After 38 years of setting the clock back, you’d think I’d expect the changes.
But each fall I’m surprised how dark it is in the late afternoon. Every morning I’m surprised how light it is so early.
The darkness puts our whole family in a different mood. We light candles at suppertime. We feel sleepier at bedtime. And when I take my daughter to her Brownie scout meeting at 6 p.m., she gets the delicious sensation that she’s up really late at night and out on the town.
I’ve noticed lately, though, an aggressive attempt by stores to put me in a very particular mood.
The Christmas shopping mood.
It was November 3 and I walked into a store that was playing Christmas music. Whoa! There’s no way I’m ready for that stuff yet, y’all. I picked up some things for the kids last summer and that is it. The Christmas season starts after Thanksgiving. It does! But I kept running into stores that were selling the season awfully early.
These stores’ determination to put me in a money-spending mood was a slap in the face. It was not subtle. It felt very pushy to me.
I’ve read some books where I felt the writer abruptly and clumsily tried to force me into a mood: a tense mood, a frightened mood, a maudlin mood. It jumped off the page at me and I don’t think it’s because I’m a writer.
It’s like watching a poorly-done horror movie. You know the bad guy is going to leap out at you because of the scary music, heavy on strings, that’s loudly playing.
Subtle ways to create a mood:
Skillful (and, to my liking, brief) description of the scene’s setting: an abandoned, deteriorating house (unease). A crowded train with body to body people (stress).
Setting tone through dialogue. Obviously this would be two or more characters sharing more than just chit-chat with each other. There could be an urgent tone set, a joyful tone, somber tone…
Syntax: We convey our feelings about a person via word choice—choosing words with negative connotations instead of positive ones. Someone’s face has pity, not sympathy. Someone is smug, not content. A person is cloying, not sweet. The character contributes toward establishment of the mood—the reader feels suffocated by the closeness of the cloying character, e.g.
Weather: I’ve seen this overdone. But it can be used very effectively in unusual ways. We all remember what a beautiful day it was in New York city on 9-11. It just illuminated the horror that played out.
Light: The daylight savings time shifts play havoc with my moods. You could do the same with blackouts, houses with uncertain electrical wiring, uncovered ceiling lightbulbs creating sinister shadows, etc.
I appreciate subtlety in creating moods instead of having a writer lay it on too thick. Are you the same way? As a writer, how do you invoke mood?
I find myself relying on weather (too much) to set mood. I’m also big on time of day. Since I’m now working on a novel with Ernest Hemingway as a main character, I’ve made a concentrated effort to use dialogue to set mood. We’ll see how it goes.
Great post. I often feel the need to roll my eyes when the mood feels forced in a stoy. I’d almost rather the author just opened the scene with something like, “Mood: tense and scary.” Good tips!
Elizabeth – You’re absolutely right. Mood is best set subtlely. That way, the reader can feel the tension and suspense building slowly, rather than having it “dumped” all at once. I usually set the mood through my characters. For instance, sometimes I try to build mood through dialogue (especially dialogue where the reader can see a conflict building or can tell that someone’s lying). When it’s a scene without dialogue, I’ll go for a character’s description (a change of mood, say, or a facial expression) or a description of something a character does.
It was a dark and stormy night when I read this post.
:)
Seriously, thanks for the reminder about subtle mood setting. Maybe because I’m a singer, I use sound in my novels to set mood: music coming from a distant room in a house, the tapping of nervous fingers on a desktop, the cacophony of a jackhammer.
Course, I write suspense. Subtlety isn’t necessarily Forte’s forte.
Good timing on this post, Elizabeth. I’ve been trying to use sounds and scents to set some of my moods. I find carefully choosing verbs helps too. Now, off to make sure I’m subtle enough :)
I’m right there with ya, Sister, on the time change – changing our moods. And I am with you on setting the mood in writing. I don’t want to be told how to feel, I want the writers words to guide me into that place with description and reaction from the characters.
Now excuse me while I go get moody for Monday.
Nothing in a story should feel forced. Ever. Period.
That being said, it’s a tough job, given you’re using words as a medium to evoke sight, sound, touch, smell, taste and emotion. You don’t get to have the music playing like on tv or the movies. You have to assume your reader will understand all your brilliant metaphors and imagery. (Actually, more often and not, those will pull me out of a story, because now I have two things to picture, especially if I’m unfamiliar with the attempt to convey mood. If you tell me such and so song was playing, and I’ve never heard of the song — you’ve lost the chance to set the mood.
And where I live, the latitude is such that the switch to and from DST is more subtle — only about an hour earlier/later for dark/light.
Excellent post, Elizabeth! I definitely like a subtle setting for the mood. Thank you for such specific ways to think about implementing the moods!
Sometimes I’ll try to replicate the same mood for myself that I want in my story. That way, the words I use seem to fit better.
So true! I don’t like it being dark outside so early, but there is some delicious about being out, feeling like it’s late, and it’s really not!
I use a lot of the techniques you listed. They work really well!
Great post! I agree, subtle is much better. The reader is drawn into the story experiencing what the characters experience rather than being shoved into a particular moment.
I noticed the same thing in stores. XMAS before Thanksgiving. Not okay. And so it is in books, as well. This is such a thoughtful post, as usual.
Karen
As a writer, I do what feels right for the story. I’m pretty sure I usually opt for the subtle. But if the change is sudden for the character, I’m probably more heavy handed.
I truly hate the commercial early Christmas. One large craft type store here started setting up Christmas displays over Labor Day weekend.
Erika–Great idea to shift to dialogue to convey mood in the Hemingway book. Good luck!
Carolina–It’s very disruptive when we’re reading, isn’t it? You’re right–almost like stage direction!
Margot–Character description is another great idea. I forgot about that one.
Nancy–Feeling shoved isn’t fun!
Reading your blog is almost like participating in a writer´s course!
When reading serious stuff, I do my best to be subtle, and sometimes my hints may even be too subdued. But when I write humorous pieces, I sometimes lay it on very thick.
Oh, wow! Thanks for the hints on creating subtle mood.
For me, the first weekend in November signals the transition into what I call Dark Time. That’s when we haul in the logs, heat up the cider and eat stew, apple pie and lots of popcorn. We settle into our cozy den for the winter and wait for the joyous return of Light Time in March.
I feel utterly pagan just thinking of this.
Thank you for these tips! I agree with you completely. Trying too hard is never a good thing and it’s a definite turn-off in someone’s writing. The best writers are the ones who make you feel everything they’re trying to say without saying it straight out – I guess that’s part of the whole “show, don’t tell” mantra that we’re force-fed from day one. I also agree about the Christmas decorations! Week of Thanksgiving, fine. Week before Thanksgiving, fine. But right after Halloween!?
I’m amazed each and every year how a one hour time change disrupts everything. It takes me about a week to get used to it being dark that early and to remember to turn on the porch light for family members returning home!
Then, there’s the hell of losing that hour in the spring…but that’s a rant for a different time…
Elspeth
Subtle – almost always the sublte way is the best. Sledge hammer writing is sophomoric, my opinion. Nicely done post here, Elizabeth, lots of good suggestions for achieving setting withOUT hitting the reader over the head with a hammer.
Marvin D Wilson
Glen–Good point about using sounds to create mood! I can imagine that your background as a singer really helps you in that respect.
Jemi–Verb choice sounds like a great way to accomplish a mood.
Marvin–Thanks! Yep, those sledgehammers hurt.
JW–Moody Mondays! Very nice. My weather isn’t right for setting that mood today–sunny and 72. Tomorrow, which is supposed to be cold and rainy, would have been much better!
Terry–It just yanks us out of the story, doesn’t it? I hate that feeling. I wonder now if it’s just because I’m hypersensitive to it, being a writer, but I don’t think so.
Wow, that’s not much of a daylight change at all!
Jody–You’re so welcome. :)
Alan–That would *really* make it authentic. But exhausting, I’d imagine.
Great post!
Mood is key in hooking a reader and keeping them. I tend to lean too much on choppy weather illustrations and dialogue. I need to explore Syntax more and get those great words down.
Thanks for giving me a lot to stew on.
You have such a great talent of taking everyday situations and applying them to writing.
Subtlety wins over “in-your face” every time with me. I’d much rather be drawn in than thrown in to a story — and that goes for Christmas too!
Is it just me, or does it seem like they begin throwing Christmas at us earlier every year? It wasn’t even Halloween yet when I first saw a Christmas commercial this year!
Occasionally, I’ll read a manuscript where the writer inserts a narrator. Often, they don’t realize they’ve done it. They’ve written this voice-over telling the reader what will happen, or what the reader should think or feel. The narrator takes the place of the writer having to write well enough to get the emotions or ideas across via the characters. Oftentimes, I’ll highlight this omniscient voice – and pages will be in yellow.
Helen
Straight From Hel
I was in a store in October that had Christmas stuff on an aisle next to Halloween stuff – I felt like screaming. I guess I’m not ready for that season yet either!
I tend to use dialogue to set the tone but I like your idea of moods changing with the light. I might try to work that into my next novel – in a sublte way of course!
Crystal–Oh goodness, I saw some Christmas stuff out before Halloween, too! When it’s out THAT early, I automatically think it must be clearance merchandise. It’s too early to put out the new stuff!
Helen–I know what you mean, and it is lazy. And awkward.
Jane–I’m completely affected by light. Good thing I live in the sunny South, I guess.
Kristen–That part IS nice. But I always look forward to the days getting longer.
Karen–Definitely not okay! It gets earlier and earlier.
Carol–I’m wondering if you were in Michael’s. That’s where I heard the aggressive Christmas music playing!
Dorte–I like humor laid thick, too. Almost slapstick.
Sharon–I like that! The Dark Time. That’s definitely what it feels like. We all bunker down!
Julie–I guess it does fall under the show, don’t tell advice, doesn’t it?
Elspeth–Oh, losing the hour in the spring. Yeah, that’s a bummer. Although by then I’m so excited to have more daylight, I’d do anything.
I’m the 30th comment. How do you do it? Do I win a prize?
I prefer a good balance of subtle and in your face action.
Stephen Tremp
Your ability to post something great everday leaves me awestruck as usual, Elizabeth.
I love subtlety and building mood slowly, and I prefer to go contrary to weather, time of day, etc. One of my most effective suspense scenes was boys playing in snow during the middle of the day, with the play turning more deadly serious, and the sunshine melting the ice on the river…
Stephen–You *should* get a special prize! Thanks for coming by. And you’re right–mixes of things are good, too.
Tamika–Good luck with it!
You’re so talented, Elizabeth. This level of thinking, along with solutions to the problem! are indicators you’re really dialed into good writing techniques. Nice job.
Best Regards, Galen
Imagineering Fiction Blog
Galen–Wow! Thanks for the compliment. I appreciate it!
Unless you’re Tennessee Williams, you must treat lightly with the long hot summers and dark stormy nights. Some authors can hit me over the head and drag me along willingly, but they are super-talented and far and few between. For the rest of us, a light touch would serve better. Good post Elizabeth, as usual. Very provocative.
This was an excellent post. It, along with all the comments, have been very helpful.
Elizabeth–Oh, Tennessee Williams ruined it for the rest of us! None of us can live up to his legacy. Soooo….I’ll try subtlety. :)
Lorel–Beautiful! Your scene sounds really well set-up. And thanks for the compliment. :)
Chary–Hope it helps out. And thanks for coming by.
hmmm…good question. When I’m writing something that with suspense I think I try and focus on the inner thoughts of my protagonist – how time changes and how we might notice something very odd and minute at moments of great stress. Or I might use contrast – the cheerful words and voice of someone you know is up to no good -or rythym – a nice long lazy paragraph full of slow detail followed by something dizzingly fast and chaotic so the reader feels how quickly things can change and twist.
Jan–That’s brilliant! Internal dialogue would be a great way to set up mood. I think Poe used a lot of it with his narrators’ thoughts. And someone who is wicked acting syrupy sweet….yes, that’s very scary.
I don’t think I’m particularly good at subtle. At least not with mood. I tend to focus on characters facial expressions or minor unconscious actions to convey feeling, or just drop a storm into the middle of the story. Maybe this is someting I should work on…
Thanks for the great post and the great advice.
Cassandra–Hope it helps!
Too much detail about setting or mood is a huge turnoff. I love your examples. Short. Sweet. To the point. Boom, you’re there. Great post!! (To tie in w/your newer post, I’m tweeting it now!)
Sometimes just a descriptive word or two can set the mood. But I have seen too many words used to describe something. I know when you first start writing you have a tendency to want to define each movement or reason as to why and how. Good information in your post and the comments.
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