When I’m meeting people for the first time as a mom and a writer, I invariably get the question, “Aren’t your children just so proud of you?”
I don’t ever hesitate when answering. Yes, they are proud of me. Of course! I’m Mama. But the truth is, they’re not any prouder of me than they are of my husband (who is a computer engineer.)
There are times, though, when they find my insights and career more interesting:
When I go with them into the local bookstore and I answer to ‘Riley’ when an employee there calls out my pen name. (I always remind them when we go in that the bookstore employees call me by a different name.)
When my editor emails me the book covers.
When I get new promotional materials (bookmarks, etc.)
As a writer, I’m influencing them in some ways:
The other day my son mentioned that he might be interested in journalism, so I must be having some sort of influence! :) Although I had to blink at the journalism…not sure how that industry will be holding up in the future.
When they don’t enjoy a book, I always want to know why. They’re able to give a critical review of a book and where the writer went wrong (in their opinion.)
They see writing as a business as well as a form of expression. They realize how important it can be to a writer.
Because books are so important to me, I make sure to hook them up with good reads. When I hear of something I think they’ll be interested in, I get it. Although I take them to the library and bookstore to encourage them to find books, I spend a lot of time making a targeted search for the kinds of books I think they’ll enjoy—I want them to find a treasure (which means they’ll continue being eager to read.) I don’t leave finding books up to them—and because I’m plugged into the industry, I’m finding some amazing books for them.
Where they get it wrong:
Because I know so many writers, they think I know all the writers. They’ll hold up their current books and ask if I know the author. Funnily enough, a couple of times I have. Which just goes to show how amazing social media is. Of course, though, 9 times out of 10 I have no idea who the writer is.
Summing up:
I think it again just proves the point that when we’re writing a book, we definitely need to be writing for ourselves and our readers. Family loves us no matter what—but may not love our writing quite as much as we do!
What does your family think about your writing? Are they supportive? Enthusiastic? Interested? Ambivalent? Does the fact you’re writing change the way they look at books and reading? Who are you writing for?
Elizabeth – What a fascinating post! Hmmm.. well, I am very, very lucky in that my family is very supportive of what I do. In fact, my husband and daughter were the ones who first encouraged me to write. They’ve gone to readings/signings with me, etc… That said, though, where they get it wrong, so to speak, at times is in the day-to-day grinding work it takes to write. I think it’s hard to appreciate just how much work writing takes if you don’t do it. And most of the day-to-day stuff isn’t nearly as interesting as going to bookstores, signings, that sort of thing.
My family is supportive (by which I mean my parents, I don’t have kids or a partner) but only insofar as they know I will write regardless of what they think about it. My mum is proud that I have finally found a career that really drives me. I think everyone else is just waiting to see how much I earn before they decide how proud they are of me!
My family is very supportive, in all respects. Sometimes they seem to get more excited than I do (which is kinda nice). They even give me “reviews.” Here’s what my 12-year-old said about one of my books: “No offense, Dad, but that book is way too good to have been written by you.”
Aww, I know they are proud of you!
My family is very supportive and they love everything I do. This brings up a crucial point. They are reading my writing with love for me, not love for the story, so their eyes are not wide open.
But, I am blessed with a family who encourages doing what you love.
My family is incredibly supportive, though sometimes I think some of them greatly overestimate the royalties that a first-time author can expect to see.
I’m thrilled that my child will grow up knowing their dad is a writer. Not for the ego thing, but because I want them to grow up seeing that, with work and determination, you can have a dream and make it come true.
An interesting post. I’ve never thought of this side of writing because my family is not very interested in my writing career.
Chemical Fusion
My family is supportive of me, incredibly so, but my hubby and my son have not read my memoir, for different reasons. I’m totally okay with that.
Karen
My family is supportive, but rather blasé. ‘Course, both my kids are grown and have much more interesting jobs than me – at least I think so. Probably because I’ve been writing since … forever, but could not do their jobs.
My family is very supportive, although my mom has never read my book. (She doesn’t like science fiction.) I wrote my second book for my fans, but I enjoyed writing it as well.
My kids hit a stage where they are interested and then lose interest. I think if I were to publish then they’d talk more about it. But I do see them writing sometimes. And I love talking to them about books they like or don’t like.
Great post! My husband is very supportive, in a sort of vague sense–he encourages me but really doesn’t know much about what I actually do :) Still–having family behind you for whatever you do is incredibly important!
Great question!
I do write for me. My husband is my polar opposite so he isn’t all that interested, and while my kids are fascinated they are too young to understand all that goes into it.
I only hope I’m modeling determination in all this. ;)
~ Wendy
My husband is very supportive of my writing. No kids (yet). My sister and father know I write – and they are supportive as best they know how – but no one else knows. My sister quit her job to go back to school for photography and I think my choice to pursue writing full time influenced her decision.
I’m glad your family is so supportive. And I can understand why journalism gave you pause, but at least your son understands and respects the field. I’m not sure what the world is going to do without journalism standards…
My family is wonderful about my writing life, but they don’t always enjoy every book I write. Reading aloud is one of the steps in my editing process so they get to hear it and give feedback. Every book isn’t for everyone, that’s for sure! LOL! It has changed the way they look at books, for sure.
Yes, my children are proud of me, but they are grown-up so they also know the reality of how little I have sold yet ;)
And when the local tv-station contacted me because I had self-published a couple of flash fiction stories, my older daughter thought it was absolutely hilarious (and she was absolutely right, but don´t tell anyone).
Paul–It’s a great way to show them how to move forward each day to a big goal!
Enid–You are definitely not alone! I’ve run into many writers in the same boat.
Helen–The grass is always greener! At least you can do lots of things…edit, write, be a mermaid… :)
Margot–Yes, most of writing is very quiet and uninteresting to everyone but the writer!
Alex–That’s what I’ve found, too–I’m writing something genre-specific that not everyone in the family is interested in reading.
Anne-Mhairi Simpson–There is definitely the money aspect that comes into play. Which is funny, because we really don’t make any money in this business! Maybe if we self-publish we would. But not going through the traditional route.
Laura–I think, for my kids, I’ve just been writing for so long that they don’t even think of it as anything remarkable. My daughter can’t even remember a time when I didn’t have a book out (she was 4 when my first one released.)
Rowenna–That’s the way my husband is with me. Sort of understands what I’m doing. Happy to help me brainstorm, if I need it. But supportive in other ways.
Alan–Ha! A backhanded compliment, there. :)
Wendy–I know what you mean! There are definitely other ways for family to be supportive and encouraging–and frequently those ways don’t involve reading our books. :) But you’re definitely modeling being determined! It will pay off.
Teresa–Exactly! That’s why I think family that lives with us is sometimes not the best choice for first readers. Although my mom is my 1st reader–but she’s moved past the point where she hesitates to be critical! LOL!
Karen–Having read your memoir, I can understand their decision not to…although I think it was a very inspiring read.
Bluestocking–I think it can’t be too easy living with an artist of any kind. Kudos to our families!
The phenomenon of the citizen journalist worries me. I worked in journalism (magazines) for a while and took classes that ensured I knew the importance of verifying sources, etc. I just wonder what’s going to happen if everyone decides they’re journalists.
Heather–That’s so true! I’ve read some critically acclaimed, award-winning books that have totally left me cold. It’s all just a matter of taste. :)
I’m so glad that now my daughters (ages 10 and 12) NOW understand what I’m doing. When they were little, and teachers (or whoever) asked what their mom does for a living, they would often say “She sits at the computer.” lol. They are both avid, independent readers and they love to write.
What a great post!
I would have to say that, yes, my family is very supportive of the writing, although they may not agree with content at times. I write Fantasy, and sometimes too much outer worldly things are a little crazy to take in, lol.
funny thing about families – they are as subjective as they come. My oldest son hasn’t read anything I’ve written but he doesn’t go all out to support me either – just takes it in passing> My daughter read the first story before it was in book form but right after i got my first contract and went, “Mama, that was good when will the second one be ready?” but hasn’t really supported me by being “proud” of the books in the three years since i’ve been published but she is coming around more so to the proud/promotional way of things. This might have to do with the fact that her friend who is two years ahead of her gets to come on events and help me out and she is a very big supporter of my Work (she’s like a second daughter to me anyway). My youngest son has read clues and even titled my 6th state story and indicated what would be good cover illustrations but hasn’t read a finished story and doesn’t really support me in the “proud” department either.
My writer friends and other friends are slowly coming around to being supporters and proud “associateS” – lol – but for the most part it’s about me being the proud parent and my biggest horn tooter – no one else wants to do that for me – E :)
Ma America, The Travelin’ Maven (Elysabeth Eldering)
Author of the JGDS, 50-state, mystery, trivia series
Where will the adventure take you next?
http://jgdsseries.blogspot.com
http://jgdsseries.weebly.com
My wife is a writer but in a different genre than myself and the daughters are quite supportive. One occasionally will write her own stories and then hand them to me for editing. This is fun for both of us and we tend to laugh about the oddities that inevitably show up (besides being great training).
The important thing is that we give our children the tools to think and succeed in life, no matter what that may be. Letting them in on what we do is one of the best ways to do this.
Thanks for a great post Elizabeth.
This such a cute blog, Elizabeth! I can just see your kids thinking you know all the writers.
One thing that struck me is that you are about the 14th female writer to tell me they were married to a computer engineer just in the last month. There’s got to be a correlation there. That’s just eery.
We all say we married Spock, our organizer, the best proofer in the world. I think the reality is that most of the computer guys I meet (who talk to people) make wonderful husbands. But then I’m biased. :-)
I guess I should make clear that we all didn’t marry in the last month…just that I’ve heard about it then. (I gotta get some sleep!)
Bon–Maybe if they could pick our genre, they’d feel more interested! Ha!
Dorte–But that is REALLY cool! And sort of scary, at the same time! Glad it wasn’t me!
Mollie–That’s SO true. It’s why I try to tell them what I’m doing each day (I’m outlining, I’m revising, I’m brainstorming, I’m promoting, I’m trying to get people to friend me on Facebook…whatever it is.) Then they have some clue about what it is that I’m actually doing!
Elysabeth–I think there’s a novelty aspect involved, for children. After a while it just becomes ‘normal’ and ceases to be all that interesting! I’ve noticed that they like telling *new* friends that I’m a writer, though. So they’re aware that on *some* level it’s cool!
Right! We’ve got to just be excited for ourselves! Sometimes support at home and with friends will vary, but we always need to believe in what we’re doing.
Gene–I love it when our kids write! Both my kids are competent writers, but only my daughter finds it fun, I think.
Jenny–They sure do think it. I believe my son was convinced I knew James Patterson (ha!) And I know quite a few writers married to computer guys, too! I’ve found it very interesting. Maybe a right brain attraction to a left brain?
Ha! That would be even *more* eerie, if we all married in the last month!
My family doesn’t show a lot of interest in my writing but that may be because I’ve been reluctant to share it with them in the past. I know when I get an agent, though, they’ll all be proud of me. I’m looking forward to that day.