by Laura Dennis, @LauraDennisCA
Adoptees as ticking time bombs, “he’s
f—ed up because he’s adopted.” … There’s
more to it than that!
f—ed up because he’s adopted.” … There’s
more to it than that!
In last Thursday’s guest post, I wrote about problems
inherent in using adoption as a literary device in fiction. Today I’ll offer
solutions for creating nuanced adopted characters and plotlines.
inherent in using adoption as a literary device in fiction. Today I’ll offer
solutions for creating nuanced adopted characters and plotlines.
Before I get all writerly* and practical, it’s full-disclosure
time: I was adopted as an infant in a closed, private adoption.
time: I was adopted as an infant in a closed, private adoption.
Terminology
Within the adoption community, there’s ongoing
debate about nomenclature … Who cares
more about words than writers?
debate about nomenclature … Who cares
more about words than writers?
There’s the issue of who’s the “real” parent—the
one who raised the child, or the one who birthed her?
one who raised the child, or the one who birthed her?
Um … Both are real, this isn’t the Easter Bunny we’re talking about! They both exist. Attempting to “give credit where
credit is due” overlooks the reality that a birth mother is a mother, just one who didn’t raise her baby.
credit is due” overlooks the reality that a birth mother is a mother, just one who didn’t raise her baby.
There are alternative phrases such as first
and second parents, birth mom, biological mother and adoptive mom. Some adult
adoptees opt out and call everyone by their first names.
and second parents, birth mom, biological mother and adoptive mom. Some adult
adoptees opt out and call everyone by their first names.
On the other end of the spectrum is a woman I
read about recently who got pregnant as a result of being raped. She refers to
herself as the “maternal source” for that particular relinquished child (with
whom she wants no contact). She calls herself “mom” for the rest of her kids. Go
figure.
read about recently who got pregnant as a result of being raped. She refers to
herself as the “maternal source” for that particular relinquished child (with
whom she wants no contact). She calls herself “mom” for the rest of her kids. Go
figure.
With something as simple as terminology,
writers can add nuance to their characters’ personalities, address questions of
identity, and show change and growth.
writers can add nuance to their characters’ personalities, address questions of
identity, and show change and growth.
Writer Stacy
Clafin says that in her
upcoming YA novel, Deception, the main
character, Alexis, begins her journey frustrated with her adoptive parents,
longing for her birth parents. But she learns that she wouldn’t be the person
that she is without what each parent has given her.
Clafin says that in her
upcoming YA novel, Deception, the main
character, Alexis, begins her journey frustrated with her adoptive parents,
longing for her birth parents. But she learns that she wouldn’t be the person
that she is without what each parent has given her.
As a way of
distinguishing, Clafin says, “Alexis calls her adoptive parents ‘mom and dad’
and her birth parents ‘mother and father.’”
distinguishing, Clafin says, “Alexis calls her adoptive parents ‘mom and dad’
and her birth parents ‘mother and father.’”
Let’s get technical—literary
devices
Adoption can be used to great effect as a Chekhov’s gun, in which a
seemingly insignificant aspect of a character’s background becomes important
later on. In other words, the circumstances of the character’s adoption become
a plot twist, a “reveal.”
seemingly insignificant aspect of a character’s background becomes important
later on. In other words, the circumstances of the character’s adoption become
a plot twist, a “reveal.”
But it’s important to not use adoption as a
cop-out. For example, blogger and adoption activist Amanda
Woolston takes issue with Christian, the adopted Fifty Shades of Grey character
cop-out. For example, blogger and adoption activist Amanda
Woolston takes issue with Christian, the adopted Fifty Shades of Grey character
Portraying
adoptees and fostered adults as psychotic, making the only representation of an
original mother as the stereotypical “crack wh*re” … That’s not all
that “gray” to me.
adoptees and fostered adults as psychotic, making the only representation of an
original mother as the stereotypical “crack wh*re” … That’s not all
that “gray” to me.
For people who have experienced the
life-altering complications of adoption, such simple explanations are dues ex machina, an unsatisfying
way of resolving a story’s conflict.
life-altering complications of adoption, such simple explanations are dues ex machina, an unsatisfying
way of resolving a story’s conflict.
Truly, there are many interesting, creative
ways to write-in psychosis. Adoption doesn’t need to be the over-arching
explanation for a character’s mental issues. Have you ever written an adopted
character? What are your thoughts on adoption in fiction?
ways to write-in psychosis. Adoption doesn’t need to be the over-arching
explanation for a character’s mental issues. Have you ever written an adopted
character? What are your thoughts on adoption in fiction?
*
* * * *
Laura Dennis
was born and adopted in New Jersey, raised in Maryland. You can read more about
her adoption reunion and brief bout with insanity in Adopted Reality, A Memoir, now available in paperback and ebook.
was born and adopted in New Jersey, raised in Maryland. You can read more about
her adoption reunion and brief bout with insanity in Adopted Reality, A Memoir, now available in paperback and ebook.
November is NaBloPoMo, and we, the contributors at Lost Daughters,
are posting each day on a different adoption topic. It’s worth checking out.
are posting each day on a different adoption topic. It’s worth checking out.
* Yes, I know, writerly isn’t a word, but it
should be!
should be!
There’s also adoption by a stepparent. Or fostering for a time when the parent is unable to take care of the child. Or adoption by good folks because the parent’s unable to care for the child… Etc.
I’m a writer, and I do feature adoption in my writing—but since it’s fantasy, I worry less about the legal processes and such. One narrator couldn’t care for her kid, so she left the baby on the doorstep of a couple that she’d stalked and knew would take care of him. As I’m writing more of her, the adoption’s awkward, because as far as she’s concerned, the baby belongs to the adoptive parents, but folks keep assigning her to babysit the kid because she’s the birth mother. From what I’ve plotted into that future, that baby will end up a lot less messed-up than most of his biological relatives, even though he’ll grow up knowing them.
I have other examples of folks raised by someone other than their parents, some written, some planned. But I can’t think of any of them wherein the non-parental guardians necessarily produce messed-up results. I haven’t really done it consciously, but I have noticed that my characters’ biological relatives are more likely to be dysfunctional than non-biological ones.
*shrug*
Carradee,
Thanks for writing. You certainly have a variety of adoptive/foster/biological combinations in your work!
I would just encourage you to think about the birth mother … It’s always assumed that she “forgets” about her baby, that she “moves on with her life,” and even though you show that she’s asked to babysit, perhaps you could show her being a little more conflicted? Rather than just being annoyed that the adoptive parents want her to babysit. That bond is very, very deep. Losing that bond (with the birth mom), is usually the reason the adoptee has attachment issues/grief/loss growing up.
Also, it’s not necessarily something that the adoptive parent does or doesn’t do. It’s that the a-parents try to raise the child “as their own,” but they don’t acknowledge the child’s grief, the child’s identity before she was adopted.
Does this make any sense?
Laura
A lot of different ways to look at it. I guess the closest I came in my books was an uncle taking over the duties of caring for a teen girl when his brother was killed.
Laura–Thanks again for guesting here and giving us all some insights on writing about adoption. And I found your thoughts on word choice/terminology in regard to adoption very interesting, too.
The main character in an still-unpublished mystery was abandoned and grew up in a group home. He’s fairly well-balanced, actually. His birth parents have no part in the story. If I sell the book, I may deal with that in a sequel.
In the fantasy trilogy I have coming out soon, the main character is a foundling raised by a couple in place of their own dead child. She’s a little messed up, because she remembers life before them, but they insist she dreamed all that. Not psychotic, just a little messed up. :)
Marian Allen
Fantasies, mysteries, comedies, recipes
I’ve never written a character who was adopted. I guess it’s because I have no experience first hand or second hand. I’m not saying I couldn’t or wouldn’t, but if I did, I’d need to do a lot of research.
I beg to differ, “writerly” is indeed a word. I read it right here on your blog.
In my first novel, “Sara’s Search,” the main character is adopted and knows it, but none of the details, which her adoptive mother will not share with her. A major part of the book is about her finding out a lot of information. Even though her adoptive mother is not outwardly loving or expressive, Sara grows up fine–she’s one of the most balanced characters in the book. LOL (Her adoptive father was a very good parent.) But I have a friend who was in the foster system, then adopted and abused by her adoptive mother who told me my character wasn’t realistic. I think that’s because my friend’s experiences were so difficult, but naturally it worried me a little when she said that. I’ll always wonder how other adoptees think about Sara. Of course, I’ve read dozens of books with adopted characters and some scientific literature, as well. I guess it just proves you can’t satisfy everyone.
Hi Elizabeth and Laura – very interesting and I’d like to get your memoir in due course ..
Loved reading the comments too – there are so many facets to being a child … because so often we become attached to the person looking after us … no relation of any sort …
It will definitely add to the story line mix … great guest post – cheers Hilary
Hi Marian,
This idea for your fantasy trilogy of the adoptive parents denying the child’s past, insisting it was a dream … super interesting. I would say that that would definitely mess someone up! Perhaps not to the point of psychosis, but definitely close. Then there’s the dead child, and all of the emotional ramifications of “replacement.”
Thanks for writing!
Laura
Jan,
I like your idea to have Sara be one of the more ‘balanced’ characters in the book. I would say, from the adoptees I know, that those who are maintaining a level of normal — have done a lot of thinking, reflecting, processing in order to get to a place of balanced.
It might be interesting to show how or why Sara is able to be so “normal,” when her adoptive mom is secretive and cold. … To feel as if she was rejected by both her birth mom, and not deeply loved by her adoptive mom, that would create for some anxiety and potential attachment issues!
Laura
Hilary,
Yes, I agree — children will attach to the person caring for them. The problem with adoption is that the adoptive parents were/are encouraged to minimize the loss experience, just pretend the baby is theirs.
It’s the secrecy that can be so damaging! I’m glad you’re interested in Adopted Reality. For me, definitely, the secrecy of my closed adoption led me to look for my birth mother in crowds, to have this hole in my identity.
Thanks for commenting!
Laura