By Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
There’s an old Bugs Bunny cartoon called Hare Brush where a psychiatrist brainwashes Bugs to make him believe he’s Elmer Fudd. The line he brainwashes Bugs with is: I’m Elmer Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.
This isn’t the line I’ve brainwashed myself to know by heart. Mine goes: I’m a writer. I write murder mysteries. Yes, I do write under my own name and also as Riley Adams.
Repetition makes it easy. It’s practically muscle memory at this point. I don’t even have to think about it.
It wasn’t always that way. For years I said: I’m a stay-at-home mom.
This stopped rather abruptly years ago at social gatherings when various friends would interrupt me, frown ferociously, and announce to my new acquaintance, “No, she’s not! She’s a writer.”
I’m sure many of us have had the experience of telling someone we’re a writer. All the energy in a room gets sucked out by the declaration and then that energy seems completely directed at us. For someone who’d rather observe others and not be the focus, this isn’t fun.
Online, it’s no big deal. I’m a writer. At a conference, I’m very clearly a writer. I speak at libraries as a writer.
In the grocery store? At the PTA? At a party a friend is having? It took years to own up to being a writer in those settings.
Now I’m very smooth with the reveal. I give all the information up at once. Writing is what I do. This is the genre I write. I wait for the “do you write under your own name” question and immediately have a response for that, complete with a “it’s okay that you’ve never heard of me” sympathetic look.
I’ve even reached the point where I have my business cards actually on my person. That’s right. I’m ready for the great reveal at any time, complete with a professional card. Because my new friends will ask me to write my info down otherwise and although I carry many, many writing utensils with me at all times, on such occasions, the pens will be out of ink and the pencils will all have broken tips.
Then is that moment where they feel they need to offer to read my books. This is when I say they’re available at the library. Some of them. You can read one and see if you like them.
Practice makes perfect when it comes to talking about our writing. After my initial admission of writing, I’m frequently faced with offers of book club visits. Probably one in ten people that I meet in Charlotte, NC, either belongs to a book club or knows someone who is in a book club. These folks frequently feel compelled to have me talk. I’ve spoken at quite a few book clubs, but I’ve talked my way out of appearing at many more book clubs. My discomfort usually starts when they ask what themes my books have or what discussion questions my books may generate.
For years, I’d just avoid speaking to clubs that wanted me to dissect my books in a roundtable discussion. Let’s face it: the books aren’t lit fic. I’d politely decline and thank the person for their interest.
But now I’ve got a ready answer for groups that want me to discuss one of my books. Our conversation goes more like this: I write genre fiction that isn’t heavy in theme, but I’ve gained interesting insights on writing, mysteries, and the industry that I’d love to talk about.
This approach has made it easier for me to accept more invitations to speak. And it makes me a lot more relaxed when I’m there.
I don’t believe I’ll ever be 100% comfortable talking about my writing in a social setting. But heck—I won’t ever be 100% comfortable in a social setting, period.
Other ways I’ve let people in my community know I’m a writer (without telling them upfront):
- Shared new book cover designs on my personal Facebook account (although I rarely do this because I think my frequent releases could create Elizabeth-Fatigue online).
- Written occasional articles for local newspapers (very, very local newspapers…the kinds you pick up for free in local restaurants). I make sure my bio mentions my books and how I tie into the community.
- Talked in local schools when invited. The kids always tell their parents. I frequently know some of the parents.
- Indicated my career via my email signature. It’s automatically included on every email I send out, whether it’s to another writer or to my child’s teacher or the gymnastics coach or the neighborhood homeowner association. It’s just a hyperlink to my website and a link for my newsletter signup.
Then I just cross my fingers that word spreads and I don’t have to do too many more I’m-a-writer reveals at parties.
How do you handle talking about your writing in social settings? Is it hard for you to do, or easy?
Image: MorgueFile: xandert
Telling New Acquaintances We're Writers: Click To Tweet
Talk about my writing? Like you, it’s hard for me to do. I also paint professionally and that’s even harder! Thanks for sharing. And yes, your approach is similar to mine. Now even I have business cards in my pocket (something I never used to have!)
Claude–Oh gosh, I can imagine how being a painter would be worse. Then they want to *see* your work. Do you feel as if you have to have pictures of your paintings on your phone? That would be awful. At least with books they take a while to read. :)
I’ve never been solely a writer and although my plays have hit the boards (one being remounted for a July 1st open) I’m not published. I still identify as a writer though so I sometimes say “I write fiction and hope you’ll be able to say that you knew me before I became known and that you found me nice then and hope that I haven’t gotten big-feeling since!” Ha, no I don’t but I might. I love how you handle book club enquiries. Remember that most folk are just plain in awe about a published author. You rock Elizabeth!
Jan–Congrats on the July 1 opening night! That would be *so cool* to see your writing being acted out (although I know you’ve done this for a while!)
The book clubs have definitely been the hardest part….I think it took a year or two to prevent the horrified expression that would automatically show up on my face whenever someone asked me to speak at a book club. So much better to have a ready response and a business card.
And you’re so right–surprising to me how many people will say they’ve never met a writer before. I feel as if We are Legion. :)
Hope you have a great weekend!
I needed to read this today. I tend not to have a problem admitting I’m a writer, but I have been feeling a lack of confidence in my work. I’ve got my fifth novel due out in 5 weeks, and I’m almost done revising a book that I hope will land me a new publisher, and it’s all become really intimidating.
Paul–I know what you mean. Every single day I learn more about my craft and the business and each day that I learn more I realize how much I *don’t know* and it overwhelms me. I just try to take it one day at a time. And when I encounter a single problem (which happens several times a day…mental roadblock regarding business or social media, story block, etc.) then I try to brainstorm approaches. It’s tough. I think most of us are in the same boat. And half the time, we don’t reflect on how far we’ve come and what we’ve learned. You’ve got *5* books out! That’s really incredible. We need to remind ourselves of these successes.
Exactly. It’s all too easy to look at disappointing sales figures and forget that even getting a book published at all is a great achievement in itself.
Hi Elizabeth! Fab post. I have a hard time “owning up” as well, mostly because I’m self-pubbed and I get stuck on the follow-up question people have: “Can I find your book in the library, or at Barnes and Noble?” No, but you can find my books online, I say, and it always feels like an unsatisfactory answer. I do point out that you can go to a BN and have them order a print copy.
There’s no fix for the BN issue – they are never going to free up precious shelf space for a rival Amazon-pubbed book – but I’ve heard there’s a chance to get self-pubbed books into the local library. I’ve just been too busy writing to go down that rabbit hole. I keep telling myself I’ll look into it after I have a few more books written…
Kathy–Oh, I can help with this! Library Journal has a new (and free) initiative for getting self-pubbed books (curated by them) into public US libraries. I’ve submitted my books. They’re getting around to mysteries so there’s sort of a queue. More info here:http://thoughtcatalog.com/porter-anderson/2015/03/at-pubsense-in-charleston-checking-out-indies-ebooks-with-self-e/ and here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/porter-anderson/2015/05/may-the-best-self-e-win-library-journal-ups-the-ante/ . I was quoted in the second article, but I’m not receiving any form of renumeration for this. :)
That’s awesome, Elizabeth – thanks!
Thanks, Elizabeth, for sharing the way you’ve spread the word locally about your books. I think it can be a little awkward to start. Still, the more we tell people, the more our name gets around. It’s one thing (and important!) to have a solid social media and online presence. But for a lot of people, nothing beats the face-to-face conversation. And who knows where it can lead.
Margot–It’s so, so awkward. But I’ve found that (despite my huge discomfort with the whole thing) that they tell their friends and it leads to speaking opportunities (some paid) and sales. Word of mouth is a good thing…it’s just hard when we’re so introverted.
Social settings?? Thank goodness for the internet because I don’t do social settings very well. Or at all. I do one-on-one pretty good, but yeah, telling people I’m a writer isn’t something I’m used to. I hid it for ten years – from everyone but my closest friends and family. I didn’t want the whole ‘where are you published?’ thing and then the sad looks when I said I wasn’t. Now that I am published, I feel a little more confident telling people I write, but it’s a slow road to being fully out there.
B.E.–I hid it for a while, too. After a couple of years, though, it *did* feel as if I was lying. I had that really uncomfortable feeling of not being completely up-front. So, for me, it got to the point where I had to figure out which was worse: basically lying over my career (which is, honestly, totally what I was doing, especially when I had so many books out) or feeling eyes on me and questions coming my way and my horror at being the center of attention in a social setting.
But…it still doesn’t make me happy to tell people! You’re right, though…much easier when we have a book out.
Excellent suggestions here, Elizabeth! I’ve heard of other writers using business cards; now it makes so much sense. Thanks.
Sue–I think a lot of people have them printed for conferences. That’s also a good idea, but it’s really more bang for my buck here in town. At a conference, everyone is so overloaded with paper that my card may get lost in the shuffle. Here in town, the card means that the person getting it will more than likely check out my website.
I haven’t really talked about it much lately. I just have gone under the radar, which is an unhealthy thing, really, because then people are surprised and actually a little disappointed that I hadn’t told them previously when I get around to actually telling them I’m a writer. I’m thankful that the local bookstore owner carries my books and one of my books is at the local library in the “local author” section. It helps to have a place to point people to, if they are curious. The hardest part is talking about genre and theme. I write speculative fiction, Christian fantasy, and writing books. I often get asked why I don’t write “local” books – as in about the community I live in – or I get asked about romance. I guess I should consider one or both of those in the future, although neither is my strong suit, it seems that there is a market for locally-based romance reads. :)
Tyrean–I’ve seen some of that, too…that people are almost hurt when they realize they’ve “known me” (just on a ‘saying hi’ basis…barely acquaintances) for a decade and I’ve never mentioned it. But I don’t remember who I’ve told and who I haven’t. I don’t bring my writing up at all if I’m not asked about what I do for a living (huge hurdle for me there). I do hate it when someone acts as if I’ve been keeping it a secret. But…do doctors or lawyers or teachers get this same reaction when someone doesn’t know their careers?
You’re so right that it’s nice to have some physical books floating around locally for people to read if they are curious. Although I’ve lately had many more ask me which book I recommend (another difficult question to answer), and then proceed to download it from their phones on the spot.
That’s so interesting that people ask you if you write local interest books! I can see where there might be a good market there.
As a performing musician, center stage is my favorite place in the world. But even I felt like a fraud when I started calling myself a writer.
Some of it, for other folks, is simply unease in social situations. That’s not gonna go away.
But much of it is the artist’s need for validation. “I’m not a real writer until I have a traditional deal or until I make my living at it or until I have X number of reviews.”
Posh. Piffle. Nonsense. Writer is what you are, not what you do. Own that, and it’ll go miles toward reducing the discomfort of having that conversation.
Joel–A very good point and a nice way of looking at it!
You’ve come up for some great, straightforward answers to these questions. In fact, I’m writing a few of them down–expecially love the library response to the offer to read your books.
I’m at the beginning of my career as a romance writer–already a genre with some social stigma–and after some very encouraging responses and careful consideration, I’ve decided to independently publish from the beginning–another decision with some residual stigma, especially outside the writer’s world. I’m not expecting immediate success, just planning to keep my head down and write for a while and see where this takes me.
But. Sigh. When I get questions, I still am left tongue-tied… and I’m normally pretty outgoing. What’s a good, short answer for the “have you found a publisher yet?” inquiry? It’s still only closer friends that know about my writing “hobby,” and it’s even hard to tell them about my publishing choice without launching into a long rationalization. Maybe, with more time, I’ll be more comfortable with owning my identity locally, but I think I need to think through my own “elevator responses” as well.
Rebecca–Oh, gosh, so often the reading public is *clueless* about the self-pub revolution and it really surprises me.
I say, “I’ve decided to go Direct to Kindle. There are better royalties for authors that way.” This amazes them. Unfortunately, it does tend to elicit more questions, but these are business-related questions that I’m more adept at handling. People seem to understand this better, though…I guess because of movies that went direct to DVD and the Indie movement eschewing music labels to go direct to iTunes.
Great wording, Elizabeth. Thanks.
“Have you found a publisher?”
“Not yet.”
Those who care will continue the conversation. Most, though, will be satisfied and move on.
Or, Plan B: smile enigmatically, and ask if they’ve tried the 7-layer dip, it’s absolutely to die for, darling.
:)
I like Plan B!
Very good post, Elizabeth! I’ve been traditionally published for twenty-five years in different genres: Vietnam War memoir; historical fiction, a “literary”-type novel, and am now writing a mystery series. From the beginning I’ve found it difficult to talk in front of groups, whether large or small. I can do okay at book-signings (when there’s more than just me involved), but otherwise I’m almost phobic about talking to the public. I’ve turned down many invitations over the years. I admire writers like you who can and do speak about their books and writing. I prefer to do so through guest blogs, interviews (in print), Q&A, etc. I’ve been featured in ITW’s “The Big Thrill” and found it an enjoyable experience. I simply cannot do live talks. How I wish I could, but I’m afraid it’s too late to teach this old dog new tricks. Wishing you continued success with your career, Michael.
Michael–Public speaking to *readers* has been very tough for me, too. I can speak with writers all day. I’m thinking about doing Toastmasters this summer for a bit of extra practice and to push my comfort zone a little. Believe me, I totally get what you’re saying.
I think your guest posts, interviews, and ITW article will definitely be more enduring than a short talk in front of a group, especially since it makes you very uncomfortable. Maybe you could expand just a touch and do some *recorded* talks? You could be interviewed for author podcasts, for instance. No one sees you, but they can hear you and you can link to it on your website. Then maybe you could do a recorded Google Plus type hangout or a recorded Skype talk. I’m soooo much more relaxed doing those types of “appearances” because I’m at home.
When someone asks me whether I’m a writer, I confess to being a little coy in my answer. Or maybe guilty of false modesty, I’m not sure which. I answer that I write. For no good reason, this seems more true and less “grand” than saying, yes, I’m a writer. If at some point I achieve any level of success, then I’ll be comfortable answering that I’m a writer. But not yet.
Barry–No, I think that’s a nice way of answering! Upfront and modest at the same time.
Funny how our wording is so important to us. I remember being at a party and my daughter (she must have been 10 at the time) “outed me” as a writer. Except she said, “Mom is an author.” I think that’s even worse to say than writer, somehow. I recall flinching… :)
I’ve used most of the strategies that you have mentioned as well. For many years I was ‘in the closet’. I wrote, but I didn’t publish. Now that I am publishing, it has taken real effort to be ‘up front’ about it at all times. I still work my day job, and when people ask me what I do, I am now striving to give both vocations equal weight in my answer.
PD–That’s got to be challenging but I’m so glad you’re giving both jobs equal billing. :) It’ll pay off in the long run.
Before I was published & working, I would say, “I birth babies by day, an kill people – just on paper – by night”. Now when I’m asked what I do, I say, “Before I retired, I was a L&D and NICU RN. Now I’m a published mystery writer under my own name.”
Love your blog!
Sue–And that great answer you’ve got has got to absolutely bowl them over! You can do science *and* art! How often does *that* happen? :)
Thanks for coming by, Sue!
I hate talking about myself period, lol. But, like you, I have family and friends who usually do the talking for me. It’s a bit different for me having NF writing guides rather than fiction, but it does amaze me how almost every conversation leads to someone telling me that either they write, or they have a friend who is an author. Our industry has grown so much. :)
I need to be better about my local area I think. It is so much easier online I find, to talk about myself and share what I am doing. I don’t know why I struggle to put myself put there in my home city.
Angela–I think,maybe, it’s just too close to home? Sometimes I feel like having people know I’m a writer locally means that I’m a writer even when I’m out being a Mom. (And does this even make sense?! But it’s how I feel).
I didn’t even tell me family for a long time. I would say things like: “I’m going to go in the study and do some typing….” Pitiful.
Family doesn’t necessarily count. My wife and daughter are my biggest fans.
My mother has never read one of my books all the way through. She has all 13. She just isn’t interested. (Don’t ask me what happens if I happen to pull out a guitar and play one of my songs at her place.)
Siblings have never acknowledged my art in any way. It’s as if they don’t own copies of my music and books. Deafening silence.
Friends, real friends who care about you, are the first ones to tell. They’ll be thrilled, and then demand a book. This is good peer pressure.
Melissa–I think it’s because then they *expect* something from us. And they may either be super-proud and tell everyone before we’re ready…or they may not be as supportive as we’d like.
Hi Elizabeth – thanks this post is timely. I’m constantly being asked what I’m doing as I mention I write … and I give talks to the local University of the Third Age, and I do notes for some of their speakers for publication into the U3A magazine … blogging seems to pass them by – understandably.
But with 700 blog posts under my belt and plenty of others sitting quietly waiting for me to publish (tidy up first etc) … and loads of ideas – I need to get my brain into gear – hence the dusting off all things … books, paper, and my brain … during the summer – so I’m organised and up and publishing … starting small and just developing and growing.
I also will be using audible … probably doing my own voice overs with a friend, and said friend and my goddaughter, who want to help with the art work etc – so in due course could be a good combination …
I love some of the ideas your commenters have added to your excellent post – fascinating to read right now … thanks .. cheers Hilary
Hilary–I’m excited to hear that you’re moving forward with publishing your content in other formats! You do such a wonderful job and your posts are always so interesting. Sounds like a busy summer!
Thanks so much .. if I could get on with them – and not commit myself to other talks or writing articles .. it’d help – but I’ll get there .. I’m looking forward to moving on .. cheers Hilary
[…] Owning Up to Our Writing…Locally – Elizabeth Spann Craig […]