It was a great Thanksgiving. Our family enjoyed a trip to South Carolina to visit my parents.
My sister stayed in the Charlotte area to have dinner with her husband’s family there. I’ll be catching up with her in a couple of days.
My sister and I, although we get along really well together, are absolutely nothing alike.
I’m very introverted; she’s very extroverted. She chose a job in the financial sector where she deals with numbers daily. I chose to work with words, instead. She claims she has no creativity at all; I got more than my fair share. She is extremely coordinated and was a serious ballet and modern dancer in college. I have a hard time walking and chewing gum at the same time and staircases remain a major challenge for me.
Most of those things are just genetic flukes. But there are definitely some behavioral differences that I believe result from the fact that I’m first-born and she’s second.
Birth order has always interested me. I read a book on it a few years ago and was surprised at some of the book’s claims. It stated that we frequently befriend people who share our birth order—we may not know their birth order, but we’re attracted to our common traits.
But, stated the book, we usually marry partners who don’t share our birth order. Opposites can attract, when it comes to romance.
I thought it was a load of hooey—but it just so happens that all my closest friends are first borns. My husband is a second-born.
I’m always interested in gaining a little insight into my characters or making them stronger. Birth order isn’t something I mention in my books, but the traits can be useful when inventing characters and studying personality traits.
(Oh, am I stirring up trouble! Now y’all….there are exceptions. And this isn’t necessarily scientific. But here goes. This is from the British paper, The Guardian.):
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Oldest children
Typically responsible, confident and conscientious, they are more likely to mirror their parents’ beliefs and attitudes, and often choose to spend more time with adults. Oldest children are often natural leaders, and their role at work may reflect this.
Because they are more likely to have authority over younger siblings, or take on the role of surrogate parent, they have a tendency to be bossy and want things to be done their way. Oldest children can be perfectionists and worriers, and may put pressure on themselves to succeed.
Middle children
Likely to be adaptable, diplomatic and good at bringing people together, middle children are often popular and patient. However, because their role in the family changes from youngest to middle, it is thought that they often struggle to establish a clear role for themselves, and many go through a period of rebellion.
Middle children can be competitive: they do not have the time on their own with their parents that oldest children enjoy, and their role as the baby of the family is supplanted, so they have to find other ways of getting their parents’ attention.
Youngest children
Charming, impulsive and good at getting their own way, the youngest child’s role as baby of the family means that he or she is likely to be indulged. This may mean fewer responsibilities and more opportunities for fun, but youngest children often find that they aren’t taken as seriously or given the independence they crave. Youngest children often rebel as a way of distinguishing themselves from older brothers and sisters. They are more likely to take risks, and often choose a career that is different from other members of their family.
Only children
Only children enjoy the same parental attention as first-borns and are often confident, conscientious and socially mature, due to the amount of time they spend in a largely adult world. They may have a tendency to assume that others know how they are feeling, or think the same way as they do, without question. They may be dependent on their parents for longer than other children, spending more time at home and delaying decisions about their future.
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These results, obviously, change in very large families, or if there is a large gap between children.
I will say that a lot of the above is related to family dynamics and how the parents treat each individual child.
But it’s interesting. And, for me, it’s fun to find perspectives on what motivates and drives my characters.
On a separate note, please pop over and see my fun interview at the Book Resort today. Thanks!
Elizabeth – Birth order is interesting, actually, and thanks for sharing that Guardian article. I think that many, many factors go into shaping our personalities (and those of our characters). Humans are so complex that our personalities simply can’t be explained by one factor. There’s no reason birth order can’t be one of those factors. I also think it’s probably very valuable to think about where our characters’ personanlities come from…
I’ve always found birth order interesting as well. My family follows a lot of the typical traits, but there are definite diversions as well.
My characters kind of follow the traits as well. More proof for me that our subconscious is pretty darn smart :)
Elizabeth, I have read a lot about birth order; it interests me. My baby sister and I are total opposites. And most of my friends are first borns or onlys.
I can see the how birth order has its influence. We are complicated we humans…or are we?
Since I am an only child, I have always wished to have some siblings and been curious about what kind of feeling it is.
So thanks for posting this.
Keep well…
Elizabeth, I love this stuff! Like Marvin, I wouldn’t have thought you an introvert. But the energized or exhausted after social events is apparently a good clue. I’m youngest child all the way and conformed closely to the characteristics listed. To throw a spanner/wrench in the works I have to put forward the example of my boy/girl twins. Girl is the typical first child and boy is absolute youngest child in behaviour and attitude. Interesting ideas, particularly for character development in mysteries. Thanks for this!
I’m older of 2; hubby is eldest of 4. We have twins — and characteristics don’t necessarily follow their birth order — our second-born would technically be a ‘youngest’ but she’s more of a middle child.
I definitely consider sibs when I create characters, but don’t think too much about birth order. They do seem to ‘fit’ once I’m done, though.
This is so, so true. I’m the oldest child of three and that paragraph describes me perfectly. I got to thinking about it and almost all of my friends are oldest children too! The last three guys I have dated are either second born or last born. Interesting!
Wow, that article pegged my family to a tee. I’m the dreaded middle child. And I married a first born. You got me on both counts. :) Thanks for sharing…it was very interesting to read!
I found your blog via Twitter. I’ve always been interested in birth order too. I am the oldest of three girls and these descriptions are spot on for each of us. I got the bossy, creative, perfectionist traits down-pat! :)
It is a great idea to keep birth order in mind when developing our characters. Thanks for a thought-provoking post.
Yeah, someone else who has studied the birth orders! I was fascinated to discover they line up with the four basic personalities, too.
And it’s funny how it works out. My husband is the youngest, but has only-child traits – I am an only, but my traits are youngest and only.
I would’ve never guessed you to be an introvert. Really. Good observations here, I am an “oldest” child and of my three kids I noticed many of the same differences in them from oldest to middle to youngest as there were between me and my brothers growing up. Well, actually still today, lol.
Marvin D Wilson
Margot–You’re absolutely right about our complexity and the number of variables that make us who we are. Fun to explore, isn’t it?
yağmur–One of my son’s friends is an only child. It’s interesting to see how much energy his parents put into that one child.
Jemi–My children seem to *generally* follow the model, too. It’s interesting to see. Your subconscious seems right on target!
Diane–Isn’t it funny? I’ve always been interested in the effect of birth order on children.
Journaling Woman–It was something I was tempted to dismiss when I first heard about it, but then there are so many examples that fall in line with their generalizations that it’s hard to ignore it.
Marvin–I can fake it pretty well for a little while, but then I’m sooo tired out! You should see me after a party. It’s interesting that you’ve seen the same traits with your brothers and with your own children.
VERY interesting, Elizabeth! I will say that I married someone in the SAME birth order, and I am mostly friends with people in DIFFERENT birth orders as my own — but then again, I like to be different!
I have never thought about birth order in my writing, but now I will. I realized my main character is an only child! So maybe that’s why I haven’t thought about it…
Michele
SouthernCityMysteries
Bobbi–Twins! That would make things interesting…in many ways! Lots of fun. I always thought it would be really cool to be a twin.
Terry–Wow..you and Bobbi both have twins! According to what I read about twins, they can exhibit any of the 3 major group traits.
Great post. I actually had birth order in mind when I wrote my last character. I never mention it in the book, but she’s the youngest, rebelling against her family but also trying to emulate her older brother, who she adores.
She wasn’t natural for me to write, as I’m the oldest in my family, but it made the character fresh and interesting to me.
Most of the predictions from birth order are eerily accurate. The whole opposites attract thing is true (my husband is the youngest), and I’m awful bossy :)
To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what the birth order is of the majority of my friends. My sisters and I had a defining moment years ago when I could clearly see our different personalities. There was an incident when we were all together and how we each reacted to it totally showed each personality.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Too funny in that I’m a first born. I love the study of temperaments by Tim LaHaye. His theory is along the line of Choleric=Leaders,aggressive,take charge;Sanguine=cheerfull,means well but has a short attention span;Melancholic=moody, low self esteme, usually your artists come from this group; and finally, Phlegmatic=easy going unless pushed, then becomes very stubborn, have to let them start and complete a project in their on time. Can be leaders if have to, good parents.
Great post, Elizabeth! As a middle child, the description certainly fits. It also fits my four children. Fascinating isn’t it! It also can help us develop our characters–thinking about the birth order.
http://www.sylviadickeysmithbooks.wordpress.com
I was the middle child. But, my brother was 8 years older, so he left when I was ten and I was the oldest sister for another eight years. I think I have many traits that older children have.
Birth order is fascinating. Great post, Elizabeth.
Julie–It is interesting…I think mostly because it gives us a different perspective on what subconsciously might be at work in our behavior. It’s pretty cool!
Stacy–I think middles have gotten a bad rap since Jan Brady, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” :) Looks like middles have lots of interesting traits.
Deanna–Thanks so much for coming by! It’s funny to read the traits when they apply to you, isn’t it? I feel like most of the first-born description fits me perfectly.
Helen–That must have been amazing. All those different approaches to the same issue! I have to wonder which sister’s approach worked best…
Michele–You’re swimming against the stream, there–good for you! As far as your character…lots of fodder with an only child! You could go stereotypical with it, or make the character fly in the face of it all, like you do.
Sylvia–Thanks so much for coming by! It would be interesting to see how birth order works in a larger family like yours.
Lorel–That’s the fun part of writing, isn’t it? Trying on different parts!
It really is kind of eerie. But I can see these things happening. I have treated my first-born differently, despite my best efforts!
Elizabeth–It sounds a lot like the age difference made you more like a first-born. Interesting!
Judy–That’s an interesting study. I’ll have to look up LaHaye’s results…thanks for the tip!