Please join me in welcoming my friend Karen Walker to the blog.
I love visiting Karen’s blog, Following the Whispers, because it’s a quiet oasis in my busy day. She helps me to think about life in a new light—and I appreciate her perspective. I’ve read her memoir and found it truly inspirational. Thanks for coming by today, Karen!
I became a mom in 1973. We’d been through the Civil Rights Movement, the Womens’ movement, the Viet Nam War. And the Mommy Wars–which, unfortunately, still exist–although it doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue as it was back then.
When I gave birth, I was 24 years old chronologically, but not in maturity. I didn’t have a sense of self, so trying to juggle my own needs with that of a baby and a husband and friends, etc. wasn’t even in my consciousness. I was pretty much on auto-pilot, trying to keep my head above water.
Today, it is common for women to either work outside the home, or, as writers do, work at home, while raising our children, caring for our husbands, and maintaining a household.
The key to juggling all of the above is balance. They tell you when you are on an airplane to put your own oxygen on first, before helping anyone else. There is a reason for this. If you become unconscious, you are of no use to anyone. We must put our own well-being first. I wish I’d known this years ago–it would have saved me years of misery.
When we have kids, this can be most challenging, because we all know, if a child needs something, we drop everything to deal with it. So it becomes a matter of priorities. And the ages of our children and what they can manage on their own versus what needs our immediate attention.
The way I find balance is to only have a few key things I want to accomplish each day. That way, I don’t overwhelm myself and can feel successful, rather than a failure because I didn’t do what I wanted to do. I make priorities of those few things. On some days, only one or two things get done. The next day, the priorities shift so I can focus on what didn’t get done the day before.
Another key to finding and keeping balance is learning to say no. Even to our husbands. And yes, even to our children. Because saying no to someone else is saying yes to ourselves. This is not selfish, as we may have been taught. It is crucial to inner peace and well-being.
To summarize, get clear about what is important to you. Make the time to do it. Say no to non-crisis distractions. And learn to balance your priorities so that you feel successful.
Elizabeth, you seem to juggle your life beautifully. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to blog here about such an important issue.
Blessings,
Karen
Karen Walker is a writer who has published essays in newspapers and magazines, as well as an anthology series. After a 30+ year career in marketing and public relations, she went back to college to complete a Bachelor’s degree and graduated Summa Cum Laude in 2005 from the University of New Mexico’s University Studies program with a major emphasis in Creative Writing. She lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico with her husband, Gary, and their dog, Buddy. When she’s not writing, you can find her doing international folk dancing, singing at retirement communities with her trio, Sugartime, hiking, reading, or hanging out with friends.
You can find Following the Whispers: at:
Great post Karen! So true, it is all about balance. Now if I can just figure that juggling act out… ;)
When someone mentions juggling I’m naturally there. You are so right about the balance and applies to men as well. During the 90s I was single-parenting 3 young daughters, managing a business, and trying to keep my own life on track. Life was a huge balancing and juggling act. I found that relying on others to provide some help and support becomes necessary to keep going–not dependency, because I’ve found that you can’t always depend on others to be around when you need them. But there’s nothing wrong with accepting the help that’s offered.
More good advice, Karen, and thank you Elizabeth for hosting Karen today.
Lee
Tossing It Out
Elizabeth – Thanks for hosting Karen.
Karen – How right you are about the need for balance. And yes, taking care of one’s own needs is crucial I like your idea of choosing a few major things that have to be accomplished each day, and then just accomplishing those things. If other things get done, that’s wonderful, too. I’ve also found that learning several respectful and polite ways to say “No” is also very helpful.
Karen always has gems of wisdom to give us. Thanks for writing about this topic, Karen. Balance in life is crucial. Without it, we find ourselves floundering. I’ve had to say no to a spouse; no when someone wanted me to do something that I just couldn’t do. We know our own limits. Others don’t.
Excellent thought-provoking post, Karen. I hope you’re enjoying your tour. I definitely enjoyed having you on my blog last week, and I love visiting YOURS. It’s so restful both visually and mentally!
Ann Best, Memoir Author
Hi Elizabeth,
It’s only 7:15 am right now in New Mexico, so I’m just getting started – thank you so much for hosting me today. I’ve watched you talk about juggling for two years now and you seem to do it beautifully.
Heather, yes, the juggling act is very very tricky
Arlee Bird, wow, thank you for the discrimination lesson, because I tend to think women are the only ones who need to juggle, but that sounds really, almost impossible. You’re so right about needing help from others. It does take a village.
Elizabeth, having the kids home from school changes the balance.
Margot, thanks so much.
Ann, thank you so much. It’s been fun visiting blogging friends on the tour and meeting their followers.
Joanne, I keep saying it ’cause I keep forgetting it!
Alex, you are so right. Learning to say no is crucial to our well-being.
CozyinTexas, that oxygen analogy has helped me make the right choice so many times. Thanks.
Karen
I remember the year I learned to say “no” — mostly to all the people who wanted me to serve (or chair) on this committee, bake something, work at a fundraiser. It took a lot of effort–probably because I’d always been one of those “try so hard to please” children.
Now that I’m old it’s so much easier to be selfish!
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
Terry, learning to say no has been one of the hardest and most rewarding things I’ve done.
Better is Possible, yes, and it doesn’t have to always be resounding. No is a complete sentence, even said quietly.
Clarissa, yup, certainly vital for my sanity.
Karen
Thanks so much for your guest post today, Karen! And for talking about finding balance, which you’re doing perfectly. I think I’m a little off-kilter this summer, and your post helps!
It can’t be said often enough, Karen, how important it is to take care of ourselves first. We’re better people for it, in the long run, for others.
I think that’s the biggest problem – some people just don’t know how to say no. And then they wonder why they’re stretched thin and stressed.
I love the analogy of the oxygen. I’ve reminded myself of this many times when things were crazy. Great post.
Ann
It’s always good to be reminded that sometimes a resounding NO is a must. Thanks for that reminder.
Wow, what a great way to strike balance. I know that I had to learn to say no. It’s hard to do but vital for sanity. I’m glad I learned that early on.
Yay – 2 of my favourite people! :)
Balance is the key in pretty much all aspects of life, isn’t it? I love the idea of aiming for and focusing on the important things – good advice!
Hilary, yes, Elizabeth seems to do it well. And thanks so much for wanting to read “Whispers.”
Jennifer, thankyou
Jemi, ah, you are so sweet
Michelle, you’ve made my day. Glad that quote works for you
Karen
Hi Elizabeth and Karen – good to see you both together .. and finding the right balance at all times in our life can be so challenging. I’m just so pleased Karen – that things are settling down for you – and yes, doing a few things a day is the way to go. I agree though – Elizabeth does seem well balanced ..
Oh – I’ll be buying Whispers this week – the book list has come to the top finally!
Cheers to you both .. Hilary
Finding balance is difficult. And yes, sometimes that means saying no.
Great post!
Karen, I’ve just added the following words to my book of inspirational quotes. “The way I find balance is to only have a few key things I want to accomplish each day. That way, I don’t overwhelm myself and can feel successful, rather than a failure because I didn’t do what I wanted to do.”
I need to tattoo this on my writing soul. Thank you very much for being who you are and sharing your wisdom with others. And thank you, Elizabeth, for hosting Karen on your blog. I am delighted to be a new follower!
Michelle
I’ve learned to make chaos the balance!
Great post, Karen. Saying NO is such a simple concept, and yet so hard for some of us to learn. Took me a long time to realize I didn’t have to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own and be all things to all people.