World Service, The Arts Hour. I think I agree with the conclusions; use nothing else than “said”, if anything >:)
Cold As Heaven
I am studying this problem and I must say that your article has helped me a lot.
MSM Group
I’m definitely leaning toward ‘depends on the scene’. My inclination is to leave em off like Hemingway–I love fast, quippy dialog and anything at all breaks it up. But my editors tend to ask for a reminder here and there. With two, I can throw it in every third or fourth line and it stays straight, but with a lot of people, I prefer to put in some action tags to break up the ‘he said, she said’ on every line (which is my LEAST favorite… it makes the tag stand out when the POINT of picking ‘said’ is to make it invisible.
Hi Jack
Great post, thanks
It’s such a fine line to walk. I must confess, I much prefer the lack of tags you demonstrated using Hemingway. I tend to use that with the occasional action line thrown in to avoid confusion.
I’ve tried using a ‘he said’, ‘she said’ every now and then, but it sticks out unless you use it consistently.
I’d agree with Hart, that it’s easier to keep it simple with two characters, but once you’ve got a group, the action tags help.
thanks again
Mike
I’m all about the action lines, but there are times when the conversation needs to flow quickly and i remove tags altogether, unless it gets confusing, then I’ll slip one in as required. Definately not every time. Great post Jack. :)
I’ve been listening to a lot of audiobooks lately. In cases where the reader doesn’t have a different voice for each character, or the character’s voices are too close together, it is easy to get lost in a conversation. A few of the books that I’ve listened to lately could use some more “he said” and “she said” tags.