I’m not the most relaxed traveler in the world. I checked over my lists at least twenty times to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything, rolled my clothes up into my carry-on and finally called myself done. I was ready for the Malice Domestic conference.
I’ve written all kinds of details down for my husband—where I’m going to be, where the kids will be (they were coming and going over the weekend), etc.
My husband suddenly made a face. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I just had this anxious feeling. About you and the plane ride.”
I looked sternly at him. “This is not something you tell a Paranoid Traveler. Besides, everything will be find—it’s a short trip…I’m only going to be in the air for an hour and twenty minutes.”
Everything, for a while, seemed to go well. Oh…except I realized I didn’t have my driver’s license and needed to go back to the house. But I was barely out of the neighborhood.
The security check went well. The plane was on time. I had my laptop and my carry-on luggage with me. I walked over to the bridge to board the plane when the lady at the desk said, “Ma’am, you’re going to have to give that bag to the man at the end of the bridge. It’s oversized and not going to fit in the overhead bin.”
I clutched my bag.
“It’s okay, ma’am,” said the woman in a soothing voice one might use for a fractious toddler. “Just give it to the gentleman there. He’ll take care of it for you.”
The man smiled and nodded and reached out a hand encouragingly. I guess the airline staff is used to taking care of crackpot customers and I must have looked panicky. But this was the reason I’d stuffed everything into my carry-on!
So now I’m feeling really anxious, myself. I’m all twitchy and thinking I’m going to have to wear my black dress for 3 days in DC and won’t that be ridiculous? Or I have to go shopping while I’m at the conference. And my books are in that bag!
Then we’re about to take off and the pilot says there’s a mechanical problem with the plane and a mechanic is coming over to fix it.
Now if this had been a story I’d been writing instead of real life (and this all would have been much nicer if it were fictitious), then I never would have written my husband’s worries in.
The foreshadowing would have been too heavy-handed.
There are different ways to handle simple foreshadowing, and I think—most times—that simple is better with these hints.
We could go with physical descriptions—stomach butterflies, or even my twitchiness at being separated from my bag.
We could even overstate the positive: “This is going to be a great trip,” thought Elizabeth. “I’m leaving so early that the flight is sure to be on time.” This determined embracing of the positive (which I certainly didn’t do) as things start going wrong could help underscore to a reader that maybe everything really isn’t so great.
We could build up a particular mood for the plane ride. Weather would be a pretty easy way to do it,if we’re careful not to be trite. Instead of the clichéd ominous clouds, we could go with weather that wasn’t forecasted and threatens to keep the plane grounded for a while. Maybe it’s icy. Or maybe there’s a lot of lightning.
We could even have a fellow passenger who’s really nervous about flying and have the protagonist reassure her. Although reassurances ring hollow because the reader is starting to suspect that there might be a problem with the flight.
A little foreshadowing or premonition of trouble goes a long way. But it can add a touch of suspense to the story. Will the plane get there in one piece? Will it be delayed so long that the protagonist misses out on all her activities at the conference? (Fortunately not!)
Hope the flight wasn’t delayed too long. At least they just had to have a mechanic. Could have been worse. They could have delayed your flight and told you later that the reason was that a part to the plane had suddenly come up missing.
(True story.)
Hope you have fun at the conference.
Elizabeth – You make a good point about the need for foreshadowing to be subtle, not heavy-handed. Otherwise it seems melodramatic. I actually like the idea of including someone’s concerns (in a way, it’s even better if it’s not the protagonist). Then, you get the sense that something might go wrong… I hope your conference goes well and your trip home goes smoothly.
See plane rides are such fun. They lead your imagination on a roller coaster ride. Hope the rest of your trip goes smoothly, as well as the plane ride home.
Mason
Thoughts in Progress
Glad you made it – and even got a fun blog post out of it to boot :) I agree that heavy foreshadowing can take all the fun out of the book.
Yes, over-playing the positive can be great foreshadowing.
And what I love is if you have the audience worried through foreshadowing, and then you pay it off by slapping ’em with a completely different problem.
Like when the plan ride goes fine in spite of all the worries but the little old lady seatmate turns out to be the master villain who offers to share a ride to the hotel… only to kidnap you.
Or your other seatmate turns out to be an undercover agent to whom you blathered about your smuggling plot in your book, only he didn’t realize you were talking about a book, and so you’re taken in for questioning as soon as you land.
(Hmmm, I may have been on a break from writing too long….)
Great points! I like novels that use subtle clues like you’ve described. Too much foreshadowing takes away some of the suspense.
Hope everything goes smoothly for you now!
I’ve given up expecting everything to go right when I travel. But I also figure the pilot and crew aren’t going to take any chances, so I don’t normally worry about safety issues. I figure they make sure everything’s working before they take off.
What I want to know is how long “shortly” is. Everything will happen “shortly” when you travel.
Foreshadowing is tricky, because there should be a reason for everything on the page, and readers will wonder why you mentioned something. Hiding those clues is a challenge.
Shame on your husband for foreshadowing too heavily! *teehee* I hope it all worked out fine–two years ago, I spent ALL mother’s day in the Tampa airport trying to come home…
I am SO opposite you traveling. I am inclined to wing it, and never want to carry much (except snacks and entertainment).
I like your list–I think it’s great to mix it up in a book so your readers don’t find you too predictable, so it’s nice to look at a few different options!
Excellent topic for a post. It’s hard to score that perfect balance. My current WIP is all about foreshadowing.
Symbolism can be a very useful tool as well. Passing a car crash on the way to the airport, a passenger complaining that the sandwich meat in his airplane meal is spoiled…everything we choose to include should always be significant and have purpose. Nothing should be random.
Thanks, everybody!
I’m flying back tomorrow (Sunday), so I’m now looking for little signs of foreshadowing of problems…and hoping not to see anything. :)
I haven’t used much foreshadowing in my writing but you’ve inspired me to try it out!
Want to read one of the world’s great masters in foreshadowing? Try Thomas Mann’s Death in Venice.