Alan Orloff at A Million Blogging Monkeys had a great post last week dealing with scene pacing. As he mentioned, it’s best to start a scene late in the action and end the scene early.
Otherwise, our characters start doing boring things.
My characters love doing boring things. I let them have their way with the manuscript on the first draft, but for the second? They’re not having pointless phone conversations anymore. They’re not walking to the front door, putting on their jacket, and strolling out to the car.
We don’t have to be with the character every step of the way in a book. We don’t have to sit with them through their meals, watch them do their dishes. We don’t have to be there when they go to bed at night or wake up in the morning.
Instead, we can start scenes in the middle of the action.
So instead of having my Memphis BBQ protagonist Lulu get dressed in a floral dress, eat a bowl of Fruit Loops, happily sing along with the radio, arrive at her Aunt Pat’s barbeque restaurant, and discover a body, I could do this instead:
Lulu unlocked the door to the restaurant, reached in, and fumbled for the lights, still humming that tune from South Pacific. Her keys hit the wooden floor with a clunk. There was a body in a pool of blood smack dab in the middle of the dining room.
The reader just assumes that Lulu got ready for her day. I don’t have to shadow Lulu while she decides which of her dozen floral dresses she’s going to put on for the day. The reader assumes that Lulu has gotten dressed. They know she didn’t just show up for work unclothed. And she probably had something to eat, too.
Okay, let’s say we’re spanning two days. We have one event that happens in the early evening (say Lulu finds a clue), then we have something that happens the next afternoon (a suspect is taken in for questioning.)
So Lulu has made a major discovery pertaining to the case. It’s a clue…or maybe a red herring, we don’t know yet. This is a very exciting development for the case. But I’m going to water down that exciting moment if I suddenly go into documentary mode and follow Lulu home, have Lulu turn in, have some time-filling stuff going on all the next morning, lunch, and early afternoon. I’ve just killed my exciting moment.
Instead, I’ll have Lulu’s world rocked. She’s discovered a clue—and it points to the guilt of someone close to her. Lulu’s stomach knots up. End of scene.
How do I transition to the next scene, nearly twenty-four hours later? Very simply: The next afternoon, Lulu was cleaning up after the lunch rush when two police officers strode into the restaurant.
That’s all there is to it. The reader doesn’t even really notice that time lapse…it’s as innocuous as using ‘said’ to tag conversation. Our brains just kind of register it and move on.
Right now, looking at my first draft, my characters are doing all kinds of monotonous stuff. I think, for me, it’s the writing equivalent of using ‘uh’ and ‘um’ in conversation. They’re just cleaning up, dressing, sleeping, and eating while I figure out what to do with them next.
But once I’m in second draft mode, their nonsense is all edited out. With 75,000 words, I don’t have time to waste.
Sometimes the extra bits can add to the character but mostly they just fill space. I think it is important to ask whether the action brings any new information to the reader about the character and if not it is time to kill it.
Thanks for an interesting post.
I’m just finishing that first draft – I’ll definitely keep an eye out for this when I’m revising :)
I know what you mean about the innate desire to be with our characters 24/7. I think the hardest words to write can be “Later that afternoon.” It caused me great pain the first time I realized the story would work just fine when I said, “by Friday …” and recapped an entire WEEK in the scene.
Those critical editing words: Does it advance the plot?
Love the analogy: “…for me, it’s the writing equivalent of using ‘uh’ and ‘um’ in conversation.” I agree! And, it’s also easier to edit out on the second (or third) read. Thanks!
Great post with information I will use.
so very helpful, elizabeth, if I ever get back to writing.
Karen
The extras are the things I tend to skim in a book. So I totally agree that we need to eliminate them in our writing! Great post!
“The next afternoon,…” is a wonderful device. Almost transparent and so, so useful for transitions.
Thanks for the link!
Interesting post. We do sometimes get bogged down with the very minor details that aren’t needed. You make it flow so easily.
My characters love being boring. It’s something I’m learning to “beat” out of them. :0)
With you all the way on this one. As an editor, and also during my own self-editing, one of my main goals is to “cut the fat” and get to the meat of the story. Stephen King talks about this in “On Writing” also. He says his self-editing reduces a ms by a minimum of 10% – and if HE still finds that much fat in HIS ms’s, imagine how much a beginning author can.
Marvin D Wilson
You’re right, this is unfortuanately something we learn as we go. My books gradually became shorter as I learned…
Oh, yes. I find this liberating. I bore myself when I’m writing the little day to day details, so tend to skip to the action anyway. It’s so much more fun to write!
Loved the analogy of first drafts being like saying ah and uhm while speaking.
When I write my first draft, I do what Alan Orloff suggests but I usually write bare-bone stuff. IN my subsequent edits I’m usually adding stuff like extra descriptions. Maybe I work backwards.
ann
Your posts really have excellent writing tips. This reminds me of one I read recently where every sentence must have a purpose for being included. Why would we write about putting on shoes if it doesn’t add anything?
I like learning here.
~ Wendy
Yeah, my characters spend too much time wandering off and doing this too. I wonder if it’s an unintended consequence of all that advice about how we’re supposed to know what they have for breakfast and what shoes they’d wear?
Cassandra–A very important question to ask…good point!
Jemi–Good luck with it.
Marvin–It’s hard to imagine that King has that much to cut out! His books are usually really long…but no excess verbiage that I’ve noticed.
Terry–It’s painful, isn’t it? We can lower our word count a ton by cutting that stuff out.
Diane–It does take a lot of words out, doesn’t it?
Simon–Action is definitely more fun to write. Boring stuff is what WE do, not what our characters do!
Anonymous–Thanks for coming by. I try not to edit during the first draft…it really slows me down!
Ann–Sounds like your editing process would be an easy one!
Wendy–I hear that sometimes, too. And it’s really true…there’s just no space in a book for any bloat. I read older books sometimes and am amazed what editors let stay in there. Not any more! :) And thanks for the nice words about my blog.
Teresa–Thanks!
This is a great post and so timely for me, thanks!
As an editor I see this problem a lot with new writers. They think they need to tell every mundane detail. Thanks for the examples.
Helen
Straight From Hel
I hope I’ve eliminated most of the boring, detail stuff. Of course, I’m not a detail person, so maybe that worked in my favor!
I do the same, I think. I don’t think it is unneccesary when I write all that stuff the first time because I’m building the story in my mind and I might furnish something that seems like ‘fat’ but is actually very important protein to the story. I’m just not sure what is happening first time out so I include it all.
If you get a chance to visit my blog today, there is something special there for you.
I have the tendency to write lots of mundane scenes in my first draft, too. Though I usually cut them out, I do find once in a while, one can be developed into an important part of the plot.
I bought ‘Pretty Is…’ using amazon kindle today. I hope you get money from my download.
ann
Carolyn–Hope it helps. :)
Helen–I think it comes naturally to have the characters just meander around and we have to *think* when it’s time to cut it out.
Alex–You probably don’t have a lot of extraneous stuff, then. Which makes it easy during edits!
Jan–I know just what you mean! Sometimes the characters sort of shuffle their feet and piddle along while I figure out what they need to do next.
Karen–I hope you’ll be able to soon. It’s easy to miss it, isn’t it?
Jane–You’re right about that–if we can turn it into something interesting, it’ll work out fine.
Jody–Thanks!
Ann–Thanks so much! Yes, the royalties will trickle down to me at some point…thanks! :)
Alan–I don’t think I even notice time passing when I read that. It’s pretty seamless.
Mason–I think it’s easy to treat the characters’ activities like a journal instead of a novel. :)
Kristen–We have to be tough on those guys! :)
I think all you’ve said is true. Our readers help by innately understanding the convention and agreeing to ride along. As a reader, I do. Not a conscious thing, as you said, I just allow the author to take me where and when he or she sees fit on the timeline. Seems to work.
Best Wishes Galen.
Imagineering Fiction Blog
Galen–I don’t keep track of days well, anyway. ;) On paper OR in real life!
Janel–Thanks! :)
hampshireflyer–I hadn’t thought of that! I bet you’re right. All those worksheets we fill out minutiae about the characters. :)
Maryann–Thanks so much! :)
Oh thank goodness I’m not the only one who does this..I was like “how boring is this.. I’m just waking up and reading and telling people about my character’s day… ugh I’m going nowhere” but this post made me realize that it’s actually necessary and not to fret so much when writing them, in the first draft… I’m glad others have the experience of cutting this out when going 2nd and 3rd times around, it gives me confidence!!!
Danica–My characters are VERY forceful about doing boring things during the first draft. :) I have tons of rotten scene transitions in my drafts. At least it’s a problem that’s easy to fix!
I was doing too much of that getting in the car, walking here to there stiff too in the first draft of my first manuscript. In my second manuscript I loved keeping the pace up and jumping from one crucial bit to the next. I think I might have overdone the energy. Now, like with The Three Bears, I may have found the right temperature of porridge:)
Har! I’m in first draft mode, and my characters are ‘um-uh-ing’ through every scene!
Great post. How true that it can ba compared to using ‘said’ – the mind does indeed trip over daily activities left unsaid.
Corra
from the desk of a writer
I greatly appreciate that you mentioned that we can allow our characters to drone on or listen to their inner muse in the first draft…I think this helps us not to get stuck in the first draft and to simply get through it….I’m in the midst of just that right now and reminded myself not to edit, just finish the first draft first.
Great point. Sometimes its a fine line between the character deciding what to do next and the author pulling their story weaving together. It helps to let the characters have their own way on the first draft – sometimes you catch a glimpse of something you never realized about that particular character, too!
Corra–It’s so easy to have them just walking around doing mundane things while we’re figuring out what direction to take them in!
Lorel–Always great when it’s just right! :)
Suzanne–I think it’s always great just to get through that first draft. Otherwise, the editing really slows me down!
Nancy–That’s true. Always nice to find out what makes them tick and the kinds of things they do when they think I’m not paying attention!
It works the same with describing what a character may look like. Once you have that established there is no need to repeatedly point out the color of eyes, hair, or clothing. Unless it’s a definite deviation from the norm.
I think sometimes a writer may worry – just because they have a general idea what’s going on with a character, their readers might not. I know I’ve been guilty of this. Most of the time rereading over material, points to places I’ve overexplained myself. (Hugs)Indigo
Thank you for the great post! I often fall prey to over-descriptions, which tend to bog down the pace. While some extra bits can definitely add definition to the characters, but I’m sure the same information can be conveyed through the scens that *are* essential. :>