by Elizabeth S. Craig, @elizabethscraig
One of the hardest things for me, starting out as a novelist, was internal dialogue.
Mysteries require the sleuth to mull things over. I really struggled over how to make these passages work. I tried putting thoughts in italics. I tried writing in first person. I tried showing thoughts through the character’s actions and dialogue with other characters.
I must have scrapped fifty or more pages of rotten internal dialogue. It all seemed like it would jerk a reader right out of the book.
I think this is one of those areas where the more we write, the more we get comfortable (and maybe different approaches work with different writers.) I thought I’d share what works for me now:
Deep POV: Deep point-of-view puts readers inside the character’s head for an intimate view of his world. While you’re in this character’s head, you can look at the world through his eyes (noting the kinds of things he would find striking or interesting or irritating or disconcerting and remark on them in that character’s voice and using his vocabulary.) In deep POV, you can also get rid of words like thought, wondered, and knew since the reader understands that they’re reading from that character’s perspective. The reader sees, hears, and notices only what that character would. It’s also a great way to show instead of tell (Her heart pounded instead of Judy was frightened, etc.)
I like fantasy writer Juliette Wade’s checklist for Deep POV. And writer Terry Odell has a quick trick for making sure you’re staying in deep POV:
To “test” yourself: Substitute “I” for “he” (or the character’s name) in a scene. Is there anyone else sneaking in there?
Sidekicks: Too much straight narrative usually makes me want to skim, so I try to interrupt it with dialogue when I’m writing. One way to know what a character is thinking is by having that character bounce ideas off of another character…a sidekick. In mysteries, this sidekick can be a Dr. Watson or a Captain Hastings type who actually helps with solving the case, but in your genre, this could be a best friend, spouse, parent, child—you get the idea.
How do you handle internal dialogue? Do you use much of it in your books?
Elizabeth – You’re really right that internal dialogue is a way to show what one’s character is like nd it’s tough to pull off! I do some deep POV, but I sometimes find myself telling not showing by accident. Then it’s time for action or dialogue or something. I switch POVs too sometimes, so I use paragraphing and spacing to prepare the reader for that. I honestly don’t use a sidekick because my protag’s personal situation would make that a little tough. Still, that works beautifully for some protagonists like Hercule Poirot.
I use a lot of ACTUAL dialog–a couple trusted friends. I always do just ONE PoV, but it hadn’t occurred to me to drop the ‘thought’ and ‘knew’ and such… I will have to check out that checklist.
Thanks for the shout-out. Deep POV is a very good way to get into the character’s head, and when you’re in their thoughts, the internal monologue comes naturally.
Terry
Terry’s Place
Romance with a Twist–of Mystery
It is tough and it’s becoming so much more common in all types of fiction now. Each of us sisters do our best to let each other know when the internal dialogue is either lacking or overwhelming. Crit partners or beta readers are fabulous for such a thing!
I like that deep pov too. I feel like I’m really connected to the characters that way :)
Sometimes I have a sidekick. Sometimes my characters talk to themselves. It depends. It can be tricky. I love deep POV :)
If I’m in the character’s head and I want the reader to know her thought(s) I usually put it in italics, like this from my WIP:
She wouldn’t say she was well-traveled, but she’d gone from Oklahoma to the southern edge of Texas and half-way back. These were the tallest buildings she’d ever seen. Seventy stories. Maybe ninety. Black, brown, glass, brick. How do they keep from falling?
I just use it a little. Usually it’s a brief sentence. Since my characters are also telepathic, I didn’t want to confuse anyone.
I have some real problems with this as well. You’ve made some great points here. I’m going to 1+ this.
I’d love to see an example of deep POV
Karen
Elizabeth
I never had a problem with internal dialogue – I wrote too much of it, lol. One of the earliest things I had to work on with craft is to trust my readers would understand what the character was thinking with a few well chosen words instead of several sentences. It’s so easy (for me) to want to explain everything, and I have to constantly remind myself that if the writing is done properly, I won’t need to explain.
Great post!
I try not to use too much but enough to keep the reader connected to the character and I make sure I’m not repeating the same internals as the story goes on. It’s not easy!
Margot–Spacing is a good way to signify a shift in POV.
Hart–Hope you’ll find the checklist useful!
Critique Sisters–Sometimes that’s the best way to find out when it’s not working for the readers.
Terry–And natural makes it so much easier to write…
Helen–I like the way you’ve handled it. :) And nice passage!
Alex–Good point!
Jemi–I think it can make readers more invested in a character/the story, too.
Carol–I do, too!
Clarissa–Thanks!
Laura–I know what you mean about the repetition–I have to make an edit pass to make sure that I’m not overdoing an internal thought (that the readers don’t feel they’re being beaten over the head with a particular point.)
This is another one of those cases where I struggle with balance. Do I have too much? Too little? I never know!
Some books seem to overuse internal dialogue. I used very little in mine.