by Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
The other mothers at the stables assured me that the day would come (probably sooner than later) when my daughter was going to come flying off her horse.
Naturally, I assumed it would be later. :)
So when I picked up my daughter at horse camp a few weeks ago and saw that she was completely covered from head to toe in red clay (which is what passes for soil in many parts of the Deep South), I knew she’d been thrown.
The camp counselors were full of hurried explanations about a bucking horse and a stirrup that came off and the horse’s general disposition and youth. I listened a little, but mostly looked my daughter over. She was beaming. “I’m fine!” she said.
Well, apparently she hadn’t really been fine at first. There was a time when she’d lost the reins and clutched the horse’s mane in terror trying to hang on for dear life before flying off onto her head. Toby apparently hadn’t wanted to jump, and he hadn’t.
The counselor let her catch her breath and dust herself off. She’d also let the bucking horse gallop around the ring a few times to calm himself down. Then the counselor had my daughter climb back on the horse….not to jump, but to remind the horse that she was in charge. She also wanted to ensure that my daughter wouldn’t be scared to get on a horse again.
My daughter made up with Toby and even chose to ride the horse during her birthday party a week later.
Although I can’t say I was excited about her getting back on a horse that was misbehaving, I think it’s a smart way to deal with being thrown. It’s also a good policy for writers to adopt.
Situations where we might fall off the horse:
Querying
Getting rejected by agents.
Getting back on the horse:
Increasing scope of our queries (keeping them targeted.)
Rewriting our query.
Considering direct submission to publishers (carefully targeted).
Exploring self-publishing.
Writing another book.
Reviews (by readers, bloggers, professional reviewers)
Receiving poor reviews for our book.
Getting back on the horse:
Taking an analytical view of the reviews to see if there’s anything we can improve for our next book.
Working on our next book.
Reminding ourselves why we’re writing to begin with.
Sales
Sales fail to meet our expectations or our publisher’s.
Getting back on the horse:
Working on the next book.
Considering a pen name if querying other traditional publishers.
It’s interesting to me how many remedies come down to working on our next book. I know how exhausting that can seem when you’ve poured so much time and effort into finishing, revising, querying, and promoting a book. But really, it’s the only way to improve and have a better chance at success in this business. And it’s the only way not to feel overly-invested in one book.
How do you dust yourself off after a set-back?
This is a GREAT post, and something I’m a strict adherent to after learning it first in the arena (like your daughter), and now on the laptop (as you’ve described here).
For me personally, the biggest help for getting back on the horse is not trying to talk myself out of those immediately difficult emotions. I feel them. Identify them. Express them. Then I dust myself off.
The best way to feel positively about negative imput is to take something from it that makes my future work (or current, if it’s a querying issue) better. Then I feel like what that person said is no longer true, and hopefully won’t be said of me again.
I’m so glad your daughter was okay in the end. I’ve been riding a couple of times, only light hacks, and I know it would definitely rattle me to be thrown.
I had a situation come up about a week ago, which I’ll be talking about on my blog tomorrow, where I found out I needed to re-write my latest novel. It was a daunting prospect but I dove into working out how I could improve it and now I’ve completely changed how my series is going to happen. The best part is I’m even more excited about it now!
Elizabeth – So glad your daughter was OK, if covered in mud. I used to ride quite a lot as a kid and got thrown off once. Not fun. As to writing setbacks? Earlier this year, my main computer hard drive died, taking it with it the novel I was writing. It set me back two months as I had to start from scratch. But I started it all over again and this second version is actually lots better. Sometimes you have to just begin again.
So glad your daughter is okay, Elizabeth. That would spook me so much. And this analogy to getting back on the horse works so well. Me, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other after a setback. That’s after I have my hissy fit, of course, and then my pity party.
Karen
First, I apologize for the rather odd formatting for this post! It was even worse before I tinkered with it, but it’s not fixed now, for sure. Blogger and I have not been getting along lately!
Aimee–Great point! Acknowledging the emotions is tough sometimes, but essential to the process. For me, I’m usually feeling hurt until the more analytical side of me takes over. Maybe we can even use those emotions in our writing and have them help us out. Getting a positive from a negative (lemonade from lemons) is a bonus and keeps us from dreading the next time we have a set-back (which, of course, will happen!)
Paul–Me too. I can’t even imagine what it was like, and I’m actually glad I wasn’t there because I wouldn’t have wanted to see it.
Rewriting a novel is a set-back, for sure! But only an immediate set-back, if it’s attacked like you have. The fact that the book is so much better afterwards is a reward in itself. I had to do that for one of mine and it was painful at first, but easier as the results became apparent.
I have a little note that I sometimes pin to the wall: “Keep your eyes on the prize.”
The trick, of course, is defining the “prize.”
I think that, because so much happens after we write, we lose track of the fact that the prize is a whole career — which means, in essence, your whole body of work. A whole mature body of work is much easier for the world to find and sink its teeth into than the fly-by-night pleasure of a single story.
AND… your body of work is the ONLY thing that is in your control. Setting your eyes on something you don’t control is setting yourself up for that fall.
When overcoming his reluctance to get “back on the horse,” Robert Benchley put it this way, “I sit at the typewriter and curse a little bit.” Notice that the first thing he does is sit at the typewriter.
They all involve working on the next book!
None of those things are failure unless we quit trying.
I’m constantly having to remind myself why I’m in this. It helps. And most of the time it works.
Great encouragement today!
~ Wendy
Excellent suggestions. I think I’ve done them all. Sometimes I have to take a short break – anywhere from five minutes for a stinging rejection to a day or two for something more disconcerting. But writing the next book or getting back to my WIP is always the best cure.
I know I would freak – at least on the inside – if my child had been thrown from a horse. You did good!
Man–I love it! The sitting is instrumental (and maybe the cursing is, too.) :)
Alex–It’s the quitting that kills the writing career, isn’t it?
Margot–Ohhh….so sorry about your hard drive! That would be incredibly upsetting. But wouldn’t you love to see that original draft next to what you’ve rewritten? I bet your brain automatically edited as you wrote it all again.
Wendy–Because we love it! It’s good to remind ourselves on those days when we don’t. :)
Karen–I think the hissy and the pity party are all natural parts of the process! We put so much effort into our work and our life that it’s tough to face a setback.
Camille: Keeping focused! I like the fact you have a note to help you stay that way.
Such a good point. When we’ve got a good-sized library of work we’ve authored, then we’re a lot more easily discovered by readers…and we tend not to worry as much about small set-backs because we have a solid career.
Good reality check! Yes, we’re in control of the product, but not (frequently) the packaging. If it’s out of our control, we can’t sweat it.
This has been a very negative week, and it’s only half over. I am doing everything I can to get ‘back on the horse’. Thanks for the post — we all need reminders when it’s gets rough!
Failures are hard to come by but I like Edison’s quote. He said he didn’t fail at making a light bulb 100 times. He just found 99 ways not to make a light bulb.
Your book, Quilt or Innocence, is reviewed in The Washington Post, along with other cozies, today. Good for you!
Yolanda–Hope it gets better! Know that we’ve all been there.
Carol–Working on the new WIP is always so distracting. I think I’m almost living inside the little planet of the book–nice way to keep from thinking about the other issues.
Inside, I was freaking out. Thank goodness she was okay. And of course, now she’s jumping more than ever…sigh. I’ve got to stop being a scaredy-cat!
Maurice–Now that’s a positive way of looking at it!
Shirley–Thanks so much for the heads-up! I’m very surprised (and pleased!) that the Post featured some cozies…and stunned they mentioned mine! The other books are on my TBR list now. :)
This is an excellent post and another reminder that I really have to sit my butt down and work on my second novel. Thank you. :)
Elizabeth:
FABULOUS post! Even those of us who’ve been writing for years need these sorts of reminders. Thank you so much.
(It just so happens that I started a new novel this week — it’s a little out of my comfort zone, so I’m encouraged to — get back on the horse, by golly!)
Jody
Dina–Thanks! And good luck with it.
Jody–Get back on that horse! :) And pushing our boundaries is a great way to grow.
I’m so glad your daughter is ok! Holy smokes. I can only imagine how worried you were.
I’m in the “don’t know how to fix it” stage, so I’m working things out in my head right now. I will get it fixed and then move on to the next stage :)
Julie–I’ve been in that stage before, too! Not one of the most enjoyable. :) You’ll get through it, though!
You’re so brave letting her get back on that horse! I would have freaked out! Lol! But you’re right. We never learn if we give up every time things get difficult. We just have try again. Sounds like you have a great girl. :)