by Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
I was reading through my Feedly RSS feeds (I work and curate links about a month behind in the feed reader) and I came across a post by writer Steven Pressfield. It was one of those articles where I scheduled a share, but then saved the post to read more closely again later. It was called “Clueless Asks” and as soon as I read the title, I knew what it was going to be about. Because I get a lot of these asks, myself. In the post, Steven Pressfield explains that time ‘is the single most valuable commodity you own.’
Funnily enough, I was on another blog and they mentioned a post from industry expert Jane Friedman (and I’m laughing as I write ‘industry expert’ because that’s something she addressed in her post, as well). She wrote in response to “Clueless Asks” a post titled “If You’re Successful, People Ask for Help. But Who Deserves It?” She writes: “Today, even before I open my email, my blood pressure spikes thinking of all the requests, problems, and complaints I’m likely to find.” It’s a great post and mentions how she’s compromised in some instances to respect her time while still responding to requests.
These are different from opportunities. I’m good at saying no to speaking at far-flung events where I will have to spend money for gasoline or a plane ticket and a hotel without getting compensation. These other requests are, as Jane Friedman and Steven Pressfield put it, ‘asks.’ And they’re from people I don’t know.
I’m adding on to their excellent posts because I know writers (and several of them are regulars here) who are in the same boat. They want to help people who ask them for help. They’re overwhelmed with emails and requests. What can they do?
Just a quick note that this article is not directed at my readers or online friends who reach out. I never mind emailing and reaching out to either of those groups because they know me…either through my books/characters, my blog, etc. This is more how I handle asks from people I’ve never heard of who reach out.
Prioritize the strangers you help. These are examples of the requests I’m most likely to help with:
Writers who really need help, have tried to figure things out, and seem stuck.
Emails from students .
Emails asking about very specific promo-related or writing-related elements.
Writing-related, industry-related help (beta-testing, etc.) that might lead to networking opportunities for me. This is, honestly, more of a quid pro quo for me. Maybe it doesn’t belong in the list, but there are a lot of these things that pop up.
Consider politely rejecting some. I’m much more likely to give a polite rejection to:
Emails that appear to be form letters.
Very vague emails from people I don’t know who don’t appear to have done any research. (“How do you get published?”)
Content marketers. And I don’t mean the super-professional ones…I mean the ones that want to write you a guest post about vacuum cleaners. Those types of marketers are like biting flies. If you don’t respond, they’ll keep biting at you and filling your inbox. I highly recommend using a canned response, if you’re on gmail. It’s sort of like getting a form rejection (which makes me shudder a little…I remember getting those. But hey…persistent content marketers.) Here’s how to create a canned response in gmail and outlook.
Factors that impact my ability to help:
Mainly just the craziness level of my life at the time. It literally hurts me to reject a request…I get stomachaches and headaches. But when I’ve got a book that I’ve got to get to my freelance editor on deadline (and that is a deadline in self-publishing…if your editor is open, you hurry to make sure you’re ready to send it), a child that has a lot going on (that I need to drive to, help with…I’m about to ‘graduate’ from this task when she turns 16), family emergencies (some of those are going around), then something has got to give.
Many times I want to take part in the group giveaway, test the cool new software for writers, or help someone make sense of self-publishing. But I also know that I don’t do anything halfway and my helping will eat up a lot of my time.
What I struggle with is that the reason I’m doing well with my writing today is because so many others have helped me along the way when I’ve asked questions or needed help.
Tools to make your helping easier:
Canned responses. I mentioned this above. I have them for advertising requests, requests to ‘update’ old posts with backlinks to fresh content, for general questions on mystery writing, and how to start out with self-publishing.
For instance, I may send out this response to a content marketer looking to guest blog:
Cornerstone content that you’ve created–a blog post you can refer to. I have written a series on cozy mystery writing, for instance, and several on how to reach an international audience. I can easily direct writers to these posts.
Cornerstone content written by others. I’ve sent sooo many writers to Jane Friedman’s ‘start here’ series (for example: “How to Get Your Book Published” and “How to Self-Publish.”)
Like so many things in life, it’s best to do things to please yourself instead of others. It pleases me to help, even if my advice or help goes unrecognized. Besides, it helps me feel I’ve paid back the writers (some of them no longer with us) who helped me get started out by giving me information and advice. They paid it forward and I’m trying to do the same, as much as I can.
How do you handle requests? Do you receive lots of emails, too?
Photo credit: Earthworm via Visual Hunt / CC BY-NC-SA
Hi Elizabeth – I know you’ve been kind enough to help me on occasions … for which I’m very grateful. You have lots of good resources and information available. The post here says it all and politely too … I don’t often get asked and would answer in a similar way you’ve done – some things will suit, others won’t … I follow that route, as kindly as I can – but some who ask, don’t think before asking … I’ll be interested to see everyone’s comments – cheers Hilary
I’m glad it was helpful! My online friends don’t count as help requests because…that’s what friends do. :)
For you, it could even be saying no to everyday invitations and respecting your time that way. I’m sure with your following that you’ve got to get tons of requests for participation in blog hops, special blogging theme days, and the like. It must be tough to prioritize.
Hi Elizabeth – thankfully I don’t get asked too often – I’m happy to go to others’ blogs on occasions, but I prefer to keep my blog ‘in my own vein’ … so similar material is always available … but that’s just me – I get on with things and occasionally join in – when it’s pertinent/relevant to do so … and I can keep my way of content as is … so to speak. Thanks – you understand – cheers Hilary
Exactly–that way readers know what to expect when they visit your blog. Besides, it’s more enjoyable for you, too!
Thanks for this post, Elizabeth. It tells me that you are not just a gifted writer but a very generous one too.
Thank you. It’s really because writers were so helpful to me when I was starting out (particularly Jim and Joyce Lavene, who have now both passed away).
Your response to some guest posts is similar to mine. And I do get all sorts of crazy requests.
The form or generic ones are easy to spot.
It is hard to say no since we were all there once. But if I ever reached out an asked someone, it was a person I knew. Like you!
Yes, and my form rejections of the form requests are easy to spot too, ha! I had a feeling you got lots of these, too.
It’s a good feeling being helpful to a friend! I look forward to that…it’s the ‘out of the blue’ ones from folks I have no relationship with that eat up my days.
Thanks, Elizabeth. This is really useful, and it touches on something that I think a a lot of people face. I like your idea of having a few very polite, but stock, replies for content marketers and others in that category. It allows you to still be professional and approachable and polite, but not spend too much time where it doesn’t need to be spent.
Thanks. I’m hoping for a balanced approach. I can’t help with everything, but can’t *not* help, either.
I get a lot of out of the blue requests. Plus since I teach seminars, I’m always getting emails from well-meaning CC Small Business Center directors who are sending me someone with questions. I don’t mind answering a couple questions, but if it’s going to be involved, they need to check out my consultation services. I always say no to phone requests because those can really suck up my time.
The phone conversations! Yes, I forgot to mention those. And I’m not good on the phone…
I thought of you as I was writing this. In your role as both publisher and writer, I can only imagine the workload and requests you must get each day.
When I was president of my regional writers group, I used to get phone calls and emails from strangers asking for advice. Because I represented not just me an organization, I hesitated to blow them off.
One man called me to say, “I’ve written a book. How do I get it published?” I told him whole books were written on the subject and told hm about multiple resources to check out. A year later, he joined the writers group.
Another fellow called to tell me he had written a book on weight loss. He had figured out the secret but no one wanted to publish it. He had no medical background, but he was qualified “because he had lost weight.” He insisted it was so wrong that he could not find a publisher. I told him he needed to partner with a doctor to get his book published, but he rejected that idea. He kept me on the phone for quite a while, complaining about the injustice. Since then, I’ve gotten better at ending phone calls.
I think I need to take more of a page out of your book…point to solid resources and not write a 700 word email on the subject. That would definitely help.
The guy who just didn’t want to face the truth–that he needed a pro to co-write and provide the medical weight–is one of the worst ‘types’ I think writers run into. They *need* help, but they can’t *accept* good help. Glad you’re able to get off the phone quicker now!
Great expansion on the topic! :-)
Thanks and thanks for your original expansion. :)
I’m so glad you wrote on this subject, Elizabeth. I have the same feelings and “blood pressure spikes” when I see my inbox filled with requests and demands from strangers every single day.
I’ve created a canned response to the “biting flies” types (Sometimes I get 20 of those a day. Last week I got 2 requests from bloggers who wanted to “guest post” porn on my site. (!) I was creeped out that they had my name and email address but obviously had no idea it’s a writing blog. )
But the helpless newbies who want me to read their memoirs, get them published, or promote their books are a little tougher to deal with. I try to steer them to blog posts or books on the subject, but they often write back and say they don’t have time to read the information, so would I please paraphrase it for them. As if my time had no value and I’m a machine that exists only to fulfill their needs, like a toaster.
Sometimes it gets so overwhelming, I just want to shut down the blog and move to a Unabomber cabin off the grid and take up goat farming.
It’s good to hear from another blogger who finds this stuff overwhelming. Thanks!
20 a day is insane! I’ve usually got 2 waiting for me each morning and even those drive me bonkers. Or the ones offering to do a website checkup for me for more traffic…another annoyance.
I think what’s so frustrating is that the writers you’re describing are missing the point: you and I spent *years* reading blog posts and books, culling out the helpful bits. We’ve been to conferences, we’ve listened to podcasts, watched webcasts and YouTube videos, took courses. But those folks are asking for too much of a shortcut. They don’t have time to read the 5 blog posts we recommend? Very frustrating. That’s when a Unabomber cabin sounds delightful, ha!
Hi Anne – I’ve just written about myotonic goats (fainting ones in Tennessee!) – they’ll make you laugh everyday … and I’m sure you could build a network of goat watchers?! Just had to laugh at the thought of you farming goats – though quite see where you’re coming from … cheers and thanks for the advice you and Elizabeth offer us … Hilary